Trauma bonding occurs when a person experiencing abuse develops an unhealthy attachment to their abuser. They may rationalize or defend the abusive actions, feel a sense of loyalty, isolate from others, and hope that the abuser's behavior will change.
People stay in these relationships partly because they are trying to win back the abuser's affection. However, Thomas told Business Insider that victims also become biologically attached to their abusers through something called "trauma bonding."
The term 'trauma bond' is also known as Stockholm Syndrome. It describes a deep bond which forms between a victim and their abuser. Victims of abuse often develop a strong sense of loyalty towards their abuser, despite the fact that the bond is damaging to them.
Stockholm syndrome is a coping mechanism to a captive or abusive situation. People develop positive feelings toward their captors or abusers over time. This condition applies to situations including child abuse, coach-athlete abuse, relationship abuse and sex trafficking.
Stockholm Syndrome
The emotional bond makes the victim rationalise the abuse as normal, and as something the abuser is doing out of necessity, for a greater good. It makes the victim think that people who are actually supporting them and trying to help them escape the abuse, are the villains.
Betrayal creates a loss on a deep level. It shatters your belief in relationships and your sense of safety with others. Trust in others can take a long time to recover. Beliefs about yourself can also become entangled with making sense of the betrayal, such as taking on the belief that you deserve bad treatment.
Abusive people believe they have the right to control and restrict their partner's lives, often either because they believe their own feelings and needs should be the priority in the relationship, or because they enjoy exerting the power that such abuse gives them.
She may stay because she grew up in a family where abuse was normal, making it hard to recognize when a relationship is unhealthy. She may stay because she loves him and he seems to regret the violence. She may want to try to make the relationship work and help him to change. She may stay because she blames herself.
Stockholm syndrome is an emotional response. It happens to some abuse and hostage victims when they have positive feelings toward an abuser or captor.
Trauma bonding occurs when a person experiencing abuse develops an unhealthy attachment to their abuser. They may rationalize or defend the abusive actions, feel a sense of loyalty, isolate from others, and hope that the abuser's behavior will change.
Do Narcissists Also Feel the Trauma Bond? Abusive narcissists likely do feel the bond too, but differently. It's so confusing for anyone in a relationship with a narcissist who's abusive to understand why they continue to hurt them, even when they say they love them.
Common Abusive Personality Traits Of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. A narcissistic personality disorder is a type of abusive personality disorder. Personality disorders are types of mental disorders that can completely affect how a person behaves, functions, and thinks.
1 The adult may be a relative, caregiver, step-parent, religious figure, coach, or babysitter, though the majority of perpetrators are parents of the child. In the United States, children experience child abuse or neglect at a rate of 8.9 per 1,000 children.
Inside an Abuser's Mind
Abusers often feel they share an identity with their victim. They do not want their victim to have a life separate from them and see the victim as an extension of themselves. They will use isolation or threats to keep their victim from leaving, getting help or having any other relationships.
Reasons abuse survivors might stay silent
“No one will believe me.” They might think nobody would believe them if they did tell someone that they were abused. Safety. A survivor may be very afraid of their abuser and may fear for their safety if they open up about their experiences.
Leaving an abusive relationship is never easy – and it isn't always the safest option. In fact, survivors of abuse return to their abusive partners an average of seven times before they leave for good.
Staying in an emotionally or verbally abusive relationship can have long-lasting effects on your physical and mental health, including leading to chronic pain, depression, or anxiety.
The cycle of abuse often goes through four main stages: tension, incident, reconciliation, and calm. Abusive behaviors may escalate from cycle to cycle, although this isn't always the case.
Trust development and keeping secrets: Abusers attempt to gain trust of a potential victim through gifts, attention, sharing “secrets” and other means to make them feel that they have a caring relationship and to train them to keep the relationship secret.
A victim of abuse should not feel guilty for being unable to forgive their abuser as they may still be processing complex emotions or simply not want to forgive their abuser. This does not make a victim bitter or unhealed.