Going through a breakup can be traumatic. Similar to other traumas, like the death of a loved one, breakups can cause overwhelming and long-lasting grief.
An unexpected and unwanted breakup can cause considerable psychological distress. You may feel as if you have been kicked in the stomach or blindsided and knocked down. Feelings of rejection and self-doubt are common, as is the feeling of being stuck and unable to let go, even when one wants to.
A new study from Cornell University, published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, shares that the most hurtful breakup is being dumped for someone else, otherwise known as “comparative rejection”.
It is possible, real, and valid to experience PTSD after an abusive relationship. Living in a toxic relationship can take an extreme toll on mental health, and the negative effects of that relationship often last far after a break up.
Studies suggest that most people start to feel better around three months post-breakup. One study, which evaluated 155 undergraduates who'd been through breakups in the last six months, found that 71 percent start to feel significantly better around the 11-week mark, or around three months.
It may be painful but we can get over it, in other words. It's not only the case that a serious break-up affects our personality; our personality also influences the way we are likely to respond to such a split.
When we break up, our brains lose their regular supply of these neurotransmitters, and we go into neurological withdrawal. This is how broken hearts break brains. Subjectively, the deficit in these chemicals can make us feel anxious, depressed, and isolated.
Research shows that the partner initiating the breakup usually associates the breakup with positive outcomes such as a sense of relief, reduced anxiety, and hope. However, negative emotions such as guilt, regret, loneliness, and feeling responsible for abandoning their partners are often reported.
When looking at the timeline of breakups, many sites refer to a “study” that's actually a consumer poll a market research company conducted on behalf of Yelp. The poll's results suggest it takes an average of about 3.5 months to heal, while recovering after divorce might take closer to 1.5 years, if not longer.
The study indicated that women get more negatively affected, both emotionally and physically, by a heartbreak. Women participants rated their 'emotional anguish' to be 6.84 post break up and whereas, the figure turned out to be 6.58 for men.
It triggers the release of “feel good” chemicals in your brain. Losing it in a breakup can cause emotional and physical problems, like anxiety and tiredness. Emotional stress can also send out a rush of stress hormones that make you feel like you're having a heart attack.
The investigators found that most of the men developed new or worsening symptoms of mental illness after their breakup, such as anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, anger and heightened substance use.
“The process of dealing with a breakup is comparable to grief,” says Dr. Tricia Wolanin, Psy. D., a clinical psychologist. “It's the death of a relationship, hopes and dreams for the future.
A breakup usually sinks in for a man when they start to regret their mistakes when he misses the intimacy and connection he had, and once he acknowledges that there's no way to get the good times back. Sometimes, it can take a long time for all of this to sink in.
They actually occupy nerve cell pathways and physically live in the neurons and synapses of the brain. When we lose a lover through a breakup or divorce, our brain gets confused and disoriented. Since the person lives in the neuronal connections, we expect to see them, hear them, feel them, and touch them.
A breakup is an ending, not a rejection. It might not feel like that initially, but it's an important thing to remember. When your heart has been broken, it can take a while to find your way back to whole but you will get there. Healing from a broken heart is as much a physical process as it is an emotional one.
Some people describe it as a dull ache, others as piercing, while still others experience it as a crushing sensation. The pain can last for a few seconds and then subside, or it can be chronic, hanging over your days and depleting you like just like the pain, say, of a back injury or a migraine.
Men who move on faster may also be good at compartmentalizing, meaning they can just put their old relationship in the past and look at a new dating experiences for what they are—something new and different. And, she says, men may also be better about making sex just be about sex, rather than something emotional.
What guys go through after a breakup? Generally, men after breakup will start to feel these feelings in no particular order, some may feel only anger and confusion, some all of these until they find the reason to move on but before they do that, they would of course have a reaction towards these feelings.
The study also found that women are more emotionally distraught after a breakup, as they tend to emotionally invest more in a relationship (1). While the man in the relationship is also traumatized, his immediate emotional pain of a breakup could be less when compared with the woman. It is okay to feel heartbroken.
After you realize that bargaining didn't work, you go into the depression phase – one of the hardest stages of grief in a breakup. This is different from Clinical Depression because what you feel in this stage is a normal reaction to the loss of a relationship. You might feel sad or lost or just not yourself.