Scott goes on to explain that phrases like, 'Call me back or I'm going to take these pills,' 'I'm coming to your house if you don't respond to my text' and, 'I'm so upset, I really need you,' are all examples of hoovering, especially when the other person has made it clear they're trying to disengage from further ...
They will use hoovering to manipulate you back into a relationship. For example, they may promise to change, threaten you with self-harm or suicide, or proclaim their love for you (even though they have struggled to show their feelings before).
Narcissists may Hoover in a number of ways: by provoking the victim, waxing poetically about how they've changed, or even more sadistically, flaunting a new partner to their previous one after a particularly callous silent treatment or discard.
To make up for this, the narcissist tries to hoover you back into a relationship by saying things like, “I can't believe that we aren't together anymore,” “I miss you so much,” “Can we meet up try to figure out where we went wrong with us,” and so on.
One of the most common signs of a narcissist is a constant need for praise or admiration. People with this behavior need to feel validation from others and often brag or exaggerate their accomplishments for recognition. They also like to feel appreciated to boost their ego.
When a narcissist has their hoover rejected it contradicts their sense of self, bruises their ego, and triggers their need for narcissistic supply. You can expect to experience a lot of rage, but if you maintain firm boundaries, you'll be able to escape their abuse, rebuild your sense of self, and successfully heal.
Protect Yourself from Narcissist Hoovering
If possible, try not to respond at all. Silence can sometimes be the most powerful response when faced with such manipulative tactics. Acknowledge what is happening but do not engage further. Stay assertive and firm in your decision if it's one that you've already made.
A narcissist will stop hoovering for three reasons. First, the victim set and maintained firm boundaries that took away all of the narcissistic supply. Second, the narcissist found a new source of supply. Third, the narcissists wants to manipulate the victim by making them feel inadequate, isolated, and alone.
They hoover in an attempt to rekindle the relationship or stay friends after a breakup or divorce. A research study showed that narcissists and psychopaths tend to stay friends with their ex for selfish reasons. They try to stay in your life or seduce and convince you to return.
Narcissist flying monkeys are individuals recruited by narcissists to actively participate in narcissistic manipulation and abuse. The term “flying monkeys” was inspired by the enchanted flying monkeys in The Wizard of Oz, who was sent to do the dirty work for the Wicked Witch of the West.
Frequent declarations of love or simple “I miss you” messages that quickly turn into guilt-tripping, blaming, or even threats to harm themselves. Apologizing for past mistakes. Appearing overly caring and attentive. Claiming they are “forever changed” Making you feel sorry for them by faking an illness or need.
In this case, you might expect examples of narcissist text messages such as “I'm in the hospital, but I'm ok now,” “I can't feel my arm, but I don't think I should worry, should I?”, “I've had some bad news, but there's nothing you can do about it.”
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
It's a rush for them to know they are on your mind. If you respond to a hoover, you reward the narcissist's behavior. If you reestablish contact with the narcissist, you will eventually be discarded by them again.
Here are some narcissism red flags to look out for: Lacking empathy. They seem unable or unwilling to have empathy for others, and they appear to have no desire for emotional intimacy. Unrealistic sense of entitlement.
It comes hand-in-hand with this that narcissists hate being criticised or called out. Which is exactly why there's one word in particular narcissistic people cannot stand: "no".
There are many words people high in narcissism don't want to hear, but perhaps the worst involve a “no,” as in “No, you can't," "No, you're wrong," or — even worse — “No, I won't.” This makes it difficult to go about your ordinary business with the people in your life who don't understand the give-and-take of normal ...