Breaking a trauma bond comes with intense withdrawal symptoms, flashbacks, cravings for the toxic person, compulsive thoughts about what happened, and an anxious state that may make you feel like you are going backward, without abate.
Due to the toxic nature of a trauma bonded relationship, individuals suffering abuse will find it difficult to leave the relationship. Loved ones may have difficulty understanding why the person experiencing abuse does not just end the relationship. However, breaking free of a trauma bond often takes time and support.
Do Narcissists Also Feel the Trauma Bond? Abusive narcissists likely do feel the bond too, but differently. It's so confusing for anyone in a relationship with a narcissist who's abusive to understand why they continue to hurt them, even when they say they love them.
Trauma bonds aren't simply a challenging relationship: they are deeply rooted in our basic need for attachment and security. The abuser wields tremendous power and control that compound with shame and embarrassment, making it impossible for their abused partner to leave.
Trauma bonds can linger, even when the abuse happened long ago. You might struggle to stop thinking about someone who hurt you and feel the urge to reach out or try again. Here's a test that might help, though it's not at all conclusive: Ask yourself whether you'd encourage a loved one to leave a similar relationship.
Trauma dumping refers to sharing a traumatic story without thinking about how it will affect the listener, or oversharing in an inappropriate context.
And the fact is, a trauma bond will not transform into a healthy relationship, no matter how much the person being abused hopes so or tries to fix it. “It's often mistaken for love,” Wilform says. “But love doesn't consist of you having to be in a cycle of being mentally diminished or physically hurt.”
Trauma Bonding Test: 10 Signs of Trauma Bonding
You continue to believe their false promises even though they've constantly proven to be unreliable. You feel loyal to someone even when you know their secrets are damaging to others. You find yourself missing and even longing for someone who was destructive to you.
Trauma bonding is an attachment style that happens from a very intense emotional connection. Typically when this term is discussed, it is deemed as a negative experience. In this type of relationship, one partner or both usually end up being overly dedicated, attached, or loyal to someone who has toxic traits.
Trauma bonding occurs when a narcissist repeats a cycle of abuse with another person which fuels a need for validation and love from the person being abused. Trauma bonding often happens in romantic relationships, however, it can also occur between colleagues, non-romantic family members, and friends.
“Trauma dumping refers to the oversharing of difficult emotions and thoughts with others,” Dr. Prewitt explains. “It is not a clinical term used by mental health providers, but people who engage in 'trauma dumping' often share traumatic events or stressful situations with others during inappropriate times.”
A study among 150 survivors of trauma bonded romantic relationships and 150 survivors of trauma bonded relationships among family members revealed that the average duration of the trauma bond for those bonded to a romantic partner was 5.5 years and for those bonded to a family member it was 12.2 years.
overexplained; overexplaining. transitive + intransitive. : to explain (something) to an excessive degree. The stories tended to be as simple as a good children's picture-book, so that nothing needed to be overexplained.
To put it plainly, common negative effects of trauma bonding include: Isolation from loved ones. Mental illness, such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, and/or depression. A pattern of unhealthy relationships.
The Effects of Trauma Bonding
Those who do not know what a trauma bond is don't realize that the biggest problem with a trauma bond relationship is that the victim becomes trapped in a toxic relationship and will not leave. Especially in terms of emotional abuse, the toxicity in the relationship may be more subtle.
Unfortunately, transforming a trauma bond into a healthy attachment rarely happens, although it is possible to stop one from forming before it's too late. If you know that you are in a toxic relationship, seek help. It may seem difficult, even impossible.
Much like love bombing, trauma bonds can give the resemblance of love. They're often confused for love because of the trying nature, and when you love someone, you do try. Trauma bond relationships are driven by fear, not love, which is the biggest differentiator between trauma bonds and love.
Through ongoing gaslighting and demeaning of the partner, the narcissist undermines the individual's self-worth and self-confidence, creating extreme emotional abuse that is constant and devastating.