Should I attend both the wake and the funeral? It is respectful to attend both, but not compulsory. If you don't feel comfortable attending the wake, or you have a prior commitment you can't avoid, it's polite to let the grieving family know in advance – a phone call or message is usually appropriate.
"Talking or being on your phone during the service is one of the most disrespectful things you could do at a funeral," says Myka Meier, Beaumont Etiquette founder and etiquette expert. It's important to be as present as possible. "Silence your phone, shut off your phone, or even just leave it behind.
It might seem disrespectful not to attend a parent's funeral, but this is ultimately a personal choice. There is no obligation to attend a funeral, and you might find that you would like to say goodbye in your own way. If you were estranged from the parent, you may have already grieved their death in your own way.
Everyone attending is welcome to follow the family to the grave site service unless the burial is private—that is, attended by immediate family only—but no one is obliged to attend.
A visitation usually lasts a few hours, but it's more of a come-and-go event. Guests are not obligated to stay throughout and can arrive and leave anytime. General etiquette dictates that if you're a close friend, you should stay a few hours to show your support and help. If you're not, 15 – 20 minutes is okay.
Avoid dressing in casual clothing, such as athletic wear, tank tops, or shorts. Skip the flip-flops, tennis shoes, sneakers, or boat shoes. Remove the neon necktie, purse, or accessory. Shy away from wearing jeans, even black ones, because they are considered too casual for a funeral.
For example, a wake is a more informal time for visitation and remembrance of the dead, whereas a funeral typically contains structured rituals and is often religious in nature. It's common for a family to have both a wake and a funeral in order to commemorate the death of a loved one.
Some reasons to not go to a funeral include: You want to go, but the service is private. The service is out of town and travel would be difficult. You are sick or have a chronic condition that would make it difficult, impossible, or highly uncomfortable to attend.
At the funeral service, family traditionally sit on the right-hand side while friends, colleagues and other mourners sit on the left. Immediate family and close friends sit in the front few rows.
If you are struggling to find a way to put your thoughts into words, and you want to send a message but are unable to think of what to say to someone before a funeral, consider something simple; “I will be thinking of you today.” “Sending love and prayers to you and your family.” “I hope things run smoothly today.”
Stealing anything from a deceased person or their family is obviously a no-go. Even “just a flower or two,” is also disrespectful.
Funerals are a way for friends and family to say their goodbyes, reminisce, or grieve, and ultimately find closure. Choosing whether to attend is at the discretion of each individual, family member. Whatever you choose, know that it isn't disrespectful to not go to a funeral for personal reasons.
Is It Okay to Smile at a Funeral? It's not only okay to smile at a funeral but it's also encouraged, especially when greeting the bereaved. Seeing someone smile at us can help lift our spirits. It's also a nonverbal way of showing support.
Wearing dark grey or deep blue is just as appropriate as black, while brown and lighter greys are suitable for the vast majority of funeral services. However, unless specifically requested by the deceased or their family, you should avoid any bright colors such as yellows, oranges, pinks, and reds.
Is It Appropriate to Take Photos at a Funeral? Unless explicitly requested by the deceased's family, it is best to avoid taking photographs at a funeral or memorial ceremony. Taking candid photos of the relatives in their most vulnerable moments of grief might cause stress and destroy the mood during the service.
The bereaved is a close friend or family member.
Attending the funeral of a close friend or family member is almost always the right move. Unless there is some particular reason that you cannot attend, go to the funeral.
It is not a selfish act to request not to have a funeral after you pass away. There are many reasons why you may not want to have a funeral and any of them are valid. You deserve to have any send-off that you wish for, so don't be afraid to share your last wishes with your family openly and honestly.
A standard funeral can be up to about 2 weeks after the date of death. If the body is cremated, the family can wait as long as they'd like, but most are done within a month at the latest. If the deceased is already buried or cremated, a memorial service can be held at any later date.
Traditionally, funeral etiquette suggests men and women wear black clothing that's conservative and respectful. Black or dark colours are most common, but some cultures expect mourners to wear a less traditional funeral colour.
Wakes are generally more casual and interactive than funeral services, which are more structured around certain rituals. Many families will have both a wake and a funeral, with the wake taking place the day before the funeral service or afterward at the families' home.
When thinking about what to wear to a wake, women have to remember that this is a somber occasion, and it is best to choose conservative colors and styles. You don't have to wear black, but it is acceptable if you decide to wear all black. Other colors include navy blue, gray, blush colors, and neutrals such as beige.
More specifically, wakes are a Catholic tradition, so if you go to a Catholic wake you can expect a priest to be there saying prayers.