Talk (and Listen) to Them
The most basic way to connect with your children is to talk to them. Tell them about your day and ask about theirs. Try to remember everything they tell you. Children have a memory that just won't quit sometimes and expect you to have the same.
Simple gestures like kissing or hugging your children goodbye in the morning or even taking time out to play with them will never go unnoticed. Once the child has won your trust and affection, these will translate into them being comfortable enough to open up to you without you even asking.
She may not be the touchy-feely type.
Even if you're very affectionate, your child is her own person and may not have inherited this trait. How to respond: If your child seems distant, you may simply have to accept her for who she is. Instead of acting hurt, let her lead the way when it comes to affection.
Sometimes children don't want physical affection because they're not in the mood, and other times it could be a specific person they don't want to cuddle. It could just be one of those things, there's no reason why but your child just doesn't want to give them a kiss goodbye.
A child who is very sensitive to touch might find hugs or kisses constraining and thus might try to squirm away from them. All of this is normal, expected variation because like adults, kids have their own unique personalities and preferences.
Emotionally absent or cold mothers can be unresponsive to their children's needs. They may act distracted and uninterested during interactions, or they could actively reject any attempts of the child to get close. They may continue acting this way with adult children.
Parental love is characterized by warmth, affection, care, comfort, concern, nurture, support, acceptance, or love that a child can feel from their parents1. The parent's love for their child can be felt when they kiss, hug, praise, compliment, or say nice things to or about them.
One of the best ways to nurture your child's passions and help them develop a love for something is to create opportunities for them to pursue it. If they are interested, establish time and space for them to do it. If you're unsure of their passions, take them out and expose them to many different activities.
Feeling disconnected from your child is a usual part of parenting. Although it leaves you questioning your abilities, with some time and effort, you can work on restoring your connection. Excess screen time, neglecting your own needs, and replacing quality time with material things can contribute to the disconnect.
Psychologists call it individuation and, although painful for parents, it is normal and healthy for your child. As uncomfortable as it might be as a parent, your child's distance from you is actually right on track: the teen years mark their transition into the adult world.
“When a person's first attachment experience is being unloved, this can create difficulty in closeness and intimacy, creating continuous feelings of anxiety and avoidance of creating deep meaningful relationships as an adult,” says Nancy Paloma Collins, LMFT in Newport Beach, California.
They raise their arms for you to pick them up and hold them close. It seems entirely natural, but it's also a sweet sign that your toddler loves and trusts you. They seek comfort from you. Your toddler may hold out their hand so that you can kiss a boo-boo, or cry for you to cuddle them after a fall.
Remember touch is essential and there is no substitution for a great big hug! As author and family therapist Virginia Satir once said, “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth”.
Lazy parenting includes being uninterested in spending time and energy with kids, giving kids devices to shut them up, not being willing to listen to kids because they are too lazy to deal with uncomfortable feelings and tantrums, etc.
A toxic mother constantly makes negative comments or jokes about you in front of family or friends. She lacks empathy for your feelings. A toxic mother minimizes your problems and ignores or belittles your feelings, accusing you of being too sensitive. Your opinions hold no weight with her.
With an emotionally unreliable mother or one who is combative or hypercritical, the daughter learns that relationships are unstable and dangerous, and that trust is ephemeral and can't be relied on. Unloved daughters have trouble trusting in all relationships but especially friendship.
Physical touch is vital for your child's well-being. Many long for the presence of caring touch in their daily life and its absence can cause loneliness, insecurity, and stress.
We can often see the resistance for affection come when our children develop a new sense of independence. This might come from when they are able to move around - crawling, walking etc as they want to be off exploring and have a new sense of independence.