When a narcissist apologizes, they're not admitting they were at fault or did something wrong. Narcissists lie all the time, and an apology is just another lie they use to get back any attention or admiration they may have lost.
This means someone living with narcissistic traits may cry from regret or remorse, but not with empathy at its source. They may feel embarrassed, for example, about being criticized for their part in a distressing situation. They may feel sadness or regret that whatever happened paints them in a negative light.
The apology from a narcissist is rarely to make someone else feel better. Narcissists use apologies to return the advantage to them. Narcissists function in a continuous game of control and manipulation. In order to control others, they must feel like they have the upper hand.
Some narcissists may calmly respond to your tears and simply ask you not to cry. They may say that to try to act compassionate and make you believe that they're comforting you.
Any apology from a narcissist is bogus, so don't even consider reconciliation, and always remember the importance of ignoring a narcissist's apology. Smooth-talking, buttering, and perhaps love bombing will occur, so be prepared. They will mislead you until you believe they are becoming a better person.
They ignore you because they want to control you. One of the main reasons why a narcissist ignores you is that they want to control you. More likely, they want to regain control of you. A narcissist uses ignoring people as a way to punish them.
Worse, their neediness fuels anger, criticism, rage, and passive aggressions. In their neediness they draw you into griping sessions, circular arguments, and complaints. Likewise, it prompts them to use sales tactics (like persuasion and pleading) in their discussions with you.
Narcissists don't know they're hurting you. It doesn't even enter their minds. And, if you try to tell them how you feel, they get defensive and make you feel you're wrong again. In fact, they'll even rather “innocently” tell you: “I'm only trying to help you.”
Their remorse points inward. They may feel very sad that they lost someone and they may genuinely miss that person. But again, it relates to them. It's because in losing that person they lost access to their “narcissistic supply” (of validation, adoration, or sex).
Unless they have had a lot of successful psychotherapy for their NPD, they do not feel guilt, shame, or self-doubt so long as their narcissistic defenses hold. This means that they do not think there is anything for them to regret, no matter how hurt you feel.
In narcissists' efforts to avoid blame, they often combine several fake apologies at once, such as, “I am sorry if I said anything to offend you, but I have strong opinions. Maybe you're too sensitive,” or, “I guess I should tell you I am sorry.
It's important to avoid trying to please or appease a narcissist at the expense of yourself. You are never obligated to accept an apology, even if you're being guilt-tripped into it. You can instead say something like, “I'm not in a place to forgive you at the moment, but thank you—I needed to hear this apology.”
The most effective weapon to fend off narcissists is self-love. When you love yourself, it is more difficult for the narcissist to manipulate you and get under your skin. It will hurt them to know that you do not need them, that you are better off without them, and that you love yourself exactly as you are.
Narcissists can feel emotional pain, but not usually in the same way as others. The emotional pain they may feel is usually related to underlying selfish needs. Underneath the displays of superiority and sense of entitlement, they often feel empty, powerless, and shameful, which they perceive as weakness.
Breakups with narcissists don't always end the relationship. Many won't let you go, even when they are the ones who left the relationship, and even when they're with a new partner. They won't accept “no.” They hoover in an attempt to rekindle the relationship or stay friends after a breakup or divorce.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
At the end of a relationship, narcissists may become combative, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more controlling. People with NPD often fail to understand other people's needs and values. They are hyper focused on their egos, but do not account for how their actions affect others.
Narcissists can cry, but not for the same reasons as us - They fake cry. My ex was always completely stoic, even in the face of intense grief and loss. I remember when he lost a close member of his family, it was as if he was empty to the point where he was dead inside.
Studies show that the tendency to make cruel remarks is a personality trait of narcissists, because they: See themselves as superior and more important than everyone else, and therefore more deserving.
According to Julie L. Hall, author of “The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free,” narcissists become more extreme versions of their worst selves as they age, which includes becoming more desperate, deluded, paranoid, angry, abusive, and isolated.
Narcissists also gaslight or practice master manipulation, weakening and destabilizing their victims; finally, they utilize positive and negative emotions or moments to trick others. When a narcissist can't control you, they'll likely feel threatened, react with anger, and they might even start threatening you.
Narcissistic parents are often emotionally abusive to their children, holding them to impossible and constantly changing expectations. Those with narcissistic personality disorder are highly sensitive and defensive. They tend to lack self-awareness and empathy for other people, including their own children.