The phrase 'grey rock' is a metaphor for a way to deflect and/or defuse further abuse from a partner, a family member, or even a coworker. Simply put, it's when a person who is enduring abuse purposely acts as boring as possible during encounters with their abuser.
The introduction of the term gray rocking is often credited to a 2012 article on the website LoveFraud.com that is attributed to a writer using the name Skylar. According to the writer, the name gray rocking came from the most boring, uninteresting thing they could think of (a gray rock).
Grey rocking is a technique used to divert a toxic person's behavior by acting as unresponsive as possible when you're interacting with them. For example, using the grey rock method involves deliberate actions like avoiding eye contact or not showing emotions during a conversation.
The ultimate goal of the grey rock technique is to cause a toxic person or a narcissist to lose interest in you. While you may not be able to completely cut off narcissistic or abusive people in your life, this might be a way to limit the harm that their behavior inflicts on your life and on your mental health.
The gray rock method is a distraction strategy used to get toxic people to leave you alone. It involves behaving with them in a non-responsive way. Gray rocking includes acts like avoiding eye contact and being “flat-faced” while listening to them.
The yellow rock method is a spin on the gray rock method. It involves adding some niceties to gray rock communication. Its name comes from the idea that a yellow rock appears friendlier, warmer and more inviting than a gray rock.
Grey Rocking vs.
On the other hand, stonewalling is an emotional reaction, where you shut down emotionally and give someone the “silent treatment.” Stonewalling is usually considered a kind of emotional manipulation, whereas the grey rock method is a method used to deal with someone who employs emotional manipulation.
Narcissist flying monkeys are individuals recruited by narcissists to actively participate in narcissistic manipulation and abuse. The term “flying monkeys” was inspired by the enchanted flying monkeys in The Wizard of Oz, who was sent to do the dirty work for the Wicked Witch of the West.
They can know they're hurting your feelings, but as long as it elevates their status, they may not care. Someone living with narcissism does cry. They can feel regret, remorse, and sadness. These emotions, however, don't often have roots in empathy.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
Using the Gray Rock method, your objective is to make someone lose interest in you. You don't feed their needs for drama or attention. You don't show emotion, say anything interesting, or disclose any personal information. Nor do you ask questions or participate in conversations, except for brief factual replies.
If you need something from the narcissist, use what therapists call “the hamburger method.” This method makes receiving criticism easier. You compliment the person, confront them, then compliment. Basically, you ensure you're putting a positive spin on your interactions. Limit interactions as much as possible.
To “grey rock” a person involves making all interactions with them as uninteresting and unrewarding as possible. In general, this means giving short, straightforward answers to questions and hiding emotional reactions to the things a person says or does.
Narcissists are known to engage in manipulative, aggressive behavior, including stonewalling. When a narcissist perceives a threat to their grandiose self-view, they will respond with hostility or rage.
Ghosting is a form of stonewalling considered one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse in romantic relationships. Ghosting and stonewalling are avoidance defence strategies that break emotional bonds, lead to conflict, dysfunction, and eventual destruction of a relationship.
The grey rock method is a strategy for protecting yourself from abusive or toxic friends, partners, co-workers, or family members. This method theorizes that, when dealing with an emotionally abusive, toxic, or narcissistic person, withholding your reactions can put a stop to their behaviors.
They usually want to be the center of attention and may do anything to get it. To make a narcissist fear you, you should avoid feeding their ego. Don't give them the attention or praise that they crave. Instead, focus on your own needs and interests.
Narcissism and the Animal World
There was a variety of opinions but the most common answer was “the cat.” That is an understandable answer. Cats show very little care about people, or even in other cats. They typically seem unconcerned about whether others are happy with them.
As part of their word salad, they will throw random words and comments into the conversation that have nothing to do with what you are talking about and make no sense. This is to throw you off and distract you from the point you are trying to make.
Individuals high in Narcissistic Neuroticism may empathize with animals to a greater extent than they empathize with humans and may use their pet as a means of regulating their negative emotions and controlling their insecurities.
Ignoring them does it best. They love attention. It's fuel for their fragile ego and they need it to feel important or valuable. Cutting off your attention is one way to reduce their narcissistic supply.
Don't accommodate them. If they need you to do something for them, even if it's small or no trouble at all — don't do it. Try to refuse them with the least amount of fuss possible. Know that the more you do for the narcissist, the worse it will get.
Coined after the Hoover vacuum, hoovering is a calculating scheme commonly used by narcissists to "suck" you up into their orbit and get you back into their life. It's an energetically draining dynamic that perpetuates a toxic pattern of idealization, devaluation, and discardment.