When you set such boundaries, narcissists may cycle through their repertoire: arguing; blaming; minimizing your feelings; acting like a victim; saying that you're too sensitive; or becoming rageful. While such tactics can be unpleasant to endure, your boundaries are not up for discussion.
Generally speaking, narcissists will respond to the boundaries that you set with them by getting defensive or angry, trying to guilt-trip you, ignoring your boundaries altogether, undermining your credibility, giving you the silent treatment, or by trying to hoover their way past your boundaries.
Narcissistic people view themselves as uniquely gifted and therefore feel entitled to take advantage of other people. They do not possess healthy boundaries, nor do they like it when others set limits against their intrusions.
When beginning to set boundaries, it's common to feel guilt—and while that's natural, it's also something narcissists will try to use against you. So often, it can feel easier to just give in to that pressure and continue that cycle than to endure the discomfort of the guilt that comes with putting yourself first.
A narcissist is likely to be enraged when they begin to lose control. They may lash out at you, go on a smear campaign, or purposefully ignore you. They may also lovebomb you to reel you back in. Their main goal is to get your attention, provoke a response, and regain power.
The real reason why simply confronting a narcissist and calling them out for their behavior won't work is simple: they're not actually listening to you. If they truly are a narcissist, they have never been listening, and are especially unlikely to take any criticism or feedback on board.
The initial reaction of the narcissist to a perceived humiliation is a conscious rejection of the humiliating input. The narcissist tries to ignore it, talk it out of existence, or belittle its importance.
So when they encounter a piece of information about narcissism they immediately might feel exposed, ashamed, betrayed, or attacked. Moreover, they often take things very personally and think that everything is about them. So they might feel that the author is talking about them personally or calling them out.
Many narcissists react badly to boundaries or violate them entirely. One of the reasons narcissists overstep boundaries is because it allows them to hold themselves accountable for any wrongdoing they may have caused, something they intensely dislike!
Breakups with narcissists don't always end the relationship. Many won't let you go, even when they are the ones who left the relationship, and even when they're with a new partner. They won't accept “no.” They hoover in an attempt to rekindle the relationship or stay friends after a breakup or divorce.
If you're arguing with a narcissist, being firm with your boundaries will help you stand your ground. You should also acknowledge their feelings because it may help soothe them. Don't hesitate to step away if you need to step away from the conversation to gather your thoughts.
Silent Treatment Narcissists punish by ignoring. Then they let their victim off the hook by demanding an apology even though she isnt to blame. This is to modify her behavior. They also have a history of cutting others out of their life permanently over small things.
If you want to cut to a narcissist's emotional core, make them look bad in public. Try challenging their opinions, ignoring their commands, or laughing at their misfortunes and they'll fly into a narcissistic rage.
Narcissists carry a LOT of shame. From mistakes made in the past, fear of not being enough, to fear of criticism in the present and future. For many narcissists their lives are rather shame-based but, they will never admit it.
Experts on narcissistic abuse recovery all agree that contact with someone like this always results in pain (Payson). Maintaining zero contact is essential for you to be able to heal and cognitively and emotionally process the mental hurricane that hit.
They Face a Setback, Disappointment, or Conflict
A narcissist can become easily enraged if a setback occurs in their life, job, or relationship. Not getting their way results in both a loss of control and a bruised ego.
There's nothing a narcissist fears more than being left alone. Block their phone number, unfriend them on social media, and don't even acknowledge their presence if you're ever in the same room with one another. This won't just scare a narcissist—it will devastate them.
Narcissistic collapse happens when a person with narcissistic personality disorder experiences a failure, humiliation, or other blow to their secretly fragile self-esteem. Depending on the type of narcissist, collapse may look different and happen more frequently.