People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) deeply desire trust and connection but struggle immensely with it, often oscillating between intense idealization and extreme distrust due to profound fear of abandonment and past experiences, making them see betrayal where there is none and view others as untrustworthy. This isn't a lack of wanting to trust but a core impairment in judging others' trustworthiness, often stemming from early trauma, leading to unstable, intense relationships.
Trust issues are a significant challenge for people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), often leading to relationship problems. People with BPD may misinterpret their partner's actions as signs of rejection, experience intense fear of abandonment, and engage in black-and-white thinking, where a partner is s.
Their wild mood swings, angry outbursts, chronic abandonment fears, and impulsive and irrational behaviors can leave loved ones feeling helpless, abused, and off balance. Partners and family members of people with BPD often describe the relationship as an emotional roller coaster with no end in sight.
Those with BPD often cannot rein in their emotions and therefore struggle to rein in their behavior. Saying "Stop over-reacting" or "I don't understand you" invalidates a complex inner experience and can create more defensive volatility in BPD.
Clinical experience suggests that social rejection and solitude can trigger states of aversive tension in individuals with BPD, and that these conditions often precede self-injurious behaviors (Herpertz, 1995; Stiglmayr et al., 2005).
Although BPD personalities initiate a break-up as a way of seeking validation, because of the intense anxiety at play, they'll often express intense regret because of their abandonment wounding, especially if they're not met with the response they desire.
People with borderline personality disorder have a strong fear of abandonment or being left alone. Even though they want to have loving and lasting relationships, the fear of being abandoned often leads to mood swings and anger. It also leads to impulsiveness and self-injury that may push others away.
Conflicts and disagreements are difficult for people with BPD, as they interpret these as signals of uncaring or relationship termination, generating feelings of anger and shame.
How to Build Trust in a Relationship with Someone with BPD
Some common types of delusions that may occur in individuals with BPD include: Persecutory delusions: Believing that one is being mistreated, harassed, or conspired against by others.
For many with BPD, the fear of abandonment represents one of the most challenging aspects of living alone. This core symptom can trigger intense emotional responses when physically separated from others for extended periods.
The "3 C's of BPD" typically refer to advice for loved ones of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, reminding them: "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it," to help set boundaries and avoid taking on undue responsibility for the person's actions or illness. Another set of "C's" describes core BPD traits for individuals: Clinginess (fear of abandonment), Conflict (intense relationships/moods), and Confusion (unstable self-image).
BPD and bipolar disorder are often mistaken for one another since both cause extreme behaviors and superficially similar mood swings. However, these are two distinct conditions with different causes and symptoms.
Individuals with BPD may lie due to their emotional dysregulation and inability to tease out the truth from their fears. By helping the person with BPD to gain self-awareness of their lies and the damage they are doing, they may be motivated to find more effective ways of communicating their fears.
Borderline splitting can burn bridges in relationships when they act in ways to make their partner pay for it or punish them, being spiteful when they perceive they are being hurt or mistreated. When they break up, they often forget the positive things about their partner, until the partner has gone.
People with BPD often worry about how they look to others, so they may lie to conceal not meeting someone's expectations, like a boss or a partner. They might think their lies are harmless and may not catch up to them, which, as we've probably all experienced, some lies do and some don't (catch up to us).
Some common warning signs include intense and rapidly changing emotions, often triggered by seemingly minor events. Individuals with BPD may exhibit impulsive behaviors such as substance abuse, binge eating, or reckless driving.
But there are lots of positive things you can do to support them:
Some couples stay together for years, while others find the relationship too volatile to sustain. The BPD relationship cycle is a recurring sequence of emotional highs and lows that can repeat many times unless both partners seek support.
Ongoing feelings of emptiness. Self-destructive behaviors such as substance abuse, binge eating, unsafe sex with multiple partners, unsafe driving, or reckless spending. Suicide attempts or self-harming behavior such as cutting, hair pulling, or burning.
BPD Meltdown
During a meltdown, people may experience extreme mood swings, impulsivity, and difficulty calming down. Understanding how BPD contributes to meltdowns is crucial for developing coping strategies and providing support to manage and navigate these overwhelming emotional experiences.
Passionate and emotional – When a person with BPD loves, the love is deep, highly committed and loyal to the relationship. Even though there may be struggles with attachment and fears of abandonment, these are ultimately manifestations of love.
Up to 50% of people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) experience psychotic symptoms like hallucinations and paranoid thoughts. BPD-related psychosis typically differs from other psychotic disorders as symptoms are usually brief, stress-triggered, and the person often maintains some reality testing.
Additionally, relationship instability is a feature of BPD, and clinicians may be wary of patients with whom establishing a therapeutic bond could be difficult. They may also hold the mistaken belief that treatment is ineffective for BPD patients.
Obsessive thoughts and behaviors in individuals with BPD can stem from several factors, including: Emotional dysregulation: People with BPD often experience intense emotions that can be difficult to manage. This emotional dysregulation can lead to obsessive thinking to cope with overwhelming feelings.