Silence intensifies the impact of trauma, and trauma that goes unspoken, un-witnessed, and unclaimed too often "outs itself" as more violence to self or others.
Trauma can change your life in profound ways. While not everyone who experiences or witnesses a traumatic event will develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), those that do frequently suffer in silence.
Silence may be a part of our personality, certainly, but it may also be a coping mechanism that has prevented us from properly expressing and confronting emotions and feelings. We push the feelings down and replace them with substances to extinguish them.
Rather than trying to fight or escape the threat, the fawn response attempts to befriend it. By presenting oneself as a friend, supporter, or partner, a person who fawns in response to trauma may avoid further aggression from their abuser. Examples of fawning include: Ignoring your needs to take care of somebody else.
They feel that no one really wants to hear how terrible something was for them, whether it is being sexually assaulted, the suicide of a relative, or combat. People who have experienced any of these examples might feel that no one can understand the experience.
Impact of 'Silence' on the Participants
Also, silent behaviours tended to trigger negative emotions that led to negative thoughts about their language proficiency, fears of receiving unwanted attention due to not speaking when expected to, and feeling pressure to speak because of their peers' 'silence'.
A 2012 study shows that the silent treatment stimulates the anterior cingulate cortex, which is the same area in the brain that registers pain. This means that people not only feel emotional pain when given the silent treatment but also a certain level of physical pain.
Understand that stonewalling is likely rooted in trauma, and you may need professional help to overcome this damaging habit. Consider a couples counselor if you are unable to resolve the issue on your own, as stonewalling will end the realationship for you sooner or later.
Unhealthy fight responses can include controlling behaviors, narcissistic tendencies, bullying, conduct disorder, demanding perfection from others, and feelings of entitlement.
The silent treatment can be used to manipulate and control the other person by making them feel guilty or ashamed. The silent treatment is often used as a form of punishment or as a way to control the conversation. It can also be used as a form of emotional blackmail.
With all of the constant noise you hear on a day-to-day basis, embracing silence can help stimulate your brain and help you process information. It can also help you become more self-aware and relieve stress. Embracing silence may also help you settle into the present moment and quiet any racing thoughts.
Narcissists may use the silent treatment to communicate they are unhappy with you, to control you, or as a form of punishment. If the narcissist uses the silent treatment to deflect responsibility for something they have done wrong, it can also be a form of narcissistic gaslighting.
As a result, communicating with others becomes increasingly difficult for trauma survivors because they are protecting themselves from being hurt again. As well, they feel like danger lurks around the corner at all times. This is a common response for individuals who have survived traumatic experiences.
The silent treatment, even if it's brief, activates the anterior cingulate cortex – the part of the brain that detects physical pain. The initial pain is the same, regardless of whether the exclusion is by strangers, close friends or enemies.
The Two Types
A person who is stonewalling their partner may see it as a way to gain power. On the other hand, unintentional stonewalling often occurs when a person feels overwhelmed, anxious, or powerless during a conversation.
John Gottman, a marriage therapist who did extensive research on stonewalling in partnerships, found men often react to disagreements with more signs of physiological stress than women do, and thus, they have been shown to be more likely to stonewall than women, often in an attempt to remain neutral or avoid conflict.
The antidote to stonewalling is to take a self-soothing break for at least 20 minutes and then re-engage with your partner when you feel calmer and are able to constructively express your views.
If someone displays unmanageable emotions and easily flies off the handle, this is a serious red flag. Responding with uncontrollable rage or the "silent treatment" could point to abusive (physical or emotional) behavior in the future, says Trombetti.
The silent treatment is strikingly similar to gaslighting, as both flourish in power and control. In fact, some therapists call the silent treatment a form of gaslighting, used to cause personal uncertainty, and a sense of doubt when considering goals, self-views and worldviews.
By establishing boundaries, enforcing consequences if necessary, sharing emotions with others, and speaking up for yourself; you will take away their power, thus protecting yourself from the narcissist's silent treatment.
Below are some of the most common signs that someone is suffering from unresolved trauma: Anxiety or panic attacks that occur in what would be considered normal situations. A feeling of shame; an innate feeling that they are bad, worthless, or without importance. Suffering from chronic or ongoing depression.
If the trauma is left untreated, one can experience nightmares, insomnia, anxiety, depression, phobias, substance abuse, panic attacks, anger, irritability, or hopelessness.