Supporting your breastfeeding partner
You can also help by doing things like changing your baby's nappies and holding, cuddling or settling your baby after breastfeeds. And you can give your partner practical support – a glass of water, another pillow or whatever your partner needs.
"Work together as a team to know what to do. Don't wait for her to ask for help. Jump in and help, even if you feel awkward or nervous. Ideas to help include holding the baby, doing the dishes, making a simple meal, cleaning the bathroom, and helping pick up after the mother."
The optimal strategy, says No Regrets Parenting author Harley Rotbart, M.D., is to divide leave: a couple of weeks at birth, when moms need the most help; a few around three months, when mom usually goes back to work; and the rest between six and nine months, when babies interact more and become even more fun to be ...
When it comes to letting your partner stay the night after you've given birth - hospital policies vary. Some don't allow it at all, some let the dads stay if you're in a private room, and we've even heard of some where the dads are allowed to stay - but NOT to fall asleep.
The consensus seems to be that a gradual “step-up” plan is best. Frequent overnights in young children causes insecurity and thus developmental delay. Instead, the overnight visits should start with longer periods in between, and gradually increasing in frequency and length over three to four years.
Well, dads can help and support mum during these hard times. As you're no doubt already aware, having a newborn is a team effort. And even if you work during the day, remember that mum does too. In this article, we'll cover why dads should help with night feeds and how.
“It is vitally important for a father to interact and bond with his newborn to help the infant's development and to reduce the risk of paternal postpartum depression.”
Flynn says, as Mum has carried the baby for nearly 10 months, bonding has already started. For Dad, holding his new-born is the start of that magic process. Research has shown that men who hold their baby close in the first 24 hours after their baby is born, report better bonding with their new-born.
The first hour after birth when a mother has uninterrupted skin-to-skin contact with her newborn is referred to as the “golden hour.” This period of time is critical for a newborn baby who spent the past nine months in a controlled environment.
A 2017 randomized controlled trial found that dads who did skin-to-skin for at least 15 minutes on the day of their baby's birth and followed it for the next three days, had stronger attachments to their babies, compared to fathers who held their babies while clothed.
One in 10 men experience anxiety and depression symptoms in the first six months after the birth of a baby, and one in five will experience a mental health problem during pregnancy and the first year after birth.
Whatever the cause – hormonal changes, fatigue, stress, or legitimate mourning over the loss of the free and easy "pre-baby" lifestyle – it's now recognized that paternal postpartum depression is very real for some dads.
“Fathers' empowerment, intimacy for the couple, closer bonding for parents and baby, and baby benefiting from the microbiome at birth” are all valuable reasons for dads to be present, she says. She agrees, though, that many fathers feel out of their depth and don't understand what they can do to support their partner.
While there's no required waiting period before you can have sex again, many health care providers recommend waiting to have sex until four to six weeks after delivery, regardless of the delivery method. The risk of having a complication after delivery is highest during the first two weeks after delivery.
Remember to take things slowly, find a comfortable position, and let your partner control the pace. She may still be sore or afraid of pain. And don't forget about foreplay: Not only is it fun, but it enhances lubrication. Postpartum women tend to need a little extra, especially if she's breastfeeding.
During a c-section
The midwife or operating assistant will give you a top, trousers and hat to wear in the operating theatre. This is for hygiene reasons. Find out what happens during a c-section.
“These differing sensitivities may represent evolutionary differences that make women sensitive to sounds associated with a potential threat to their children while men are more finely tuned to disturbances posing a possible threat to the whole family,” said psychologist Dr David Lewis.
Meanwhile, moms are home with the new baby, with no time-specific duties or even people to interact with (we wouldn't even need to get dressed). Despite these circumstances, both mom and dad benefit when they wake up to tend to the baby throughout the night, in one way or another.
If your baby will take a good feeding while still being swaddled, keep them swaddled. If they need to be unswaddled to eat well, unswaddle them. If your baby awakens, it's okay: many wake up during the feeding.
Keep visits short and frequent
Frequency is more important than duration when it comes to infant visitation. This means it's better for the baby to see the other parent four times a week for two hours at a time than for one eight hour visit per week.
Each family is unique and reasonable access for fathers depends on the individual circumstances. Some fathers see their children every day, while others might see them just once a month. Parents might share responsibilities and alternate weekend contact, or some fathers may have weekend contact every week.