One of the most psychologically damaging upbringings is what's known as "golden child syndrome," where a child understands that they are the "chosen one" in their family to be perfect at all times and can do no wrong.
Is It Real? Golden child syndrome, or being a “golden child,” is a term typically used by family, and most often by parents, to refer to a child in the family that's regarded as exceptional in some way. The golden child is expected to be extraordinary at everything, not make mistakes, and essentially be “perfect.”
The child feels the need to prove themselves and please their parents. A golden child will often listen to the excessive demands of their parents to gain validation. The constant struggle for achievement may contribute to additional problems. Children might seek perfection or suffer from an intense fear of failure.
"On the one hand, the grown-up golden child might become excessively attached to another person, not knowing where they begin and end. For example, they might display excessive people-pleasing, seeking the validation they never received as a child.
The golden child is usually victim of emotional and (covert) sexual abuse by the narcissistic parent. (S)He is also witness to, and sometimes takes part in, the other children's abuse. Many specialists believe that witnessing your sibling's abuse is as damaging as receiving it.
In narcissistic families there is usually a child who is treated differently than the others. The narcissistic parent will lavish this child with attention and praise, while ignoring or mistreating the other children in the family. This favoured child is known as the Golden Child.
The golden child makes the parent feel accomplished and successful, allowing the parent to ignore their feelings of unworthiness; The scapegoat allows the parent to ignore the fact that they are the problem.
While the golden child lives in what appears to be glory from their parents, the scapegoat deals with the exact opposite. The scapegoat of the family often suffers more overt types of emotional, and sometimes physical, abuse.
The Scapegoat Child: The Other End of The Spectrum
Conversely, for every golden child, there is also normally a scapegoat in the mix. This is the child who gets the brunt of the blame when bad things arise in a dysfunctional family. Essentially, the scapegoat role is to be the antithesis of the golden child.
Children who grow up with a narcissistic parent tend to suffer from at least some of the following as children and as adults: anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-blame, indecision, people-pleasing tendencies, difficulties with emotional intimacy, and codependent relationships.
Of all the roles children play in the narcissistic family, the favored "golden" child is most likely to develop a narcissistic personality because of the toxic mix of enmeshment, neglect, and entitlement they experience.
Although the Golden Child is referred to as a boy throughout the film, J.L. Reate is actually a girl.
But the ex narc had a golden child. He did wake up. It took him till he was 25 & living with his girlfriend and his father started causing trouble between them. He started to realize that his father never followed through with promises; lied; manipulated.
It's definitely a process, but with time, patience, and work, the golden child can heal from these tendencies, and have much better relationships—with others and, most importantly, themselves.
The penalty for failure is criticism and disappointment from parents and other caregivers. And very often, the Golden Child interprets this as a withdrawal of love. Love therefore becomes conditional. The agreement is this: The child succeeds, and the parents in return bestow their love.
Forty-three percent of parents with three or more children prefer their last-born, with a third selecting a middle child and just 19% leaning towards their eldest.
For example, biological children might be treated differently from stepchildren or adopted children in the home. Only children of dysfunctional and abusive parents report that they are sometimes the golden child, and other times, the scapegoat.
Monopolizing conversations; demanding constant attention. Disrespecting boundaries; feeling entitled that they needn't comply with others' wishes. Betraying confidence. Launching “campaigns” against others: making themselves look perfect and their sibling look like the “crazy” one.
As a result, they may not form a close bond or friendship. The scapegoat can feel like they have no one in the family who has their back (which may be true), while the golden child acts as though nothing is wrong.
In the golden child's case, it appears that the narcissistic parent loves the child with abandon. But it's the kind of love that suffocates the child and annihilates their self-identity. The golden child stays “golden” as long as they play their role well.
They manipulate others to support their distorted version of reality. All the while, they enjoy the feeling of power they get from making the scapegoat suffer. The narcissist is driven by envy, jealousy and a lack of empathy.
When a scapegoat leaves their family of origin they are going to experience a lot of invalidation, devaluation, dehumanization, and chaos that is designed to manipulate them back into the abuse cycle and remain a repository for the family's negative emotions.
Childhood scapegoats may end up in relationships with someone NPD because it feels familiar, verbal abuse is normal to them, and they're used to being treated this way. Low self-esteem. The combination of being shamed, verbally abused, and humiliated can create challenges with self-esteem.
Of the child roles in the narcissistic family, the entitled and enmeshed golden child is probably most likely to develop a narcissistic personality. However, being scapegoated can also lead to narcissism, particularly the covert form.