A lot of people in abusive relationships stay in them because they love their partner and think that things will change. They might also believe their partner's behavior is due to tough times or feel as though they can change their partner if they are a better partner themselves.
In many cases, it's because this relationship is defining in their life; it's the only thing that they know to be true. Often, this is accompanied by the belief that they will be the one who will change this person. It's helpful to remember that bad relationships aren't usually bad all the time.
The number 1 reason people stay in abusive relationships is because of fear, the fear of starting over. People dedicate a lot of time building their relationships. Getting to know people is often an herculean task, trying to understand them, what they stand for and the things they enjoy doing.
She may stay because she grew up in a family where abuse was normal, making it hard to recognize when a relationship is unhealthy. She may stay because she loves him and he seems to regret the violence. She may want to try to make the relationship work and help him to change. She may stay because she blames herself.
In a toxic relationship there will always be fallout: moodiness, anger, unhappiness become the norm; you avoid each other more and more; work and relationships outside the toxic relationship start to suffer.
People with toxic traits know they have them
It's natural to assume someone's bad behavior is a conscious choice. But many people with toxic traits don't realize that their behavior impacts others. You may have toxic traits that you don't know about.
As adults, they actually expect that love and pain are inseparable and that there is no other way to be. Unless they can muster up the courage to face separation to be able to leave those childhood limitations behind them, they may feel that there is no other way but to repeat what they've known.
The role models we grow up with are often the first source
We tend to repeat toxic relationships with partners, friends, coworkers, and the like because of the role models we received as a child. The more aware we become of those patterns, the less likely we will continue seeking and repeating them unconsciously.
Why Leaving a Toxic Relationship Is So Hard. Leaving a toxic relationship can be very hard because of all the emotional labor and time spent trying to make the relationship work. It can feel like an internal failure, or that by leaving you are giving up on something you've invested in.
Yes, toxic relationships can change. But that comes with a very big if. A toxic relationship can change if and only if both partners are equally committed to overcoming it with lots of open communication, honesty, self-reflection, and possibly professional help, individually and together.
Fear of conflict.
Usually, the longer you've been with someone, the more conflicted the process is. It is a sad reality that many men (and women) stay in unfulfilling relationships month after month, year after year, because they fear the pain involved in breaking up and moving on.
People with low self-esteem also have low expectations, and low comparison levels. They do not expect many benefits from a relationship, but instead problems- so their low expectations are fulfilled and they stay in the relationship.
Many people describe being in a toxic relationship as being addicted to drugs — that's how problematic and controlling it can be. Many people are addicted to toxic relationships because of various factors like codependency, insecurity, or trauma bonds.
Here's another term to know: breadcrumbing. Someone who breadcrumbs leads you on by dropping small morsels of interest — an occasional message, phone call, date plan, or social media interaction. These happen sporadically and usually don't have any followthrough.
Merging of identities. Those who suffer from toxic attachment usually have a history of unhappiness, disrupt or disturbance in their childhood. For this reason, they often form unhealthy bonding complexes, which can cause them to be clingy or seek to merge their identity to their partner's.
Toxic love: Relationship is based on delusion and avoidance of the unpleasant. Love: Self-care by both partners; emotional state not dependent on other's mood. Toxic love: Expectation that one partner will fix and rescue the other. Love: Loving detachment (healthy concern about partner, while letting go.)
Real love cannot happen in a toxic relationship.
Two people have to merge their lives and validate each other's decisions. As I'm sure you know, getting two people to agree on something can be incredibly difficult. When you're in a toxic relationship, realizing or accepting its toxicity isn't easy.
Deep-rooted insecurity or lack of self-esteem may cause some people to feel undeserving of happiness. Those "addicted" to unhappiness may feel enslaved to their emotions or powerless to change.
Often the phrase “toxic person” is used to describe someone who is subtly or outwardly manipulative, self-centered, needy, or controlling.
A toxic person is anyone whose behavior adds negativity and upset to your life. Many times, people who are toxic are dealing with their own stresses and traumas. To do this, they act in ways that don't present them in the best light and usually upset others along the way.
If a relationship stops bringing joy, and instead consistently makes you feel sad, angry, anxious or “resigned, like you've sold out,” it may be toxic, Glass says. You may also find yourself envious of happy couples. Fuller says negative shifts in your mental health, personality or self-esteem are all red flags, too.
When we think of self-harming behaviors, we usually think of cutting, addiction, and suicide ideation. We don't usually consider our patterns in relationships, and yet, repeatedly engaging in toxic relationships is absolutely a form of self-harm.