According to David Brooks, the author of the article “Why Fathers Leave Their Children”, fathers don't simply abandon their families out of laziness or lack of love; they leave because they feel unworthy. Fathers tend to go into parenthood with unrealistic standards, which ultimately sets them up for failure.
The absence of a father's consistent presence can create challenges in forming and maintaining healthy relationships. Fatherless daughters may struggle with trust issues, fearing abandonment or rejection. They may find it difficult to open up, express vulnerability, and establish meaningful connections with others.
Many would admit that they have struggled with feelings of abandonment and low self-esteem, due to the lack of a father's love in their lives. Some have turned to drugs, alcohol, risky sexual activities, unhealthy relationships, or other destructive behaviors to numb the pains of fatherlessness.
One million men, 10.3% of all fathers and 5% of all men, don't live with their children.
Through the stress of becoming a father, the lack of a support group, and the insecurities about being the father they dreamed of being, the father begins to think of leaving as an option.
A previously absent parent can come back into your children's lives for a variety of reasons. In some cases, they may start to mature and realize that their children need a relationship with them.
A child can experience grief, anger, sadness and confusion over the breakup of their family. They may blame themselves. Find sources of emotional support for yourself, so that you have the strength to help your child. Avoid criticising the other parent in front of your child.
Child abandonment occurs when a parent, guardian, or person in charge of a child either deserts a child without any regard for the child's physical health, safety or welfare and with the intention of wholly abandoning the child, or in some instances, fails to provide necessary care for a child living under their roof.
Emotionally unavailable fathers have a negative impact on their children in many ways. These fathers often prioritize material things, other people, and their work over their children. They avoid emotional conversations with their children and do not facilitate a safe place for their children to discuss feelings.
However, the trauma begins if a dad leaves and the individual feels not only a deep sense of loss, but also an overwhelming sense of abandonment. The individual lacks that healthy relationship model and often seeks to fill that void a variety of ways.
It can describe people (most often women) who project subconscious impulses toward the male partners in their life. The impulses can be negative or positive, and they're caused by an insufficient paternal relationship. A negative impulse towards a significant other could be shown through distrust or fear.
What are "daddy issues"? "The term 'daddy issues' is used to refer to psychological issues that a person may experience as a result of an absent, abusive, or problematic relationship with their father or father figure," says Bre Haizlip, LPC, a licensed mental health counselor and family relationship expert.
Sometimes dads choose their wants over the needs of their kids. They might not have wanted children at that point in their life, or were unprepared for an unexpected pregnancy. Sometimes dads will choose drugs or alcohol over their families. Dads may choose to leave their wife and kids for another relationship.
What is the reason these fathers are not staying around? Though simply having children can suggest being a father, for many men there is more a father wants to provide for their family. Unemployment and lack of education can be contributing factors as to why fathers leave.
“Symptoms of abandonment trauma can include extreme insecurity or anxiety within a relationship, obsessive or intrusive thoughts of being abandoned, and also debilitating self-esteem or self regard.” When children feel abandoned, it can leave them feeling frightened and unsafe.
Psychologists say the potential of an emotional trauma like divorce affects kids of every age, but it is more impactful when the child is between 3 to 15 years old.
Facts about separation anxiety
Once your infant realizes you're really gone (when you are), it may leave them unsettled. Although some babies display object permanence and separation anxiety as early as 4 to 5 months of age, most develop more robust separation anxiety at around 9 months.
The Long-Term Effects of Abandonment and Neglect
Mood swings and anger issues later in life can often be traced to abandonment in infancy due to the lack of emotional and other support from parents. Some of the mental health conditions thought to be heavily influenced by abandonment include: Anxiety. Depression.
“Fatherless Daughter Syndrome" (colloquially known as "daddy issues") is an emotional disorder that stems from issues with trust and lack of self-esteem that leads to a cycle of repeated dysfunctional decisions in relationships with men.” - Wehavekids.
Research shows that a father's absence affects children in numerous unfortunate ways, while a father's presence makes a positive difference in the lives of both children and mothers.
An estimated 24.7 million children (33%) live absent their biological father.