Even in the absence of drama, there are plenty of reasons why you might not be able to attend a funeral: distance, work commitments, health reasons or maybe you just didn't hear of it until it was too late.
Is it disrespectful to not attend a funeral? If you live far away, are ill, or believe your attendance would cause distress or disrupt the service, it may be better to avoid going to the funeral. Instead, you may wish to send a sympathy card or send flowers to the bereaved family.
Whatever the reason you can't attend, guilt is a normal feeling. But remember, you did not actually fail your loved one. Let the family know as soon as possible, and offer to help in another way. Say goodbye to your loved one on your own, to start the healing process.
It might seem disrespectful not to attend a parent's funeral, but this is ultimately a personal choice. There is no obligation to attend a funeral, and you might find that you would like to say goodbye in your own way.
Funerals are emotional events and if there is family conflict, estranged relationships, or other reasons that can make the occasion uncomfortable, then the better personal choice may be to not attend. Funerals are a way for friends and family to say their goodbyes, reminisce, or grieve, and ultimately find closure.
One of the most important reasons to go to a funeral is to pay your respects. Being there shows that you want to support the family and help say a meaningful goodbye. At the same time, it allows you to honor the deceased and the memories you shared with them.
They may hold a visitation for relatives only, and if so, you should respect their wishes. If you've been invited to both but you're unable to attend the visitation, it's fine to simply attend the funeral. It's typically considered more important to attend the funeral service.
Generally, funerals are public events and there isn't a way to legally ban someone. But as the organiser, you do have the right to ask a difficult relative not to come.
In parts of Germany and in Belgium, it was long customary to cover mirrors with a white cloth because it was thought that if a person saw his or her image in a mirror after a death in the household, that person would die shortly.
There's nothing wrong with not attending a parent's funeral if there isn't a pressing need or motivation to be there. There are many reasons why a person may feel the need to skip out on the funeral or memorial service.
Traditional funeral etiquette dictates that you should introduce yourself, starting with your name and how you knew the deceased. Express your condolences and move on. Don't monopolize the mourners. Give others a chance to share their support.
In general, if you're on good terms with your ex-spouse and ex-family, you should attend the funeral. You were a big part of your spouse's life at one time. Even if you've gone separate ways, those memories and feelings are still very real. If you were on good terms, you'll likely be welcome to any funeral events.
An unattended funeral is when a person is cremated or buried without having a funeral service. This means there are no family or friends at the funeral. Instead, everything is organised by a funeral director. It's sometimes also called a closed funeral or a no service funeral.
What is an unattended funeral? An unattended funeral is a funeral that isn't witnessed by the family and friends of the person who died. Instead, the cremation or burial takes place privately at the crematorium or burial ground. This can either be handled by a funeral director or direct cremation specialist.
Should I attend both the wake and the funeral? It is respectful to attend both, but not compulsory. If you don't feel comfortable attending the wake, or you have a prior commitment you can't avoid, it's polite to let the grieving family know in advance – a phone call or message is usually appropriate.
Attend the Funeral
If your co-worker, friend, or family member loses someone they love, be sure to attend at least one of the funeral events, whether it's a visitation, wake or funeral service. Funerals are for the living, not the deceased, and your presence at the funeral is more important than you know.
When You Should Attend Just the Wake or Just the Funeral. Someone wise once said that you should attend the wake if you would like to show support to the survivors. You should attend the funeral if you need to grieve yourself. If you find yourself in both camps, attend both the wake and the funeral.
An employee has the right to time off for a funeral if the person who died was a dependant. There's no legal right to time off for a funeral if the person who died was not a dependant. However your organisation might offer time off.
How Much Should You Give? The traditional gift is the amount you would have spent on flowers for the service, generally between $50 and $100.
Is It Appropriate to Take Photos at a Funeral? Unless explicitly requested by the deceased's family, it is best to avoid taking photographs at a funeral or memorial ceremony. Taking candid photos of the relatives in their most vulnerable moments of grief might cause stress and destroy the mood during the service.
7: Where to sit
At a funeral, the first few rows are usually allocated to the immediate family (chief mourners). The remaining seats are free for everyone else, and you don't need to pick a specific side.
“Death at a Funeral” is rated R (Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian) for profanity, nudity, drug use and an excremental sight gag.