Tend to sabotage their own happiness and wellbeing due to feelings of being undeserving. Unstable self-image (lack identity) Believes no one cares about them, and so they don't care about themselves. Unstable emotions.
But for many folks with borderline personality disorder (BPD), self-sabotage can often be at the forefront of their lives. As Mighty contributor Sheridan Ashby who lives with BPD put it, Self-sabotaging (relationships, jobs, etc.) is a fairly common habit of people with borderline personality disorder.
It can feel like everyone abandons or hurts them, often causing them to look for evidence, and creating problems from nothing. It hard to let go of that feeling, unless they do something reckless to unleash the anger, causing the borderline splitting to sabotage relationships.
Those past experiences, lack of support, and internalized self-recrimination created that self-destruct button inside many individuals with BPD.
Self-destructive Borderline
They are prone to all types of dangerous behavior, and they have a tendency to sabotage themselves when it appears they might be making progress in life.
While not one of the nine criteria for a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD), selfishness can be a symptom of the disease. Selfishness interferes with healthy relationships, worsens risky behavior and worsens addiction--all symptoms of BPD. How do we know when we're being selfish?
There may well be some individuals with BPD who are genuinely manipulative or sadistic, especially those who are very strong narcissistic traits. BPDs have very complex needs, as well as very complex maladaptive coping strategies — and manipulation is one of them.
Many people with BPD engage in impulsive and risky actions that may cause them harm, for example, substance abuse or non-suicidal self-injury. Linehan noted that many of the impulsive and risky behaviours in which those with BPD engage work to regulate emotions [2].
A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions. When something happens in a relationship that makes them feel abandoned, criticized, or rejected, their symptoms are expressed.
BPD splitting is characterized by a rapid, extreme change in how a person or situation is perceived. The perception may go back and forth between "good" and "bad" or remain static once the altered perception is declared. In the first situation, the switch is often referenced by the action of the other person.
So, what exactly does the BPD break up cycle look like? It can look like fear of abandonment, distrust of a partner, cheating, lack of communication and self-blame. It can look like idolizing a partner, confusing strong emotions for passion, anxiety and overreacting to interactions perceived as negative.
It can be an attempt to gain control or power over the other person. By shutting down communication and emotional intimacy, the stonewalling partner expresses that they do not value the other person's feelings or perspective. This behavior may cause emotional distress and can be classified as emotional abuse.
Although manipulation has ceased to be a recognized symptom of BPD, persons with this disorder are still often perceived as using manipulative strategies to ensure that their needs are met. This becomes evident from even cursory online research on the diagnosis.
BPD And Toxic Relationships
The quick changing nature of BPD symptoms (e.g., emotional peaks and valleys) can lead to conflict-filled, chaotic relationships that may develop into toxic relationships.
Most people with EUPD/BPD aren't manipulative - but often those around us can be. Maddi Crease writes that a pervasive misconception about people who have emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD) is that they easily manipulate those around them.
Self-Destructive BPD
Risky adrenaline-seeking activities: People with this type of BPD may do these activities without preparing for them first. Self-harm behaviors: These may include cutting, burning, scratching, or hitting. Threats of suicide.
Medically self-sabotaging behaviors are commonly encountered in psychiatric inpatients with borderline personality disorder.
People with a BPD diagnosis depend on a favorite person to meet both physical and emotional needs. It can be exhausting to always feel needed, leading to burnout. If you're the favorite person of a loved one or family member with BPD, they may show some of the following behaviors: Constantly asking for reassurance.
People with BPD may not have a consistent self-image or sense of self. This may worsen obsessive tendencies, since they may find it difficult to see themselves as real or worthy individually, separate from their relationships.
Relationships & Borderline Personality Disorder
“We also have intense and sudden mood changes, and we have severe difficulty regulating our emotions. Unintentionally, we tend to blame others when we make a mistake, which causes us to be manipulative and cruel to those we care about.”
The Victim
Individuals with BPD often feel helpless, hopeless, powerless, and ashamed. When in this state of mind, they may adopt a passive role and draw in others to make decisions for them and support them.
BPD makes people more likely to engage in impulsive or risky behaviors, such as: Speeding or other unsafe driving. Unprotected sex or sex with strangers. Binge eating.