If you are involved with a narcissist, then you are quite used to being lied to. Their constant lies simply come with the territory. To a normal person, it may be very perplexing to be lied to all the time by someone who purports to care for you. Learn about what the narcissist seems to gain from telling lies all time.
In fact, compulsive lying is associated with narcissistic and antisocial personality disorders – likely connected to the lack of empathy and propensity for exploitative behavior inherent in these disorders (Ford, King & Hollender, 1988; Baskin-Sommers, Krusemark, & Ronningstam, 2014).
Narcissists also lie by withholding and selecting information. They lie as a form of gaslighting to extend their control over targets by making them constantly question and doubt themselves. They often frequently claim that they value and even love their targets. In doing so, they have little to no inhibitions.
If you catch a narcissist in a lie and confront them, you will definitely face at least one of the Four D's. They will either deny, deflect, devalue, and/or dismiss you. Deny. “It wasn't me.”
They lie to enable themselves and fulfill their needs. They do not care about others' emotions and lack empathy. They need to feel superior and pulling someone down doesn't seem like a bad idea to them. You can never make a narcissist tell the truth.
If you want to confront a narcissist directly, try sending them an email instead of talking in person so that they can't interrupt or talk over you. If they're not willing to admit their wrongdoing, then it's best to distance yourself from them. Remember that their lies are only going to hurt you in the long run.
They want you to love them.
They may be telling you that they love you because they so desperately want you to love them. This is a part of the love bombing stage of the narcissistic relationship. They want you to feel valued, idealized, and perfect for them so that you will feel the same way about them.
Generally, they will resort to narcissistic rage (explosive or passive-aggressive) or denial. He or she may become enraged, deny everything, call you a liar, twist reality, blame you and then play the victim. You may be the recipient of rage and aggression or the victim of The Silent Treatment.
They get jealous about everything
They talk a good game, but narcissists actually have very low self-esteem. Low self-worth/confidence/esteem is at the core of a narcissism. This low sense of self naturally makes it extremely easy for them to become jealous – very jealous.
Narcissists are notorious for blaming everyone and everything around them. This projection happens because they believe they know how to do things the right way. Moreover, they cannot accept accountability when making a mistake, even if everyone else recognizes it.
And vulnerable narcissists, who freely admit to feeling bad about themselves, are not exaggerating; they really do feel bad about themselves. In general, then, narcissists seem to be pretty honest when they tell you how they're feeling. Brunell, A. B., & Buelow, M. T. (2019).
Narcissists could never admit they would have done anything wrong. In order to protect their fragile ego, they continue to lie and gaslight, even themselves. This also means that you cannot “catch out” a Narcissist when they are lying.
Narcissists also gaslight or practice master manipulation, weakening and destabilizing their victims; finally, they utilize positive and negative emotions or moments to trick others. When a narcissist can't control you, they'll likely feel threatened, react with anger, and they might even start threatening you.
Narcissists don't know they're hurting you. It doesn't even enter their minds. And, if you try to tell them how you feel, they get defensive and make you feel you're wrong again. In fact, they'll even rather “innocently” tell you: “I'm only trying to help you.”
Here are some narcissism red flags to look out for: Lacking empathy. They seem unable or unwilling to have empathy for others, and they appear to have no desire for emotional intimacy. Unrealistic sense of entitlement.
If a narcissist is interested in you, you might notice that they shower you with admiration and attention shortly after you meet them. They might be quick to say “I love you,” put you on a pedestal, and make grand romantic gestures.
Some narcissists lie and/or practice love-bombing by overwhelming their prey with verbal, physical, and material expressions of love. Narcissists lose interest as the expectation of intimacy increases, or when they've won at their game.
So when they encounter a piece of information about narcissism they immediately might feel exposed, ashamed, betrayed, or attacked. Moreover, they often take things very personally and think that everything is about them. So they might feel that the author is talking about them personally or calling them out.
A new study describes a single question that appears to be nearly as accurate at identifying narcissists than a commonly used narcissist diagnostic test 40 items long. And that single question is this: “To what extent do you agree with this statement: I am a narcissist.