INFJs are hardworking perfectionists—and their biggest fear is failure. An INFJs fear of failure can transform into a fear of a failed relationship and subsequent abandonment, a fear of not achieving a goal, or deep-seated fear of not being “good enough.” If those things terrify you, you might be an INFJ.
Sensitive people like INFJs absorb more information than others and are more aware of emotions, so they tend to experience information overload more quickly. They become stressed when they are subjected to too much information, including noise, crowds, bright lights and other people's feelings and moods.
People are high-fiving, cheering, and otherwise overdoing it emotionally. As an INFJ you tend to feel out-of-your-element in these situations. You might attempt to cheer only to be taken aback by the awkward tension and self-consciousness in your voice.
INFJs are no exception to this rule, and when they become overly stressed they may display a dark side that includes angry outbursts, obsessive worrying, perfectionism, or even depression. When INFJs first encounter stress, they start to behave very true-to-type.
They might tear down relationships, plans, or even physical objects around them in a state of self-destructive fury. Normally controlled, insightful, and internalized, they suddenly stop trying to cage their feelings in and just want to act on the rage and fire they feel pent-up inside.
INFJs also feel embarrassed when they cry in front of others or react emotionally to criticism. They also experience “second-hand embarrassment”. This occurs when they empathize too strongly with someone who has done something awkward or is embarrassing themselves.
In my experience as an MBTI® practitioner, one of the most common struggles I hear from INFJs is the struggle of being misunderstood. INFJs feel misunderstood in their external environment and even by themselves.
They tend to be gracious and friendly to people, and if they are confident, they may even have a gift for flirting and making eye contact. However, time and time again, INFJs have told me that they get uncomfortably awkward around their crushes.
We crave meaning and purpose.
INFJs are notorious for championing a cause or advocating for others. When we're unsure of our causes or cannot find meaning in our work, we float around rather lost, unsure of our purpose in life. This leaves us feeling pretty down in the dumps.
Why do INFJs struggle so much with guilt? For one, we're perfectionists, and I think guilt goes hand in hand with that. There's also our INFJ tendency to beat ourselves up and sometimes sabotage our own wellbeing. And we're often the first to pick apart and criticize our own actions.
In the world of personality theory, the INTP and INFJ pairing has been nicknamed “The Golden Pair” because these two types can be highly compatible.
As sensitive personalities, INFJs feel attracted to people who show kindness towards others. Extraverted Feeling is their auxiliary function, which means INFJs try to connect in a gentle way, and appreciate those who can do the same. Most INFJs also strive to make a positive impact on the world.
INFJs preferring Quality Time and/or Words of Affirmation is also supported by a survey conducted by Heidi Priebe. According to Priebe's survey, 35.67% of INFJs list “Quality Time” as their preferred love language.
Because of our passionate need for meaningful connection, we INFJs can get jealous easily when we see other people connecting and having fun. We might compare ourselves to them, or worse yet, when someone close to us has friends of their own, we might pull away, feeling unwanted and pathetic.
Unsurprisingly, they can get stressed out by uncertainty and a lack of organization, and they're the most likely personality type to say they feel really anxious in unpredictable situations. This feeling is especially common among Turbulent Advocates, given their sensitivity to stress.
Other people think they're too sensitive.
Since they're sensitive, they're more likely to share their emotions with people close to them. Unfortunately, some people read their sensitivity as weakness instead of caring. This leaves INFJs feeling alienated for having feelings beyond their control.
INFJs keep to themselves.
This can make them hard to get to know, and they are often that one person in the group who's shrouded in mystery. INFJs are also resistant to vulnerability, so even after the conversation is started, the INFJ isn't likely to offer up any meaningful connection right away.
The best matches for INFJs include intuitive types such as INTJ, INFP, and ENFJ. INFJs are the least compatible with sensors, especially ESTJs, ESTPs, and ESFPs. INFJ-INFJ relationships can be emotionally fulfilling yet difficult if both INFJs aren't willing to openly discuss relationship problems.
They want to belong. But even when they feel that they aren't being appreciated, their people-pleasing tendencies may keep them from being able to sufficiently process the letdown. They feel it as a personal slight. There's another reason why INFJs struggle with rejection, and that's because they are perfectionists.
At their best, INFJs make modest, reliable teammates, and allow others to take the lead. INFJs may undervalue their own needs, ideas, and contributions, acting overly shy and not taking credit when due. At their worst, INFJs can be excessively submissive, ineffectual, and too dependent on direction from others.
To impress an INFJ, show them you have a sense of depth about life. Talk about your passions, be open-minded, and demonstrate that you want to live a life with integrity. Show them you love to learn and that you have a big, beautiful, rich inner world they can explore.
INFJs are able to connect deeply with those around them. They are good listeners, who are able to serve as a helpful friend or confidante to those who need it. They seek close relationships with others, often using their skills to build strong, reliable friendships. They are driven by their convictions and values.
The INFJ personality type fits perfectly with personality traits associated with the Cancer zodiac sign. The symbol of Cancer is a crab, and like a crab, INFJs are deeply sensitive and intuitive individuals who prefer to stay inside their shells until they feel emotionally safe.