Spotting a liar in a relationship involves noticing patterns like inconsistent stories, vague answers, defensive reactions, and changes in body language (fidgeting, avoiding eye contact), alongside increased secrecy (phone guarding) and emotional distance, but remember these are potential red flags, not definitive proof, so trusting your intuition and observing their overall behavior congruence over time is key.
Keep an eye out for the following signs, and you won't be taken advantage of by a liar.
Things You Should Know
The most effective way to catch someone lying is to do your fact checking and gather intel first. Once you have your information and you know it's credible and trustworthy, then ask your questions and listen for the response. If they weave a tale that doesn't support your intel, you know right away that they are lying.
Instead of saying, “I didn't do it,” a deceptive person might shift the focus with a protest statement like “Why would I do something like that?” or “You know me, I would never.” Others might repeat a question verbatim, buying themselves time while crafting a response.
Here are a few techniques to determine if someone is telling the truth or not.
Liars fear being caught, leading to consequences like punishment, rejection, or humiliation, but also fear the exposure of their true, often flawed, selves or the shame and guilt associated with deception, especially when lying stems from trauma or low self-worth. They fear losing control, the damage to trust when lies are revealed, and situations where someone remembers details, as inconsistencies unravel their fabrications.
“Among other common lies, we have the silent lie — The deception which one conveys by simply keeping still and concealing the truth. Many obstinate truth-mongers indulge in this dissipation, imagining that if they speak no lie, they lie not at all.” —Mark Twain (1835-1910)
Signs Someone *Might* Be Lying
The effort required to lie varies among people; however, evidence suggests that liars are more likely than truth tellers to exhibit certain behaviors—hesitating, making errors, speaking slower, pausing more, and waiting longer before answering.
Lay, Lie, Lied, Lain: When Do We Use Which? You may want to lay—er, lie—down for this.
Study results did not support the hypotheses that upper right gaze indicates lying. Nor that looking up and to the left indicates truthfulness.
Verbal Signs of Lying
How a pathological liar behaves when they are caught in a lie depends on the individual and the circumstances. For example, some people may react angrily or become defensive, while others might try to rationalize their lies or make excuses for them.
17 Signs Your Partner Is Probably Lying
The eyes: Someone who is lying might stare or look away at a crucial moment, says Glass — a possible sign they're moving their eyes around as they try to think about what to say next. The research conducted by Geiselman at UCLA corroborated this, finding that people sometimes look away briefly when lying.
What to Know About Lying
Its passive voice form is: "By whom is a lie told?" Explanation: In the passive voice, the object of the active sentence becomes the subject. The verb "tell" is changed to "is told" (present tense passive form) since the subject "who" is replaced by "by whom" for the question format.
Instead of saying “I didn't do it,” they'll say “I did not do it.” Or they'll say “I cannot remember” instead of “I can't remember.” They're basically overselling their lie by trying to sound more powerful and less refutable. But formal language is unnecessary (and sounds unnatural) if you're telling the truth.
Key points
People lie for a variety of reasons, such as to avoid receiving punishment, obtain rewards, or keep personal information secret.
10 Ways to Catch a Liar
5 Non-Verbal Signs of Deception in Investigation Interviews
But here's what to look and listen for if you're trying to figure out if someone is lying to you.