While models vary, a common framework for the stages of forgiveness involves acknowledging the injury and pain (Uncovering/Hurt), making a conscious decision to let go (Decision/Work Phase), and ultimately releasing negative feelings for your own peace, sometimes leading to compassion or transcendence (Release/Transcendence). These stages aren't always linear, often overlapping or requiring revisit, and differ from simple forgetting.
3 Phases of Forgiveness
Following the 4 Rs of Self-Forgiveness. Those four steps are Responsibility, Remorse, Restoration, and Renewal – also known as the “4 Rs.” If you can honestly and genuinely make your way through these four steps, you are well on your way to forgiving yourself.
The three types of forgiveness are: exoneration, forbearance and release.
Forgiveness describes a family of actions intended to break or prevent destructive cycles of human interaction. This chapter describes how forgiveness might be conceptualized at four levels: intrapersonal, relational, organizational, and collective-group.
Additionally, we can live out the Golden Rule by forgiving others as we would like to be forgiven. This means letting go of grudges and resentment, extending a hand of reconciliation, and seeking restoration in relationships.
The highest form of forgiveness is to realise that the other committed a mistake out of ignorance and having a sense of compassion for them.
How to Forgive When It Feels Impossible
Think of a gift of some kind that you can offer to the person you are trying to forgive. Forgiveness is an act of mercy—you are extending mercy toward someone who may not have been merciful toward you. This could be through a smile, a returned phone call, or a good word about them to others.
Forgiveness includes acknowledging that you are hurt, accepting the pain as your own, and being honest with yourself about the effect it's had on you.
Biblical forgiveness/True forgiveness means:
Not holding the fault/offense of the person to them (Ps. 103:10, 12). Not having any animosity (ill will, hatred, resentment, hostility) toward the person still (Rom. 5:8-11).
“I will not dwell on this incident.” “I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.” “I will not talk to others about this incident.” “I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.” **
Still, consider these steps to true forgiveness a rubric for embarking on a passage to meaningful forgiveness that will help you find resolution.
Acknowledge your emotions about the harm done to you, recognize how those emotions affect your behavior, and work to release them. Choose to forgive the person who's offended you. Release the control and power that the offending person and situation have had in your life.
“Every good apology has three operative elements: acknowledgment, acceptance, and amends,” John Baldoni writes in SmartBrief .
How to Let Go and Forgive
The biggest unforgivable sin varies by faith, but in Christianity, it's often seen as blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, a persistent rejection of God's grace, while in Islam, the gravest unforgivable sin is shirk, or associating partners with God, if not repented. Pride is also considered a foundational, serious sin across many faiths, linked to the downfall of figures like Satan.
Understanding the Eight Prayer Watches: The Fourth Prayer Watch (3:00 A.M. to 6:00 A.M.) The fourth prayer watch is always important because it is the last prayer watch of the night. It was during this time the Israelites were delivered from slavery in Egypt (Exodus 12, 14).
Forgiveness has four stages: hate, hurt, heal, come together. (This model was inspired by Louis Smedes' book, “Forgive and Forget.” I've reordered Smedes' words, and I've changed my understanding of what each phase of the process means.)
That is full, robust forgiveness. Jesus talked about it in Luke 17:3–4, where he said, “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, 'I repent,' you must forgive him.”
In Isaiah 43:18-19, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.”
The hardest person to forgive is your younger self. It's easier to extend grace to people who hurt us than it is to look back and forgive the person we used to be.
One of the signs of forgiveness is being able to have neutral thoughts about the person and dropping the grudge. It's important to note that this doesn't mean forgetting what happened or condoning the behavior that caused the harm.
"Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude." - Martin Luther King, Jr. "Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them." "If you cannot forgive and forget, pick one."