But if a toxic person's behavior is truly egregious — and the only way to protect yourself is to explicitly cease all contact with them — then you might need to formally distance yourself from them. Toxic parents, longtime friends, and partners might fall into this category.
The person who is unhealthy for you might be a close friend, relative, work associate, or even your spouse. No matter who it is, if your relationship is harming your mental health, the best decision you can make is to cut them out of your life.
People with toxic traits know they have them
But many people with toxic traits don't realize that their behavior impacts others. You may have toxic traits that you don't know about. Some toxic traits, like absolutism, manifest subtly.
Most psychologists indicate that it depends on the situation. When silence, or, rather, the refusal to engage in a conversation, is used as a control tactic to exert power in a relationship, then it becomes "the silent treatment," which is toxic, unhealthy, and abusive.
As soon as you notice toxic behaviors, confront the person. Call them out on any lies or inconsistencies. Tell them you don't appreciate how they behave. This shows them that you're paying attention — and you're giving them a chance to explain themselves or apologize.
“There can be a real grieving process when cutting off a toxic family member,” says MacMillan. “Grief that the relationship is not working, especially if it once did. Recognizing this process takes time and cutting yourself a little slack when it comes to self-judgment is key.”
Here's the thing: When we cut people out of our lives, we lose the opportunity to grow and understand their perspectives. We may save ourselves some pain and discomfort, but in doing so, we rob ourselves of the relationships themselves.
Cutting someone off for your own good is not a bad choice. You have to think of yourself and your mental health. That is why you are choosing yourself over drama, toxic mindsets, and other problems that these people are giving you.
Knowing when to let go.
The signs might lie in the loneliness, a gentle but constant heartache, a lack of security, connection or intimacy or the distance between you both. Whatever it involves, there are important needs that stay hungry, for one of both people in the relationship.
Toxic relationships have three main stages: idealizing, devaluing, and discarding. "Love-bombing" occurs during the idealizing phase. During the devaluing phase, you are picked apart. During the discarding phase, there may be an attempt to suck you back into the relationship.
Leaving a toxic relationship can be very hard because of all the emotional labor and time spent trying to make the relationship work. It can feel like an internal failure, or that by leaving you are giving up on something you've invested in.
Psychologists have identified several personality traits that are commonly associated with toxic individuals, including high levels of narcissism, antisocial behavior, and a lack of empathy.
Going scorched earth with statements like “I'm done” or “I want a divorce” — or even “I hate you” — can do considerable damage, even if you don't mean them. Getting angry with each other is normal. But lashing out and saying extreme things in the heat of the moment is just unhealthy, Whetstone said.
Toxic traits can be defined as any persistent pattern of behavior that is undermining or harmful to others, according to psychologist and toxic family expert Sherrie Campbell, Ph. D. As she tells mindbodygreen, this can be anything from manipulation to selfishness to generally lacking empathy.
Silent treatment is destructive, especially in intimate relationships. Silent treatment creates an atmosphere of anxiety, fear, and sadness that preclude an underlying sense of safety. Numerous factors may contribute to silent treatment.
It can cause emotional trauma.
A person who is ignored feels a wide range of confusing emotions. They may feel anger, sadness, frustration, guilt, despair, and loneliness, all at once.
It can include anything from ignoring texts and DMs to refusing face-to-face communications. The silent treatment is a form of social ostracization and a common tool used during conflict within many relationship types to inflict pain. It involves refusing to communicate with someone who is willing to communicate.
On the other hand, some people with toxic traits may behave poorly because of past trauma, a dysfunctional family life, or substance use. A person's inability to process stress and grief can sometimes transform into toxicity towards others.
Toxic people are controlling, manipulative, and emotionally abusive. A narcissist will use gaslighting to make you feel confused and insecure. They will use every opportunity to shame you and isolate you from other people. Also, a narcissist will always play a victim and make you feel guilty.