“It's not my fault, it's because of you/money/stress/work.” “If you wouldn't have done this, I wouldn't have done that.” “You knew what you were getting into; this is just the way that I am.”
Arguing with a narcissist can be extremely difficult — people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) feel very little empathy for others and are often manipulative. They may use tactics like turning the blame on you, gaslighting you, and resorting to disrespectful behavor.
To win, they try to dominate, bully, deceive, demean, humiliate, and hurt others. For that, they use certain common and predictable tactics that include but are not limited to arguing in bad faith, lying, denying, deflecting and attacking, gaslighting, and intimidating.
There is no grand list of specific phrases narcissists use, but there are common phrases to look out for like, “My exes are all crazy,” and, “You're too sensitive,” as well as a host of manipulation tactics to try to control you.
They might insult you, threaten violence, yell, or lie to make themselves look better. Be mentally prepared for a strong reaction and remember to stay calm and diplomatic. Don't yell or threaten them back and put physical distance between you if you feel unsafe.
It comes hand-in-hand with this that narcissists hate being criticised or called out. Which is exactly why there's one word in particular narcissistic people cannot stand: "no".
There are many words people high in narcissism don't want to hear, but perhaps the worst involve a “no,” as in “No, you can't," "No, you're wrong," or — even worse — “No, I won't.” This makes it difficult to go about your ordinary business with the people in your life who don't understand the give-and-take of normal ...
He was insufferable at times–self-centred and narcissistic.
Narcissistic rage occurs when a narcissist's beliefs about their perceived importance or grandiosity are confronted. In turn, they respond with extreme anger toward the perceived threat. Whether narcissistic rage results from criticism, losing control, or minor setbacks, being on the receiving end can be terrifying.
Some narcissists respond to all this by deflecting the blame onto others. While other narcissists will project their feelings and motivations outwards, accusing others of what they are guilty of saying or doing. In addition, many narcissists cope with their rage by gaslighting their friends, family, and co-workers.
Narcissists may use a blame-shifting apology, where they apologize but then shift the blame onto the other person. For example, they may say, “I'm sorry I yelled at you, but you made me so angry.” This type of apology does not take responsibility for their actions and places the blame on the other person.
Many Narcissists say provocative and nasty things to get a response from you. Usually they do it because they feel angered or insulted by something you have done and want to start a fight. Or, they may be anxious or angry about something else entirely and are taking it out on you.
Narcissists are hurt by challenges or threats to their superior and grandiose self-image (also known as narcissistic injury). Their sense of entitlement and lack of empathy means they will attempt to destroy the culprit by any means necessary.
Narcissists may use the silent treatment to communicate they are unhappy with you, to control you, or as a form of punishment. If the narcissist uses the silent treatment to deflect responsibility for something they have done wrong, it can also be a form of narcissistic gaslighting.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen. Narcissists believe only special people get attention.
#1 They Fear Rejection
What is this? Narcissists despise rejection, it destabilizes and invalidates them. They work exceptionally hard to keep up appearances; inwardly, they feel unlovable and inferior. Any form of rejection, whether professional, personal, or social, sends them on a warpath.
A narcissistic collapse happens when a narcissist believes that someone (or something) is threatening their ability to maintain their superficial inflated ego. People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) often look down on others to maintain the positive images they hold about themselves.