Covert narcissism (also known as vulnerable narcissism) is the more introverted side of NPD. A covert narcissist experiences the same insecurities as an overt narcissist, but internalizes their self-importance, often while hyper-focusing on their need for attention.
While narcissism is often associated with arrogance and excessive self-love, it's caused by extreme insecurity and low self-esteem. Covert narcissism can be a result of one or more of these experiences: Childhood trauma or abuse: Traumatic experiences in childhood are a common cause of covert narcissism.
Differences Between Covert Narcissists and Overt Narcissists
People with overt narcissism tend to display a high level of self-esteem and extraversion, while those with covert narcissism tend to have a lower sense of self-esteem which may result in defensiveness, feelings of insecurity and self-consciousness.
Here are common things a covert narcissist may say: I don't know what you're talking about. You're being too sensitive and too dramatic. You're lucky I'm so kind and patient with you.
Some of the most common weird things covert narcissists do to manipulate their victims include: hoovering, gaslighting, guilt-tripping, love bombing etc. This post will help you understand the covert narcissist better. Who Is The Narcissist?
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
More specifically though, the Three Faces of Narcissism consist of three variations on the narcissist theme: 1) Prosocial Narcissism (charitable, albeit sublime), 2) Asocial Narcissism (lack of consideration of others), and 3) Antisocial Narcissism (malevolent actions against others).
This cycle is broken down into three important phases: idealization, devaluation, and rejection. By understanding these key points, people who are struggling with narcissism or those who are in a relationship with a narcissist can get the help they need.
Dominates the conversation: Covert narcissists may become aggressive and start to provoke or intimidate you in order to be proven right or have you back down. Lying and denial: Since they will try to win the argument at any cost, they may lie about what happened and deny facts to confuse you, similar to gaslighting.
3. They use shock, awe, and guilt. Narcissists continue to gain control of the people in their lives by eliciting difficult emotions. “After going through a period of 'grooming' someone for a close relationship, the narcissist moves on to use shock, awe, and guilt to maintain control,” Talley explains.
There are four phases of narcissistic manipulation: attraction, feeling small, sabotage, and countering manipulation with kindness.
The Covert Narcissist's Abusive Behaviors
These self-serving tactics can include gaslighting and distorting reality; manipulations to get what they want; showing contempt and giving the silent treatment; dominating and controlling their partner; and belittling and humiliating verbally and emotionally.
A key trait of narcissists is confidence – they are attractive because they think of themselves as attractive. They believe in their own value, so this confidence and charisma become qualities that pull others in, that makes them the life and soul of the party.
While most of us recognize grandiose and malignant narcissists pretty early in a relationship, covert narcissists might not totally reveal themselves until you're deep into it.
Seeking admiration – While an overt narcissist may be open about their need for glorification, covert narcissists satisfy this desire by looking for reassurance. Emotional unavailability – They may strive to appear emotionally open, but a covert narcissist tends to disregard and distance themselves from their partners.
The short answer is a simple “no.” It is actually highly unlikely that your narcissistic partner is even capable of real love, let alone feels it towards you past the beginning of your relationship.
And herein lies the answer to the question: Built into the definition of NPD is manipulation (exploitation). The more severe the disorder, the more likely that exploitative style is to become abusive. That means anyone with NPD can become abusive over time. And abuse is dangerous.
Unlike fine wine or cheese, narcissists don't get better with age. They don't mellow, become wise, or develop late-onset self-awareness. Their personalities intensify, and without their ability to control others, they become bitter, defensive, and bossy.
Wives of covert narcissist husbands often end up feeling “done to” before these same wives gradually withdraw sexually. He'll then resent you for your lack of sexual interest, despite his showing no genuine interest. Your “disinterest” in “pleasing him sexually” is a constant insult he must endure.
In summary, the results presented support the hypothesis that overt narcissists are happy because they experience higher self-esteem whereas covert narcissists are unhappy because they experience lower self-esteem.