Use good listening skills to provide an objective hearing. Maintain a neutral stance. Don't plan on confronting a cheater by stating your belief or by pointing the finger in an accusing way. Simply lay out the facts that seem to point to a situation that involves cheating, and wait to hear what the suspect has to say.
Although at times, your gut instinct alone is so strong you feel you must confront your spouse about cheating, it's almost always better to do it when you have concrete proof. Straying spouses will typically deny the affair, especially if they believe you're just going on a hunch.
How to Confront Your Cheating Spouse (Without Looking Crazy! )
16 related questions found
Do cheaters feel guilty?
Between one in four to five Americans have an affair in their lifetime. Among men, 68% feel guilty after having an affair. Even if they haven't confessed the affair, most cheating husbands will feel guilty and express that guilt in their behavior.
A study of 495 people revealed eight key reasons: anger, low self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and circumstance. 1 It's important to understand that these reasons arise within the cheater and are not the responsibility of the betrayed partner.
Statistics show that only 31% of marriages last after the affair has been discovered or admitted to. People who are unfaithful to their partners regret causing their loved one so much pain and heartache. Even if the couple decides to stay together, it's very hard for them to have a trust-based, happy relationship.
Make sure you are doing it for the right reasons: Sometimes, people who have cheated confess to their partners only so that they can feel better and ease their guilt. If you find that telling your partner about what you've done will only cause them more harm than good, then this might not be the best way to go.
Don't say things like 'I'm sorry, but I wouldn't have done it if you did. ' Instead, tell them how sorry you are and admit that you're in the wrong. Don't try to justify your snooping, and don't blame your partner for your actions. Reassure them that you'd NEVER snoop again if they give the relationship another chance.
According to Sussman, the most common justification cheaters use is that they weren't getting their needs met in the relationship. They'll often say, "I was lonely" or "I was being ignored," she says.
A cheater, however, may get defensive because you've blown their cover, says Milrad: “It is very common for cheaters to deflect responsibility and get irritated by your questions. They often try and shut you down and even criticize you for being too controlling or suspicious.”
“Cheating guilt is the biggest side-effect of infidelity. A person might be happy with their lover, but there is no escaping the guilt of letting down their legally wedded spouse or committed partner. This can even affect their self-esteem,” says Tania.
The most important thing to remember is what cheating says about a person. They're insecure, impulsive, selfish, and immature. Sometimes, it's a chronic problem that likely won't ever be fixed, just be sure not to ignore the warning signs.
Takeaway. There are many potential reasons why a person may cheat. There are eight key reasons and motivations for affairs, including low self-esteem, anger, low commitment, lack of love, neglect, sexual desire, need for variety, and circumstances.
Infidelity can have lasting impacts on partners and children the couple may have. Grief, brain changes, behaviors down the road, and mental health conditions such as anxiety, chronic stress, and depression can result. Some families have been able to move past infidelity with time and therapy.
