Cheaters can change because they learn about themselves and what led them to cheat in the first place. They get help from others so they can understand what they did to their partner. Cheaters can change because they are humans and humans can change.
Some serial cheaters experience guilt over their actions, but others show little or no remorse. Most of the time, it is difficult for them to change their cheating habits, but with the right steps and intentions, it is possible.
Can a cheater change his or her ways? Yes, if you give them a chance, marriage therapists say. We've all heard the same, tired cliche about infidelity: “Once a cheater, always a cheater.”
And yet, 54% of Americans say they know someone who has an unfaithful spouse. Research in the field of infidelity reveals that there are three distinct personality types correlated with a higher likelihood of cheating: sociopaths, narcissists, and lonely hearts.
The Progression of Infidelity
Much like the stages of grief, the stages of infidelity are not always linear. For one person, it may be micro-cheating that turns into emotional infidelity, followed by physical infidelity. For another, digital infidelity may turn into physical infidelity.
Results of a 2005 study show that there is a significant difference between cheaters and non-cheaters when it comes to the Big Five model of personality traits. Poor self control, selfishness, anger, boredom, and attention-seeking are the most common reasons a person is unfaithful in their relationship.
What hurts the most about being cheated on? There is no doubt that having someone you love and care about cheat on you is hurtful. People who have experienced infidelity report feeling betrayed, losing trust, rage, and damaged self-esteem.
Cheaters are impulsive, and can't resist taking that risk despite what it might cost them. Cheaters, like bullies, are fueled by power, and drawn to risk. This kind of behavior, however, is a reflection of something deeply rooted inside of them.
The most important thing to remember is what cheating says about a person. They're insecure, impulsive, selfish, and immature. Sometimes, it's a chronic problem that likely won't ever be fixed, just be sure not to ignore the warning signs.
"Researchers find that partnerships characterized by dissatisfaction, unfulfilling sex, and high conflict are at higher risk for infidelity," she says. "Also, the more dissimilar partners are—in terms of personality, education level, and other factors—the more likely they are to experience infidelity."
Cheaters often react to an accusation of cheating with denial, showing no guilt signs. This can be a simple 'no' or more of a statement of unwillingness to accept the accusation. Whatever the form, denial is likely to be one of the first responses to allegations of cheating.
Only when the consequences start piling up do most cheaters realize that they made a mistake. In other cases, if you're able to spot the cheating guilt signs in someone, know that they've most probably realized the mistake they've made and are now finding it difficult to deal with cheater's guilt.
People who are unfaithful to their partners regret causing their loved one so much pain and heartache. Even if the couple decides to stay together, it's very hard for them to have a trust-based, happy relationship. If you're thinking about cheating, just don't do it. You have everything to lose.
Inherent Selfishness/Entitlement. Some cheaters, despite loving their partner and enjoying their relationship, feel they deserve more. Rather than seeing their vow of fidelity as a sacrifice made to and for their relationship, they view it as something to be worked around.
It is absolutely possible that your partner does love you, did love you before, and will continue to love you in the future. Infidelity does not mean that the love is gone or never existed.
Some people want to make things right again and confess so their partner will forgive them, but others try to forget it ever happened in hopes their partner will never discover the truth. This is an excuse to avoid the bitter reality of what might happen after confessing. Guilt doesn't disappear after coming clean.
Look for these telltale signs to determine true remorse: Not only do they apologize, and often, but they also openly express what they're apologizing for. They don't make vague statements or blanket apologies. They show their remorse by doing things that they feel will lessen your pain.
Being insecure
Another reason why someone might cheat is because they are insecure. "Usually, in this scenario, the partner that wants to cheat is seeking out confirmation of their desirability," Winter told INSIDER. "And they use the reinforcement of a new person to bolster their own self-confidence."
Know That You Aren't a Bad Person
"Cheating is a very serious thing. It's a very big deal, and you should take the time to really sift through all of those feelings and reactions you're having," said Gloria. "At the same time, you also need to recognize that this doesn't make you a categorically terrible person.
Just as with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), cheating can trigger symptoms that linger in your life. Flashbacks, nightmares, and obsessive thoughts about the situation are some of the most frequent symptoms. You might also be overly alert and react to any perceived threat to your own or your relationship.
Usually, emotional infidelity starts with a harmless crush. But once we start to flirt and spend more time with someone we have our eye on, a relationship can develop that has romantic potential. Eventually, this opens the door to physical infidelity.
They tend to feel like crap about themselves and have a victim mentality, but they often have a big empathy gap when it comes to how their actions affect others. They do what they want, when they want, because they can. Whether they get caught or not becomes more of a logistical issue.
Cheaters actually have a deep-seated fear of betrayal themselves. They often feel suspicious and rejected in relationships and use this as an excuse to step out on their partners. Cheating gives philandering folks a feeling of power and control in their lives and relationships.
Cheating on a spouse or significant other is sure to cause feelings of jealousy and hurt in the spurned partner. But men and women differ on what part of cheating they think is the worst: Men tend to be more bothered by sexual infidelity, while most women are bothered more by emotional infidelity.
They experience overwhelming guilt, their extended relationships suffer, and they often fear the potential karmic effects of adultery. Cheaters often realize the effect of cheating in relationships once the damage is done. Counseling can be helpful for people who have a pattern of being unfaithful to their partners.