In many cases, people think their spouse is cheating on them because either they've cheated on someone in the past or are about to. Psychologists say that projection is a low-level coping skill, where people who cheat or think of cheating are likely to project the same thoughts on their partners.
Most of us will feel some urge to cheat on our partners at some point in our lives, even if that urge is small, superficial and unrealistic. These fantasies, however, can often provide invaluable insight; and our connection with those outside of our relationships can be direct indicators of issues within our own.
Know That You Aren't a Bad Person
"Cheating is a very serious thing. It's a very big deal, and you should take the time to really sift through all of those feelings and reactions you're having," said Gloria. "At the same time, you also need to recognize that this doesn't make you a categorically terrible person.
Signs of emotional cheating
You confide in the other person about the intimate details of your relationship troubles. You've become more detached and emotionally disconnected from your partner. You think about the other person all the time. You are less intimate with your partner.
Infidelity does not mean that the love is gone or never existed. The reality is that you can love someone and still cheat on them. In fact, many affairs happen in relationships that are otherwise very happy.
Studies have shown that 85 percent of women who have a gut feeling that their partner is cheating turn out to be right. Most of the time your gut feelings are highly reliable and worth paying attention to, but your subconscious fears can get in the way and muddle these messages, too.
Cheating OCD is a condition characterized by the belief one has cheated—the one suffering from the OCD, herself, believes she has cheated—even though there is no evidence this has occurred. It can often happen after a night of drinking or doing recreational substances, when memories become blurred.
The most important thing to remember is what cheating says about a person. They're insecure, impulsive, selfish, and immature. Sometimes, it's a chronic problem that likely won't ever be fixed, just be sure not to ignore the warning signs.
Cheating husbands may be defensive over the smallest things. They may seem unusually sensitive or touchy about things that seem harmless to you. If you ask an innocent question about what they had for lunch, they may snap at you and accuse you of being controlling or demanding.
Many professionals have seen marriages not only survive infidelity but become better than before. It is true that a marriage can survive an extra-marital affair. But, this will only happen if both partners are willing to acquire and use the skills necessary to make their marriage successful.
Cheating can come in many different forms, such as physical or sexual affairs, emotional affairs and online affairs. Usually, inappropriate texting, depending on the contents of the messages, are categorized as online or emotional affairs.
Research in the field of infidelity reveals that there are three distinct personality types correlated with a higher likelihood of cheating: sociopaths, narcissists, and lonely hearts.
Feelings of inadequacy.
A constant feeling of not being enough, whether enough for your partner or in life, is a common reason people cheat. No matter what you do or have, it feels never enough, and you constantly strive to find more. Maybe you feel you need another relationship to fill the void or make you feel whole.
Cheating on a spouse or significant other is sure to cause feelings of jealousy and hurt in the spurned partner. But men and women differ on what part of cheating they think is the worst: Men tend to be more bothered by sexual infidelity, while most women are bothered more by emotional infidelity.
Repeat cheaters may be prone to infidelity because of an addiction to sex. You might cheat because you feel your partner doesn't satisfy your needs or vice versa. Robert Weiss of Psych Central defines sexual addiction as an addiction that causes an individual to feel an intense need for sex.
While cheating isn't a justifiable coping method, it does become a mechanism for dealing with pain when no other avenues seem available. And to many mentally unwell people, finding real help may feel utterly impossible.
A study of 495 people revealed eight key reasons: anger, low self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and circumstance. 1 It's important to understand that these reasons arise within the cheater and are not the responsibility of the betrayed partner.
Don't try to get back at your partner or to act vengefully
“You're really hurting right now, and you want your partner to hurt the same, but don't spread the pain,” says Ricciardi. You don't want to do anything you can't reverse, and at the end of the day, you won't feel better “getting back” at them.
Infidelity can have lasting impacts on partners and children the couple may have. Grief, brain changes, behaviors down the road, and mental health conditions such as anxiety, chronic stress, and depression can result. Some families have been able to move past infidelity with time and therapy.