We fall back into toxic, old relationships because we fail to embrace the fact that we deserve to be as happy and fulfilled as anyone else. If we truly want to thrive, we have to radically accept the life and love we deserve; moving confidently forward rather than backward.
Scared of being alone– Another reason that keeps you going back to a toxic relationship is the fear of being alone. The fear of loneliness overpowers everything else. For a lot of people there is a very deep core belief that they will always be alone and no one will like them or accept them.
People often engage in toxic behaviors when they are coping with some underlying problem, such as a history of trauma, unhealthy familial relationships, or addiction. Working with a therapist can help you understand what might be at the heart of your unhealthy relationship behaviors.
"Those who have low self-esteem — feelings of insecurity and unworthiness — or those who are going through a difficult time in their lives — a big loss or an unexpected event," can also end up in a toxic relationship, she added.
People with toxic traits know they have them
It's natural to assume someone's bad behavior is a conscious choice. But many people with toxic traits don't realize that their behavior impacts others. You may have toxic traits that you don't know about. Some toxic traits, like absolutism, manifest subtly.
Attracting toxic people doesn't mean that you're a bad, useless, or worthless person. However, it does suggest that you have unmet needs and issues from your past which have not been fully processed and which you would benefit from exploring, with the help of a therapist if needed. Claire Jack, Ph.
When we become attached to someone who's toxic or emotionally harmful, we experience something called “attachment ambivalence”. Attachment ambivalence refers to that anxiety-provoking state of feeling emotionally pulled toward someone that logically we know isn't good for us.
People who are in an unhealthy relationship frequently attempt to end it. But they don't in the end. It occurs because some people have low self-esteem and, due to that, they believe they have no control over relationships and situations. As a result, people choose to stay rather than leave.
If you've addressed toxic behavior with the person exhibiting it and they have taken it to heart, it's possible for toxic people to change. “Toxic people can absolutely change,” Kennedy says, “however they must see their part in the problem before they are likely to find the motivation to do so.”
Many people who behave in a toxic manner have been through trauma themselves, and instead of dealing with that trauma, these people start exhibiting toxic traits. These people usually don't know how to process trauma and stress in a healthy manner, so they end up being unpleasant around people.
This trauma can often lead to feelings of depression, anxiety, disordered eating, low self-esteem and self-harm such as cutting. Mental health and traumatic triggers are directly linked to toxic relationships and vice versa.
Cutting someone off can be a basic function of self-respect and self-valuation. Relationship expert Rachael Pace writes about this and makes a savvy point: “Letting toxic people become manipulative and use you for their own good is never a good sign.
Let it be six weeks, six months – whatever feels right for you. In that time, give the relationship everything you've got. When that 'one day' comes, be honest and act from a place of strength, self-respect and self-love.
The bottom line is that the strong desire to be with an ex-mate, even one that was potentially dangerous, stems from an involuntary neurobiology response. Often one associated with the reward system, in conjunction with other systems. To crave a past partner is not a personal weakness.
We feel they love us even though they treat us badly. This contradiction is known as cognitive dissonance, where we believe two contradictory thoughts at the same time. As a result of the contradiction we can become more extreme in our thoughts and behaviours as we wrestle with the disconnect.
One of the reasons why you're still reminiscing about your ex is because you can't make up your mind about who your ex is; you hold conflicting beliefs about them as you remember a time they were good to you. Write down facts to remind yourself of why the relationship has to end and who your ex turns out to be.
Real love cannot happen in a toxic relationship.
You must first cleanse your relationship before you can even think of finding true love within it. But sometimes that isn't possible. Relationships are always difficult. Two people have to merge their lives and validate each other's decisions.
First, we tend to be drawn to people who are similar to us. We're commonly attracted to those who remind us of loved ones, such as parents, former significant others, or friends. “Subconsciously, hormones are activated because the other person has triggered some kind of similarity or resemblance,” says Beverly B.
Why do good people find themselves stuck in toxic relationships? Therapists often speak of something called “love addiction,” where a person craves the sense of fulfillment and validation that comes from being in a relationship, no matter how destructive.
A toxic person is anyone whose behavior adds negativity and upset to your life. Many times, people who are toxic are dealing with their own stresses and traumas. To do this, they act in ways that don't present them in the best light and usually upset others along the way.
Toxic relationships generally follow three stages: idealizing, devaluing, and discarding. Learn about each of these stages and the impact it has on you.