"Hot and cold" behavior, characterized by sudden shifts from intense affection to withdrawal or dislike, isn't a disorder itself but a major symptom, primarily of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), reflecting unstable relationships, extreme emotional swings (idealization/devaluation), fear of abandonment, and black-and-white thinking, all stemming from difficulty managing intense emotions and self-perception, not malicious intent.
To tell if someone has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), look for patterns of intense mood swings, unstable relationships, a distorted self-image, chronic emptiness, impulsivity, intense anger, fear of abandonment, self-harm, and stress-related paranoia or dissociation; a diagnosis requires a mental health professional to assess at least five of these core symptoms, which often overlap with other conditions, making professional evaluation crucial.
Why BPD Symptoms Peak in Early Adulthood. In the 20s, identity formation and independence conflict with emotional vulnerability. Research shows impulsivity and mood swings occur most frequently between the ages of 18-25.
BPD engage in the hot and cold behavior as their mood swings based on inner insecurities etc. They can't tell where your head is at, so they just project their own illogical thinking onto you (accusing you of whatever behavior they would do if they wanted to leave you, if they fear you leaving).
Bipolar disorder is primarily characterized by extreme mood swings between manic highs and depressive lows, often cycling over weeks or months. In contrast, BPD is defined by emotional dysregulation, impulsivity, and intense, unstable relationships, with mood changes happening more rapidly, sometimes within hours.
The first red flag of bipolar disorder often appears as significant changes in sleep patterns (insomnia or oversleeping), dramatic shifts in mood (intense irritability, euphoria, or deep sadness), and increased energy or agitation, often accompanied by racing thoughts, impulsivity (like risky spending), or severe fatigue and loss of interest during depressive phases, with these shifts differing greatly from typical mood swings and often impacting daily functioning.
9 Signs of Borderline Personality Disorder (You Need to Know)
11 Hidden Signs of Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder
Have you ever heard the saying 'blowing hot and cold'? This is an expression that I use to describe a form of behaviour that is both manipulative and destructive. If it is easily spotted, you can break yourself from the destructive cycle.
The majority of the literature in this area suggests that in comparison with individuals without BPD, those with BPD evidence greater sexual impulsivity as indicated by higher levels of sexual preoccupation, earlier sexual exposure, more casual sexual relationships, a greater number of different sexual partners, ...
Conclusions: Parental externalizing psychopathology and father's BPD traits contribute genetic risk for offspring BPD traits, but mothers' BPD traits and parents' poor parenting constitute environmental risks for the development of these offspring traits.
BPD Meltdown
During a meltdown, people may experience extreme mood swings, impulsivity, and difficulty calming down. Understanding how BPD contributes to meltdowns is crucial for developing coping strategies and providing support to manage and navigate these overwhelming emotional experiences.
The "3 C's of BPD" typically refer to advice for loved ones of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, reminding them: "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it," to help set boundaries and avoid taking on undue responsibility for the person's actions or illness. Another set of "C's" describes core BPD traits for individuals: Clinginess (fear of abandonment), Conflict (intense relationships/moods), and Confusion (unstable self-image).
Symptoms
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Up to 50% of people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) experience psychotic symptoms like hallucinations and paranoid thoughts. BPD-related psychosis typically differs from other psychotic disorders as symptoms are usually brief, stress-triggered, and the person often maintains some reality testing.
As a Harvard-trained psychologist, I've found that there are seven phrases you'll hear from highly narcissistic people:
But it does provide some rough guidelines as to how soon may be too soon to make long-term commitments and how long may be too long to stick with a relationship. Each of the three numbers—three, six, and nine—stands for the month that a different common stage of a relationship tends to end.
One of the most overlooked narcissism symptoms is the habitual act of not listening. This might be a surprise because narcissists can be so good at faking interest. They have an uncanny ability to make you believe they're hanging on to your every word.
Some common warning signs include intense and rapidly changing emotions, often triggered by seemingly minor events. Individuals with BPD may exhibit impulsive behaviors such as substance abuse, binge eating, or reckless driving.
Explosive anger/rage
Intense and utter rage is the bedmate of those with BPD. They swing from one extreme emotion to often ones involving anger. But not the anger most people display but the type to seem like a bomb went off (screaming as loud as they can, breaking things, stomping, physically fighting, etc.)
There are four widely accepted types of borderline personality disorder (BPD): discouraged, impulsive, petulant, and self-destructive BPD.
Challenges with getting a BPD diagnosis
The symptoms of BPD are very broad, and some can be similar to or overlap with other mental health problems, such as: Bipolar disorder. Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) Depression.
High-functioning BPD hides deep emotional struggles behind outward competence, often leading to silent suffering and burnout. Subtle signs include self-doubt, hidden mood swings, perfectionism, relationship struggles, and identity confusion, even when life appears stable.
Things That Trigger Anger in People With BPD
People with BPD can feel triggered by situations that evoke fear of abandonment, criticism, or rejection. Some common scenarios where this can happen include: Feeling ignored, left out, or abandoned. Arguments or conflict in close relationships.