The scapegoat can feel like they have no one in the family who has their back (which may be true), while the golden child acts as though nothing is wrong. Often, the roles are further exacerbated by extended family, deliberately as the narcissist will use other family members to further perpetuate.
This is to isolate and weakens certain individuals, giving the narcissist a sense of power and control. Therefore, narcissistic parents love to play favorites and pit their children against one another. Picking a golden child and scapegoat of the family allows the narcissist to divide and conquer.
Indeed, the Golden Child can be encouraged by the Narcissistic Mother, either overtly or tacitly, to bully the Scapegoat which adds to the friction. The Scapegoat can be punished for doing something well, because that threatens the narcissist's narrative that the Scapegoat is all bad.
The “love” that a narcissist has for their golden child is so conditional because if the golden child were to do anything that contradicted the narcissist's sense of self and triggered their suppressed negative emotions, the narcissist would have to discard them immediately to protect their own emotional stability and ...
A golden child can become a narcissist. Because golden children are told that they must be good at everything and feel pressured to live up to unreasonable expectations, they are sometimes unable to develop their own sense of self. This can cause low self-esteem, which lays the foundation for becoming a narcissist.
In the dysfunctional narcissistic family system, the golden child is the most likely to develop a narcissistic personality.
A golden child's sense of self and their personal boundaries are erased, as their own sense of identity is replaced with the need to live up to their role. Their behaviors and beliefs reflect what their parent expects of them, and they may feel incapable of individuation even in adulthood.
They play favorites.
Narcissistic parents maintain their power by triangulating, or playing favorites. They may have a golden child who they compliment excessively, for example, while speaking badly about another child in the family.
Children of narcissists often end up in relationships with people who have narcissistic traits. These children feel like they can never be good enough for their partner or themselves, so they become codependent on the other person to make them happy and validate their self-worth.
But children who were extremely melodramatic, and who also had parents that ignored or neglected them, spoiled them constantly, or insisted on perfection, were more likely to become narcissists in adulthood.
More specifically: Scapegoated adults often feel debilitated by self-doubt and 'imposter syndrome' in their relationships and in the work-place, and blame themselves for their difficulties.
The narcissist charms everyone around them. They manipulate others to support their distorted version of reality. All the while, they enjoy the feeling of power they get from making the scapegoat suffer. The narcissist is driven by envy, jealousy and a lack of empathy.
A child may be chosen as the family scapegoat because of: Intelligence: A parent may fault a child that isn't as capable at school, at work, or helping with family. Appearance: A parent may favor a child with a more favorable appearance, including things like skin tone or hair color.
Once the abuser realizes that they no longer have power and control over the scapegoat who left, they are going to search for a new scapegoat to regulate their suppressed negative emotions and fulfill their insecure need for power and control.
By choosing a scapegoat to unload their inner misery onto, narcissists show themselves to be the ultimate gaslighters. They wish to fill their victim with doubt and confusion, but in the process, they overlook how it actually illustrates their own inadequacies.
The Hero may identify as the Lost Child if they feel the rest of the family does not acknowledge their achievements. Sometimes the Lost Child plays the role of Scapegoat, disappearing from the family's radar until they become entangled in a family dispute against their will.
Studies have shown that the permissive parenting style is most likely to foster narcissism in a child. Permissive parents are often overly indulgent and provide too much praise, failing to set limits or provide structure for their kids.
Narcissists are known for their lack of empathy, which impacts all their relationships, including those with their mothers. They are often dismissive, neglectful, or manipulative, using their mother to fulfill their own needs without considering her feelings.
The Golden Child is trained to not support the Scapegoat, and to treat as less than, to neglect and to be unaware of their needs, just like the narcissist.
Glass children are said to be the siblings of kids who had/have disabilities. They are called glass children not because they are fragile or easily shatter, but because care-givers tend to see straight through them and neglect their needs more because they have to be so focused on the child who has a disability.
5 ripple effects of growing up as the family scapegoat
Children tend to trust what their parents are telling them. These internalized messages become ingrained and carried into adulthood and can affect things such as confidence, self-esteem, and relationships.
Wikipedia's Definition of Golden child syndrome (summarized)
This causes the child to seek out their parents' validation almost exclusively, struggle to develop during childhood, develop their own identity, and separate themselves from the validation and absolute control of the parent they are used to seeing as normal.
Some golden children might get too clingy in relationships. They may be poor at setting boundaries or rely too much on their partner's validation. This can push a partner away, creating a greater urge for validation. Another major drawback of golden child syndrome can be low self-esteem.
If you're the golden child, it may look like your parents shower you with love and affection, but the love you're receiving is not unconditional. You'll only receive it as long as you stay obedient and compliant. The minute you wake up and stop conforming to their demands, that love stops flowing.