When INFJs are continually hurt or hurt bad enough, they slam the door on that toxic relationship. The well-known INFJ door slam isn't about punishing the other person. It's about protecting ourselves from more hurt. Even though many INFJs can seem to have a cold exterior, our hearts are soft.
They may harbor their hurt for weeks or months before the other person even knows something is wrong. While the other person may be blissfully unaware of the INFJ's hurt and unresolved feelings, those feelings fester. Over time, the INFJ becomes overwhelmed by their emotions.
Because of how INFJs deal with past pain, they're likely to have similar reactions to trauma. These include: Avoiding people, places, or things that remind them of the trauma. Experiencing fear and anxiety about the outside world.
Usually, they will get more withdrawn and stuck in their head when they're angry. They might try to shut off noise, lights, or find a room they can hide away in to deal with their thoughts and charged emotions. Some INFJs shut down and stop talking and reacting, trying to sort out their thoughts inside.
A heartbroken INFJ might think they should never have trusted this person in the first place and eat themselves up with guilt. They might get angry and defensive, scared of ever letting another person in. It's okay to feel those things, but it's not healthy to stay there long-term.
Why do INFJs struggle so much with guilt? For one, we're perfectionists, and I think guilt goes hand in hand with that. There's also our INFJ tendency to beat ourselves up and sometimes sabotage our own wellbeing. And we're often the first to pick apart and criticize our own actions.
INFJs' sensitivity means they have a deep appreciation for beauty and the arts. They can be moved to tears by music, art, theatre, books, films, food or flowers. INFJs are very aware of other people's moods and feelings and can feel them themselves, leading them to be exhausted.
Too many details or other sensory stimuli can provoke a stress reaction in INFJs, especially when you feel uncertain about a situation. Unexpected environments, events or interruptions unsettle you greatly since you are forced to focus on immediate, sensory details rather than relying on your intuition.
INFJ: Finds a Creative Outlet
If you're an INFJ, you suppress your anger. “The Counselor” type will avoid addressing their feelings of frustration because they hate conflict, and the idea of confronting someone might break them out in hives.
They also have an incredible ability to sense their partner's needs and desires, and respond to them with uncanny accuracy. In addition, whether it's through a date, present, or praise, INFJs will look for creative methods to express their love for you. They will make an effort to make you feel loved and acknowledged.
They tend to be gracious and friendly to people, and if they are confident, they may even have a gift for flirting and making eye contact. However, time and time again, INFJs have told me that they get uncomfortably awkward around their crushes.
If an INFJ is sad, they often want to talk about it but find it tremendously difficult to trust people with their emotions. They also likely already have their own solutions after taking the time to process their feelings, but they like to air everything out by talking about the situation.
INFJs detest attention-seeking behaviors and melodrama. Their strong intuition combined with their awareness of emotions makes it easy for them to spot when someone is being fake or is always seeking the spotlight. Emotionally manipulative movies and TV shows also get on their nerves.
INFJs are extremely observant, and it's easy for us to see all the many ways in which we don't fit in with the groups around us. What is much more confusing though, is why we don't fit in. This leads most INFJ personality types to feel alone, misunderstood, rejected, or weird (and not in a good way).
Despite the fact that INFJs are complex individuals who are highly empathic and intuitive, they do commonly struggle with trust issues. These trust issues may be rooted in their private nature, their idealism, their empathy, or past experiences of hurt or betrayal.
Kindness. As sensitive personalities, INFJs feel attracted to people who show kindness towards others. Extraverted Feeling is their auxiliary function, which means INFJs try to connect in a gentle way, and appreciate those who can do the same. Most INFJs also strive to make a positive impact on the world.
For example, an INFJ may be turned off by someone who is superficial and focused on material things. INFJs are all about connecting with others and they care deeply about meaningful, authentic relationships. Consequently, someone who is too concerned with money or material objects may be a big turn-off for them.
Here's Who Drives an INFJ Crazy:
They have a ceaseless hunger for authority, especially over your decisions. They pride themselves on “telling it like it is”, but this only succeeds in making the look superior and unabashedly tactless.
In some cases, you can't avoid people or completely ignore them. In times like that, an INFJ may talk to the person, but they'll be emotionless, distant and cold. Even the nicest people can't stand everything. Dealing with such a contradicting personality may be exhausting and maddening.
Perhaps the most sensitive of all the personality types, INFJs take it hard when someone they trust lets them down. They tend to hold on to anger longer than they should and are capable of holding a grudge even when the other person has apologized, repeatedly, for their wrongdoing.
The INFJ. Unhealthy INFJs tend to play ego-defensive survival games when they feel threatened, insecure, or forced to conform. During these phases they tend to shut out emotions and become much more robotic in their actions and decisions.
Because of our passionate need for meaningful connection, we INFJs can get jealous easily when we see other people connecting and having fun. We might compare ourselves to them, or worse yet, when someone close to us has friends of their own, we might pull away, feeling unwanted and pathetic.
The most difficult part of having this personality is the chronic, never-ending feeling of solitude and loneliness. It is partially self sabotaged and created, but also so intrinsically part of us that to separate this part of ourselves would mean we would not be who we are.