There is an underlying belief that people are untrustworthy and thus this person may avoid entering close, intimate relationships. If they do find themselves in a relationship, they struggle between fears of abandonment by their partner and also feeling trapped if the relationship becomes more intimate.
They had to repress feelings and needs to survive. Constantly searching for one perfect person or someone better, even when already in a relationship. Views partners as a restriction to their freedom, often feel trapped and takes every opportunity they can to do things on their own.
Some researchers believe that there may be a link between fearful avoidant attachment and trauma. Traumatic experiences can cause people to become distrustful of others and to believe that they are not worth trusting. This can lead to a fearful avoidant attachment style.
Because people with an avoidant attachment style fear not being lovable or good enough, feeling criticized or judged by loved ones can be particularly painful. Especially when it comes to things that they are not so comfortable with, such as their emotions and feelings.
What causes fearful avoidant attachment? A person with fearful attachment may have grown up in an environment where their source of comfort and safety was often compromised with fear and unpredictability. This may involve a neglectful or unpredictable caregiver, or experiences involving abuse.
Individuals with fearful avoidant attachment are a combination of the preoccupied and dismissive-avoidant styles of insecure attachment. They believe they are unlovable and also don't trust other people to support and accept them. Because they think others will eventually reject them, they withdraw from relationships.
Pushing for alone time and hanging out too frequently will scare off a fearful avoidant. They value their own freedom very much, and they're drawn to partners who can be equally independent.
The hallmark of having been raised by left hemisphere parents is avoidant attachment, which often manifests as a deep, lifelong loneliness, a tendency to push others away and a struggle to find life's meaning.
Subconsciously, they will go on to seek partners with opposite attachment styles. Therefore, dismissive and fearful avoidants tend to settle down with anxious attachment types.
These individuals still have needs for connection just like everyone else, but they are conflicted to let themselves get too close and may feel an uncontrollable need to deactivate (or withdraw) when someone wants to get even closer.
"Fearful avoidant attachment individuals will probably feel like they 'deserve' the breakup, that it was inevitable, and they aren't likely to follow up with questions or to try to reignite the relationship," says Holland. They may be despondent one day, and cold and disconnected the next.
Disorganized attachment, also known as fearful-avoidant, is the rarest of all styles, as only around 5% of the population attaches this way. This insecure attachment style mixes anxious and avoidant attachments with unique traits.
The most difficult type of insecure attachment is the disorganized attachment style.
They are ready for intimacy.
Avoidants fear intimacy. Exposing their bodies and souls to criticism and rejection is a constant fear. So if your love-avoidant partner has indicated that they want a more intimate relationship, understand this is the ultimate sign that they love you.
Fearful Avoidant
They fear being isolated from others, but also push people away and are inherently suspicious. They may start fights or create conflict, but fear rejection. They have few close friends. They may experience “emotional storms” or be unpredictable in their moods.
A fearful avoidant during no contact acts slightly differently from other attachment styles. Going no contact with them can become extremely distracting and often requires a lot of discipline. The fearful-avoidant does not express remorse or sadness over heartbreak in the initial weeks of the breakup.
Can a Fearful-Avoidant Fall in Love? The answer is yes; fearful-avoidants have the capacity to love, just like anyone else. However, their attachment style may influence the way they express and experience love in their relationships.
Being in a relationship with someone with a fearful-avoidant attachment style can have negative consequences, such as emotional instability, an unpredictable push-pull dynamic, and difficulties in establishing consistent intimacy and trust.
However, if a fearful-avoidant individual who is engaged in solid self-work connects with an anxiously attached person who is also mindful of personal wounds and needs, the relationship can develop slowly but surely in a safe, lovingly attached way that benefits both partners.
Researchers have found a strong correlation between abusiveness and adult attachment in men with fearful-avoidant attachments. These men tend to suffer from chronic anger with strong emotional reactions leading to violence toward their partners when they experience a fear of abandonment13.
They often seem daring and adventurous, and people might admire them for this reason. Remember, someone with this attachment style typically craves closeness and intimacy. Therefore with work, and an understanding of why they think and act the way that they do, they are able to love and accept love from their friends.