Grief is a lot for our brains to process. After receiving the news, you may first be numb or in shock. Our minds can only handle so much and process what it can at the time. It can be tough to deal with an unexpected death or loss.
Grief is a very individual and personal emotion. Much of this pain is a factor of the things we might have wished had been different, better, or more in that relationship. It is also impacted by the dreams and expectations of a future that is now going to be very different than we had expected.
What is the hardest stage of grief? Depression is usually the longest and most difficult stage of grief. Depression can be a long and difficult stage in the grieving process, but it's also when people feel their deepest sadness.
Often the second year is the hardest as that's when the real grief work might begin. This is the time when you may be ready to face your grief head on and deal with any issues that are holding you back.
Getting over the breakup of a love relationship, the death of a loved one, or a general feeling of sadness is the strongest emotion for people, and it takes about 240 times longer than other feelings – such as shame, surprise, nervousness or boredom, according to a study by the Belgian University of Leuven.
The death of a husband or wife is well recognized as an emotionally devastating event, being ranked on life event scales as the most stressful of all possible losses.
Prolonged grief disorder is characterized by this intense and persistent grief that causes problems and interferes with daily life. Grief is a natural response to the loss of a loved one. For most people, the symptoms of grief begin to decrease over time.
They often become well acquainted with the concept of grief. Older adults who are more exposed to the experiences of loss does not mean these losses become easier to accept. Studies have shown that the grief process does not change with age. Grief is grief, no matter your age.
It's common for the grief process to take a year or longer. A grieving person must resolve the emotional and life changes that come with the death of a loved one. The pain may become less intense, but it's normal to feel emotionally involved with the deceased for many years.
Practice the three C's
As you build a plan, consider the “three Cs”: choose, connect, communicate. Choose: Choose what's best for you. Even during dark bouts of grief, you still possess the dignity of choice. “Grief often brings the sense of loss of control,” said Julie.
Complicated grief occurs more often in females and with older age. Factors that may increase the risk of developing complicated grief include: An unexpected or violent death, such as death from a car accident, or the murder or suicide of a loved one. Death of a child.
Most mental health experts now agree that six months of unrelenting grief is enough to establish the presence of complicated grief, and that 14 months is too long to wait before seeking treatment. Additional defining symptoms have also been included in more recent lists suggesting criteria for diagnosis.
Losing a loved one can completely alter your view of yourself and the world. This can lead to personality changes that may or may not be temporary.
Grief can rewire our brain in a way that worsens memory, cognition, and concentration. You might feel spacey, forgetful, or unable to make “good” decisions.
For a small but significant number of people, grief can cut so deep that getting through a single day seems impossible. They remain in the initial phase of shock and disbelief a year or more after their loss. This is especially true when there are complicating factors surrounding the death.
Grief reactions lead to complex somatic and psychological symptoms. Feelings: The person who experiences a loss may have a range of feelings, including shock, numbness, sadness, denial, anger, guilt, helplessness, depression, and yearning. A person may cry for no reason.
Some of these changes will be forever and long lasting, but some will only be part of the acute and early stages of grieving (whatever that timeline looks like for you). And some of these changes aren't necessarily all bad. Losing a loved one is just about the worst thing that can happen to any of us.
You might struggle with anger issues.
A lot of people who resist the urge to grieve a loved one's loss end up stuffing whatever feelings they might have deep down so that they don't have to deal with them. This often leads to them exploding at some point once all of those emotions come out.
People react to grief in very different ways. Some people find they cry very frequently and may be overwhelmed by the strength of their emotions. Others may feel numb for some time, or feel unable to cry. Some people experience swings between extremes.
Dysfunctional grieving represents a failure to follow the predictable course of normal grieving to resolution (Lindemann, 1944). When the process deviates from the norm, the individual becomes overwhelmed and resorts to maladaptive coping.
It's completely normal to begin grieving before death, if you become aware that the person is going to die soon. When a loved one receives a terminal diagnosis, grief can begin right there and then. All the feelings and thoughts experienced at this time can be just as intense and difficult as those after a death.
Gatti said many of us don't know what to do with our grief. "The frustration and constant loop of words unspoken and missed opportunities will have us replaying situations over and again in our minds," Gatti said. "Screaming is a very powerful and accessible way to let that energy out without hurting anyone."
Today's psychological thought largely concurs, emphasizing the role of crying as a mechanism that allows us to release stress and emotional pain. Crying is an important safety valve, largely because keeping difficult feelings inside — what psychologists call repressive coping — can be bad for our health.