Narcissists hate losing their supply, so they won't let you go easily. Prepare for them to promise "to change." They might suddenly start doing things for you that you'd been complaining about. They may say "you'll be lost without me," or "you'll never find someone like me." Don't listen, Orloff advises.
A narcissistic partner would feel rejected when you break up with them. This can trigger them to seek more attention. They may demand attention from you even after the relationship has ended. They can go as far as promising to change themselves for you in an attempt to keep you in the relationship.
They experienced higher levels of negative emotions and walked away with particularly negative views of their ex-partner. So if you're ending a relationship with a narcissist, you may find them either especially nonchalant about the breakup or especially upset.
“I feel like this relationship has run its course, so I'm breaking up with you.” “I've decided it's best to end things between us.” “I've realized this relationship just doesn't work for me anymore, so it's over.” There's a difference between what your ex-partner needs to know versus what they want to know.
Fear of being alone – Narcissists are skilled at destroying their partner's social circles and relationships with family members. The prospect of leaving may equate to a feeling of being truly alone; Fear of reprisals – The narcissist may have created a culture of fear and anxiety in their partner's life.
The best way to say goodbye to a narcissist is to ignore all their attacks in this phase. It's unpleasant, horrible and rude – I know, but this is just their tactic to intimidate you. In this phase, their contempt will be apparent to see.
Narcissists live with an unquenchable thirst for attention and affection and use underhanded tactics to achieve their goals. Talking trash about ex-partners to gain pity and sympathy is common. Plus, they use cautionary tales about their “horrible” exes to groom new partners.
If a narcissist is interested in you, you might notice that they shower you with admiration and attention shortly after you meet them. They might be quick to say “I love you,” put you on a pedestal, and make grand romantic gestures.
Live alone
Most narcissists will be living alone by the end of their middle age. Most of their family and friends would have abandoned them. Research finds that aging narcissists who had higher degrees of vanity in their youth end up in unstable, toxic relationships.
Their remorse points inward. They may feel very sad that they lost someone and they may genuinely miss that person. But again, it relates to them. It's because in losing that person they lost access to their “narcissistic supply” (of validation, adoration, or sex).
Many won't let you go, even when they are the ones who left the relationship, and even when they're with a new partner. They won't accept “no.” They hoover in an attempt to rekindle the relationship or stay friends after a breakup or divorce.
They WILL move on quickly because narcissists tend to view other people (including their partners) as conveniences — and once you are no longer useful, they will move on.
A recent research study conducted byMogilski and Welling (2017) showed that those who had darker personality traits such as narcissism, psychopathy and duplicity tended to stay friends with their exes out of pragmatism, sex and access to resources.
"The central motivator for narcissists is validation," she explains. "And an ex is often a really interesting place to get it... They constantly need that fresh narcissistic supply, and they kind of know what an ex's supply is like."
Do Narcissists Miss Their Exes? Yes, but not for the same reasons the average person misses their ex-lover. As mentioned, narcissists only get involved in a relationship if there's narcissistic supply available, if not, they're not interested.
"It is widely quoted that it takes an average of seven attempts to leave an abusive relationship." Narcissistic relationships usually begin with covert emotional abuse (perhaps just mild criticisms to start with) which slowly ramp up as the recipient grows accustomed to it.
Don't try to have a conversation about it.
Let them know that you're leaving and any other details that you need to share, but make that it. You do not want to get into a conversation about the relationship because narcissists tend to be good at being able to draw people back in.
Don't tell them you're leaving.
"They will either start love bombing you to keep you emotionally trapped in the relationship through trauma bonding or their behaviors will become even more poisonous and potentially damaging to your overall wellness, physical safety or reputation.
After the break-up, people will experience an obsessive longing for their abusive partner (drug), debilitating emotional pain, and often engage in self-destructive behavior. This emotional response is why some people feel incapacitated by the hurt and obsess about hooking up with an ex-partner for more abuse.