What Is A Manipulative Parent. A manipulative parent is one who uses various tactics to control, exploit, or influence their children to get what they want or serve their own needs, often at the expense of their child's well-being1.
Affect Child's Sense Of Worth
When children are being manipulated they often feel bad about themselves. This can make them avoid their parent or even seek out other adults who are outside of the family to get advice. These feelings arise due to guilt and shame tactics used by parents.
Make up or distort facts about the other parent, especially relating to the divorce, and share inappropriately adult matters with the child; Use the child as a spy; Use the child as a messenger; Threaten self harm if the other parent or the child does not give into their demands.
Toxic parents create a negative and toxic home environment. They use fear, guilt, and humiliation as tools to get what they want and ensure compliance from their children. They are often neglectful, emotionally unavailable, and abusive in some cases. They put their own needs before the needs of their children.
Here are some things manipulative parents say to send a clear message that they are using silent treatment. “I don't want to talk to you right now.” “I don't have anything to say to you.” “I don't want to be near you.”
Manipulative movements such as throwing, catching, kicking, trapping, striking, volleying, bouncing, and ball rolling are considered to be fundamental manipulative skills.
This begins between the ages of 3-6 years, and during this time, children learn how to get their needs met while considering what other people need as well. Although they are small, children find power in many ways.
What is Malicious Parent Syndrome? Malicious Parent Syndrome (MPS) is a type of vengeful behavior exhibited by some divorcing or separated parents. It occurs when a parent deliberately tries to place the other bad parent in a bad light and harm their child's relationship with them.
A narcissistic mother may feel entitled or self-important, seek admiration from others, believe she is above others, lack empathy, exploit her children, put others down, experience hypersensitivity to criticism, believe she deserves special treatment, and worst of all, maybe naïve to the damage she is causing.
The manipulator may feel stress and anxiety from having to constantly “cover” themselves, for fear of being found out and exposed. The manipulator may experience quiet but persistent moral crises and ethical conflicts, and may have a difficult time living with themselves.
Be direct and persistent, and use "I" statements to avoid generalities and accusations. For instance, you could say, "I would feel taken advantage of if I did that" instead of, "You're taking advantage of me!" Manipulators will often change the subject or use other avoidance tactics when you confront them.
Examples of Gaslighting Parents
Here are a few examples of gaslighting behaviors. A parent might tell a child, “you're not hungry; you're tired” when he or she begs for a snack in the grocery store. Or, the parent might say, “you're being too sensitive” when a child complains that a sibling hurt his or her feelings.
The most common toxic behavior of parents is to criticize their child, express self-wishes, complain about the difficulties of raising a child, make unhealthy comparisons, and make hurtful statements1.
Some of the common signs of a toxic parent or parents include: Highly negatively reactive. Toxic parents are emotionally out of control. They tend to dramatize even minor issues and see any possible slight as a reason to become hostile, angry, verbally abusive, or destructive.
Effects of Toxic Parents
Toxic parents can have negative effects on children throughout their lifespan, including mental health disorders, depression, anxiety, drug and alcohol use, etc. Young children often show signs early on that their relationship with their parents is affecting their mental and physical health.
Impacts on Adult Daughters
If you're the daughter of a toxic mother, it's likely that you grew up feeling unsupported, unloved, and unworthy. This deep sense of inadequacy can lead to a number of problems in adulthood, including codependency, low self-esteem, and difficulty setting boundaries.
Authoritarian Parenting
Mistakes usually lead to punishment. Authoritarian parents are normally less nurturing and have high expectations with limited flexibility. Children that grow up with authoritarian parents will usually be the most well-behaved in the room because of the consequences of misbehaving.