According to one study, approximately 15 percent of married couples are sexless: Spouses haven't had sex with each other in the past six months to one year.
Yet, 15 to 20 percent of all couples experience long periods of time where they are no longer sexually intimate. If this is a situation you find yourself in, read below to learn more about sexless marriages, the impact that is has on people, and some ideas of ways to address it.
Heterosexual marriages are experiencing high rates of sexlessness (25 to 50 percent). For Generation Z, sexual intimacy appears to be on the decline. There is likely gender role confusion as couples create new and shared meaning about what equality in romance looks like.
Emotional connection is a prerequisite to sex, especially for women. Stokes states, “The most common reason for a sexless marriage is a lack of communication. So many people are uncomfortable talking about sex so they fall into a routine of sex that seems manualized and not satisfying.
Anxiety, stress, and depression are also common sexless marriage effects on the husband. When a husband is denied sex at home for a long time, his mental health is likely to deteriorate from stress, overthinking, and inability to release the feel-good hormone from sex.
Cheating in any form or circumstance can never be justified. And that includes infidelity in a sexless relationship. The fact that the word relationship is still there despite the lack of intimacy means that you must remain committed to your partner.
Toxicity in the relationship
Sometimes, the lack of sex can breed resentment, gaslighting, lack of love, and failed emotional intimacy, causing the environment to become toxic. If going for therapy and seeking interventions does not solve the issues, it is better to walk away from a sexless marriage.
As circumstances vary depending on individual couples, there aren't hard and fast rules for leaving sexless marriages. While there are no specific issues that doom a sexless relationship other than domestic violence, sex therapists say there are several red flags that signal staying isn't worth it.
Is a sexless relationship healthy? Yes, sexless relationships can absolutely be healthy. "Some people are perfectly happy without sex, so there is no problem. And even when sex is a problem, the rest of the relationship can be healthy," says Zimmerman.
And many likely do last a lifetime, because couples fall into the trap of thinking that sexless marriages are “normal.” While they are common – estimates for the number of sexless marriages range from 10 to 20 percent of all marriages – if one or both partners are unhappy, that is never normal.
There is no proper name for it. Celibacy implies choice, and doesn't reveal whether both partners are happy. Anecdotally, there may be many more married or cohabiting couples than statistics show who are happily, or resignedly, not having sex. Another factor to consider, and something of a buzzword, is asexuality.
It is common to have less sex when married.
Some even report having a sexless marriage. Therefore, if you see a drop in the intimacy level in your marriage, you are not alone. There are several factors that can contribute to this, like financial struggles, health issues, mental health problems, and many more.
In a sexless marriage, the man might start to feel less emotionally attached to his wife. Love and sex go hand-in-hand in marriage and both are equally important to sustain the bonds in the marriage. He might start to drift apart and be less indulgent in any activities that include bonding or togetherness-time.
For a woman, a sexless marriage erodes her feelings of love, affection, connection, intimacy, and sometimes loyalty as well. Physical intimacy – including touching and sex – helps people feel like they are part of a couple or family – and the lack of it makes women feel deprived and isolated.
The lack of physical touch, emotional connection, and sexual intimacy can lead to feelings of loneliness, depression, and low self-esteem. It can also cause physical symptoms such as headaches, insomnia, and decreased libido.
Walk away if your problems go beyond lack of sex (criticism, contempt, lost trust, etc.) and one or both of you is unwilling to work on the relationship. If you're both still willing to try, prioritize regular time together to experiment, communicate, and be intimate. You may also consider couples' therapy.
Depression, anxiety, stress, and other mental health issues are all linked to lower libido, as are some antidepressants. If your wife is struggling with any mental health issues, she may be less interested in sex at the moment.
If your wife avoids intimacy, one of the reasons could be that you broke a promise or betrayed her. If you want to fill your relationship with the same charm and attraction, then try to look for the mistakes you made in the past. Apologize to her, and win her trust back.
There are many factors that might be affecting his sex drive—an undiagnosed medical condition, a side effect of a medication, a hormonal imbalance, stress, depression, low self-esteem, trauma, or even problems in your marriage that he hasn't brought up.
Once a week is a common baseline, experts say. That statistic depends slightly on age: 40- and 50-year-olds tend to fall around that baseline, while 20- to 30-year olds tend to average around twice a week.
According to a research published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour, a married couple should get intimate around 51 times a year, which turns out to be once a week, to lead a satisfying and happy life.
She wants your affection and care.
Everyone wishes to feel loved. As a wife, she surely needs affection from her husband. In marriage, love and affection are exclusively the hallmarks of an emotional relationship. One thing is clear that a woman needs love from her partner in the form of affection.
In the New England Journal of Medicine study, though just over a quarter of participants ages 75 to 85 said they had sex in the last year, more than half that group had sex at least two to three times a month. And almost one-quarter of those having sex were doing it once a week — or more.
Husbands want more physical affection and touch from their wife — and not just sex. So cuddle up to him while you watch a show, give him a big hug and kiss hello, a back rub or some foreplay. Initiate sex! Make an effort to show some physical affection towards him consistently.