If forgiving someone guarantees that they're back in your life, and if that puts those around you (like your children or family) at risk. If that person pressures you to partake in negative behaviors, for example, drinking if you're sober. If that person doesn't respect your boundaries.
Mark 3:28–30: "Truly I tell you, people will be forgiven for their sins and whatever blasphemies they utter; but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit can never have forgiveness, but is guilty of an eternal sin—for they had said, "He has an unclean spirit.""
Often the hardest person to forgive is yourself. You are so hurt, yet you realize that you are the one to blame. You are the one who did it to yourself. And so you want to make yourself hurt.
Move On in the Way That's Right for You
According to Deborah Schurman-Kauflin, it is completely possible to move on and heal from trauma without forgiving the perpetrator. In fact, forcing yourself to forgive, or pretending to forgive when you really haven't, can actually be counterproductive to healing.
In fact, research shows that forgiving too readily can erode self-respect [1] and lead to greater relationship problems and partners that are more disagreeable. The point is that claiming some of our anger can be healing and productive.
Reasons Why It's OK Not to Forgive Someone
If forgiving someone guarantees that they're back in your life, and if that puts those around you (like your children or family) at risk. If that person pressures you to partake in negative behaviors, for example, drinking if you're sober.
"Ultimately forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves. We can benefit from forgiving even if the person we forgive isn't aware of our feelings or is even no longer alive." To forgive someone is the highest, most beautiful form of love. You might just find that you get a sense of peace and happiness in return.
Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting or excusing the harm done to you. It also doesn't necessarily mean making up with the person who caused the harm. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that allows you to focus on yourself and helps you go on with life.
Negative Effects of Unforgiveness
Unforgiveness creates an emotional storm of distress in which feelings of stress, anxiety, depression, insecurity, and fear surface. Unforgiveness also creates a hardened heart. The hardened heart feels anger, resentment, bitterness, and hatred toward the offender.
In simple terms, the difference between acceptance and forgiveness is that forgiveness means letting go of the past. It allows you to move forward. Acceptance means you're not going to let the past define who you are now.
Individuals with secure emotional attachment are more likely to forgive and to be forgiven, study finds. The latest psychology and neuroscience discoveries.
When someone does something wrong to you, it often takes time and effort to get beyond what they did and to forgive. A common observation, though, is that older people (in their 70s and 80s) are much more forgiving than young and middle-aged adults.
The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest.” : The first to apologise is the bravest.
I believe that God can forgive all sins provided the sinner is truly contrite and has repented for his or her offenses. Here's my list of unforgivable sins: ÇMurder, torture and abuse of any human being, but particularly the murder, torture and abuse of children and animals.
Rev. Graham: Only one sin that can't be forgiven is on God's list — and that is the sin of rejecting Him and refusing His offer of forgiveness and new life in Jesus Christ. This alone is the unforgivable sin, because it means we are saying that the Holy Spirit's witness about Jesus is a lie (see Luke 12:10).
In the King James Version of the Bible the text reads: 31:Wherefore I say unto you, All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men.
And bitterness can be directly traced to the failure to forgive. It makes you caustic, sarcastic, condemning and nasty. Harassed by the memories of what you can't forgive, your thoughts become malignant toward others, and your whole view of life becomes distorted.
Forgiveness can be good for your health, but that doesn't mean you're obligated to do it and it doesn't mean it it's the only way to heal. In fact, it is completely possible to move on or heal from trauma without forgiving someone. Forcing yourself to forgive can be even more harmful. Forgiveness is not justice.
Too many people withhold forgiveness because they don't believe the person who hurt them has changed or will change. This is a trust issue not a forgiveness issue. Forgiveness allows us to move forward after being hurt instead of staying stuck in the past because of unreleased resentment.
You need to move on.
When you prioritize forgiving your narcissist, you get suckered back in. His potential is dangled in front of you, and suddenly you wonder if you're making the right choice—but a narcissist is incapable of real transformation. He or she cannot and will not change, so any changes are ephemeral.
“In fact, mental health experts recommend forgiving those who have hurt you to improve your mental health and well-being.” Remember that when healing a friendship, you also need to heal yourself. Beauchamp suggests turning to tools such as meditation, breathwork, and journaling to help you process any complex emotions.
Forgiveness is an essential component of being able to attain mental, relational, physical and spiritual well-being. It means forgiving yourself and forgiving those who have caused your trauma, thereby creating space for more positive thoughts.
And even though you've forgiven someone, it doesn't mean you have to forget their offense. Forgiveness is a process that can take time and may require some effort. If you want help, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for guidance.
Forgiveness actually embodies three different things, each of which applies to different situations and provides different results. The three types of forgiveness are: exoneration, forbearance and release.