Narcissists pretend to love you because it helps them validate their grandiose self-perception, they can chase their ideal love, and because it gives them a significant amount of power and control over your thoughts, feelings, emotions, needs, wishes, goals, and aspirations.
But all the nastiness is intertwined with some affection, because the narcissist knows they have to keep up the illusion that the relationship is worth saving. By pretending they can still be loving, the narcissist makes their victim believe the insults are their own fault.
Bottom Line. Narcissists can sometimes be helpful and caring. However, more often than not, they only pretend to have these qualities. Moreover, even when they act giving and helping, they are not motivated by empathy because they severely lack it, and as a result, their help is often not very productive.
If a narcissist is interested in you, you might notice that they shower you with admiration and attention shortly after you meet them. They might be quick to say “I love you,” put you on a pedestal, and make grand romantic gestures.
Self-pity makes a narcissist feel like a hero.
So, feeling self-pity and playing the victim acts as a substitute for that lack of authentic self-worth. Essentially, being the victim makes them the mistreated and misunderstood hero in a story that's all about them.
Narcissists often look for victims who struggle with insecurity and low self-esteem. People who think less of themselves and struggle with the “I am not enough” mindset tend to attract toxic partners. People with self-esteem issues tend to think of themselves as imperfect or unlovable.
Narcissistic Grooming Technique: Isolating you from family and friends. The narcissist will try to isolate you from your support system. He will do this by making negative comments about the people in your life in an attempt to turn you against them. If that fails he will make it difficult for you to see them.
Narcissists may show you love and act in loving ways, but this tends to be conditional, in that displays of love depend on what you can give them in return. For people with NPD, relationships tend to be transactional. Love is not self-serving, proud, boastful, exploitative, or envious.
Unfortunately, narcissists are unable to put the happiness of anyone else ahead of their own. Nor can they offer unconditional love to another due to their own obsession with status and achievement. One of the narcissistic traits that makes it so hard for narcissists to love another is their lack of empathy.
A love bomb refers to when a narcissistic person “bombs” you with an over-the-top amount of affection, flattery, gifts, and praise early in the relationship in order to win over your attention for the purpose of being able to control you.
Here are some narcissism red flags to look out for: Lacking empathy. They seem unable or unwilling to have empathy for others, and they appear to have no desire for emotional intimacy. Unrealistic sense of entitlement.
A narcissist can continually be nice to those people who they precieve to have never criticised them or threatened their illusion of themselves that they are trying to portray to those around them.
Gaslighters/narcissists can never fully compliment someone unless there is an insult tied to it. In broad terms, it's sometimes known as a "backhanded compliment." An example would be, "I like your dress, it almost fits you." The compliment-insult, or complisult, first sets you up, trusting the person ever so slightly.
It is a complicated mental illness centering on an individual's inflated sense of self-importance accompanied by a lack of empathy for other people. While this is an intimidating definition, narcissistic individuals can and do fall in love and commit to romantic involvements.
Who does a narcissist attach to? A narcissist can attach to a parent, child, spouse, friend, and/or business partner. Basically, it is anyone willing to give the narcissist an unlimited supply of attention, admiration, affection, or appreciation.
The short answer is a simple “no.” It is actually highly unlikely that your narcissistic partner is even capable of real love, let alone feels it towards you past the beginning of your relationship.
One of the most common early indicators of narcissism is what's known as the love-bombing phase. At the beginning of the relationship, the narcissist will often come on very strong, put you on a pedestal, and make you feel incredibly special.
“Deep down, narcissists hope for love and caring”, says Frank Yeomans, “but it often makes them feel very uncomfortable if they seem to find it, partly because they feel vulnerable and doubt the authenticity of any love that comes their way.
Generally speaking, however, narcissists do not have healthy relationships. They can be very demanding and controlling, which leads to a lot of conflict and unhappiness in the marriage. Studies show that narcissists are more likely to get divorced than people who do not have a narcissistic personality disorder.
Narcissists tend to display exaggerated body language and facial expressions. The 1990 study on conversational narcissism also found that narcissists tend to be overly dramatic in their hand gestures and facial expressions. They may also speak in a loud tone of voice.
They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence, they are not sure of their self-worth and are easily upset by the slightest criticism.