The five worst passive-aggressive phrases in English are: “You're too sensitive.” “Why are you getting so upset?” “No offense, but…” “Whatever—”
If a friends buys a new house, the passive aggressive may say “It's a nice starter home.” You buy a new car and the passive aggressive says “That's a great car, it's almost as nice as John's.” “I love your new dress, I wish I had one like that but I think I'm too skinny for that style.”
Sulking, backhanded compliments, procrastination, withdrawal, and refusal to communicate are all passive-aggressive behaviors. When the other person begins acting in such a way, try to keep your anger in check. Instead, point out the other person's feelings in a way that is non-judgmental, yet factual.
In general, passive-aggressive communication can often be spotted in the wild as someone muttering under their breath or giving someone dirty looks, smiling when they're clearly angry or upset, being sarcastic, making backhanded compliments or even purposely sabotaging the other person as a form of quiet revenge.
Examples of an aggressive communication style include saying things like: "This is all your fault." "It's my way or the highway." "Do what I say."
Aggression can be direct behaviors such as hitting, kicking, biting, and pushing to name a few. Additionally, aggression can take on an indirect form like teasing, bullying, spreading rumors, name-calling, or ignoring someone.
Assertive, not aggressive, confrontation is the best way to frustrate the goals of a passive-aggressive person. You see, passive-aggressive people hate confrontation. It's not their style. When you catch them in the moment and stand up for yourself assertively, you catch them off guard.
Passive-aggressive apologies are also insincere and intended to make the recipient feel badly. An example of this is emphatically repeating, “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!” Coerced apologies or those that fulfill someone's expectations are not sincere. Transactional - “I apologized now, so it's your turn.”
They ask questions that make you feel defensive.
Instead of asking, "What does that involve?" or saying, "I've heard about keto diets, but don't know much about them," or even just, "How is that going for you?" a passive-aggressive person might say, "Why did you ever decide to do that?"
3. Using passive aggressive politeness - a pompous, outmoded tone that's deeply offensive, even though it doesn't actually say anything rude.
People who behave in a passive-aggressive way can also be sarcastic, even when sarcasm is inappropriate. When confronted with their mean behavior, they often pass it off as a joke, accusing the recipient of being too sensitive.
Someone who uses passive aggression may feel angry, resentful, or frustrated, but they act neutral, pleasant, or even cheerful. They then find indirect ways to show how they really feel. Passive aggression isn't a mental illness.
What is it? According to the American Psychological Association (APA), PAPD is “a personality disorder of long standing in which ambivalence toward the self and others” is expressed by passive expressions of underlying negativism. This means that PAPD is a chronic, generally inflexible, condition.
Basically, the silent treatment is a passive-aggressive behavior by which an abuser communicates some sort of negative message to the intended victim that only the perpetrator and the victim recognize through nonverbal communication.
Passive aggression often stems from underlying anger, sadness, or insecurity, of which the person may or may not be consciously aware. Passive-aggressive behavior may be an expression of those emotions or an attempt to gain control in a relationship. Bearing that in mind can inform how you respond.
It can include actions such as subtle insults, sarcasm, procrastination, or avoiding certain tasks that the passive-aggressive person finds unpleasant. People who exhibit this behavior may be afraid of confrontation or conflict, so they will instead express their feelings through passive-aggressive behaviors.
But make no mistake: Passive-aggression is an expression of hostility in relationships. "Passive-aggression is how the weak and powerless try to thwart the authority of those who they view as strong and powerful," says Wetzler.
You Ignore or Say Nothing
According to psychotherapist Katherine Crowley, author of “Working for You Isn't Working for Me,” checking your phone when a colleague is trying to speak with you or during a meeting are examples of passive-aggressive behavior.
Today, passive-aggressive is also used in everyday conversation to refer to a tendency some people have toward a less direct style of communication, especially communication that may create conflict. Some potential synonyms for this kind of behavior are negativistic, apathetic, petulant, or snide.
There are two main types of aggression: impulsive aggression (known as reactive aggressive behaviors) and instrumental aggression (known as proactive aggressive behaviors). Both are often shown through either physical aggression (such as slapping, hitting, or punching) or through harsh emotional outbursts.