Shadow gaslighting is a term used to describe the act of using “indirect” tactics to manipulate and discredit a target. It typically involves the gaslighter trying to sow doubts about what's going on in someone else's life, by convincing them that their own perception of reality is warped.
There are four primary types of gaslighting behaviors: the straight-up lie, reality manipulation, scapegoating and coercion. Last week we looked at the straight-up lie and reality manipulation. This week we are going to focus on scapegoating and coercion.
What Is Unconscious Gaslighting? It is a form of emotional abuse that happens without the intention of exploiting others. Still, it is an unconscious practice fuelled by specific objectives, including fabricating facts, deliberate deception, playing mind games, reflexive denial, or hidden agendas.
Even though it might feel similar at the moment, unintentional (aka unconscious) gaslighting is not done intentionally or with the same ill intent as overt gaslighting. While some people are more likely to engage in this behavior, anyone can become an unintentional gaslighter.
10 Signs & Red Flags You're Being Gaslighted. If you recognize these signs in your relationships, you may be the victim of gaslighting; they include denial, minimization, blame-shifting, isolation, withholding, causing confusion or doubt, criticism, projection, narcissism, and love bombing.
“Gaslighters have two signature moves,” she wrote. “They lie with the intent of creating a false reality, and they cut off their victims socially.” They spread gossip, they take credit for other people's work, and they undercut others in furtherance of their own position.
A gaslighter believes their own lies and is insistent upon them which makes the person question themselves.
A person can gaslight you without realizing it. The motivation behind gaslighting (and other forms of manipulation) is to have control and to avoid taking responsibility and getting into trouble. This drive can happen on an unconscious level and the person may not realize why or what they are doing.
Gaslighters sometimes know what they are doing and do it with purpose. Other times, it isn't purposeful and is a lack of awareness of what they are doing. Regardless of intention, or lack thereof, gaslighting is very traumatizing to those on the receiving end.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation, and therefore it is a means of achieving a goal. People gaslight for various reasons, however, the central motivation or goal is to control their environment.
I think it's safe to say that even some people with ADHD can be intentionally gaslighting — and perhaps intentionally target other people with ADHD. After all, who would believe these “confused” women with ADHD?
One main way people gaslight is by shifting blame to another person in order to avoid accountability, which is also known as deflection. For example, Spinelli says a gaslighting parent might blame their child for their own mistakes, or an abusive partner could somehow blame the victim for the abuse.
Gaslighting is the use of a patterned, repetitive set of manipulation tactics that makes someone question reality. It's often used by people with narcissistic personality disorder, abusive individuals, cult leaders, criminals, and dictators. It's important to point out that gaslighting is a “patterned” behavior.
Trivializing
This is also done through 'brightsiding', which is a type of toxic positivity that gaslighters use to invalidate their victim's feelings and experiences. Saying things like “look on the bright side, it could be so much worse” is a type of toxic positivity which is unproductive and can be hurtful.
Ignoring a gaslighter could mean you pretend you did not hear what they said and do not engage or respond to them. This could result in an escalation of their attempts at gaslighting you or make them angry if they feel you have bruised their pride. Similarly, they might try to get your attention in other ways.
It is possible for a gaslighter to apologize for their behavior, but it is important to consider the context in which the apology is given and whether it is sincere. A genuine apology involves taking responsibility for one's actions and expressing remorse for the harm that was caused.
When you confront gaslighters about their behavior, they often change the subject or counter-attack by telling you that it's all your fault or you are the one with the problem.
One of the ways that gaslighters/narcissists exert their power through playing the victim. In relationships, gaslighters play the victim in order to manipulate and guilt their partners into doing their will. On a global stage, when gaslighter “plays the role” of a victim, it takes on a different tone.
What Is A Gaslight Apology? A gaslight apology is an apology given that often appears sincere but the person is actually not taking any responsibility for what they have caused.
Gaslighting can be part of a narcissistic personality, but it is not a core trait of narcissistic personality disorder. A narcissist may be self-promoting and feel superior to others; a gaslighter aims to make another person question their own self-value.