A sincere apology should acknowledge the mistakes and try to show that you have learned from them. It can be as simple as saying, “I regret my decision” or “I apologize for my mistake”. It should not sound like an excuse or justify what you did wrong in any way.
So how do we build a worthy apology? Experts like Aaron Lazare and Nick Smith, in their book On Apology, point to four essential parts of the apology, and we can remember them as the 4 R's: Recognition, Responsibility, Remorse, and Reparation.
An insincere apology occurs when it doesn't involve remorse or regret. Sometimes an apology may make you feel worse rather than offering an opportunity for reconciliation. A false apology can lead to resentment and anger, which may make you feel misunderstood, invalidated, or manipulated.
In narcissists' efforts to avoid blame, they often combine several fake apologies at once, such as, “I am sorry if I said anything to offend you, but I have strong opinions. Maybe you're too sensitive,” or, “I guess I should tell you I am sorry. But you know I would never deliberately hurt you.
A phrase designed to elicit an apology from the other party, whereby the original apologizer can deflect full responsibility to that other person; usually said in a hostile or sarcastic tone and often followed by an explicit or implicit “…but this is really your fault”
After an adverse event, Five A's: Acknowledgment, Apology, All the Facts, Assurance and Appropriate Compensation, serve to meet the essential needs of patients and their families.
A quick recap on how to apologize: (1) Acknowledge the action, (2) acknowledge the impact, and (3) acknowledge the intention. Ideally, an apology has all three of these components, no less than the first two at least. Acknowledge the action, the impact, and then the intention.
A gaslight apology is an apology given that often appears sincere but the person is actually not taking any responsibility for what they have caused.
When you do something wrong? You need to apologize. But you don't need to apologize when someone asks you to do something you don't want to do. You don't need to apologize for things you don't have time to do, or attend, or accomplish when other people ask.
A genuine apology shows that you feel sorry for your actions and want to do better. It also gives the other person a chance to process their own feelings. You've taken the first step to fix the damage.
Offering an apology implies that they've harmed another person in some way, which can elicit feelings of shame. People who cannot apologize often have such deep feelings of low self-worth that their fragile egos cannot absorb the blow of admitting they were wrong.
A humble apology is one in which you admit wrongdoing—“I'm sorry I lost my temper”—showing that you're not above reflecting on your own flaws.
Like Speech Bubble (2008), Blanket Apology is a dialogue between a man and a woman. The man is attempting to offer an apology for his sexual perversion, unethical medical practices, theft, and hubris; while at the same time attempting to 'save face' and maintain his position as a public figure.
For example, you could say: "I'm sorry that I snapped at you yesterday. I feel embarrassed and ashamed by the way I acted." Your words need to be sincere and authentic . Be honest with yourself, and with the other person, about why you want to apologize.
It is a form of words designed to make you look like the bad guy by suggesting that you have been ungracious and unbending, as well as having unrealistic expectations.
But apologies are too often used as a quick fix for our uneasiness. When we focus more on our own discomfort than on the distress of the other person, our apology is selfish, and selfish apologies are usually ineffective.
The defensive apology
This one takes a bit of finesse and sleight-of-hand to pull off and it may actually work in the moment; it usually includes more than a little blame-shifting too. Yes, the words “I'm sorry” are included in this one; it's the construction of the apology you have to pay attention to.