Surface level connection If you find that you are mostly just a hookup or a booty call for someone, and that they avoid any deep conversation, then you are in a situationship, not a relationship. In the early stages of a relationship, the connection can also feel surface level as you are getting to know each other.
Signs you may be in a situationship include uncertainty about the relationship's status, confusion about partner's intentions, and a lack of communication about the future. Setting boundaries and having open conversations can clarify the nature of the relationship.
How long do situationships last? It depends on the two people involved, but you know you're in a situationship when you have been in this setup for more than six months. While it is common to test the waters before committing, staying too long in a situationship does not look promising.
A situationship is an undefined or non-committal relationship—almost resembling a regular romantic relationship, but not quite. Typically, one partner in a situationship is content with the arrangement while the other hopes it will turn into something more.
It's a red flag if they force you to prolong the situationship after months of dating. It's a red flag if they disregard your feelings about the situationship. It's a red flag if they make you feel bad for wanting more from the relationship after countless dates.
The first and most important rule of any situationship is to define what you both want out of it. Are you just looking for a casual fling, or are you hoping for something more serious? Make sure you're on the same page so that you don't end up with hurt feelings down the road. Communication is key.
Bilek agrees that an open and frank conversation is the only productive transition from a situationship into something more. “Tell them, 'This is a good partnership for me,' and make sure to ask them how they feel.” Even if the conversation is hard, the resulting clarity will be worth the stress, Romanoff says.
You might also refer to him as something more detached, like my "plus-one," "prospect" or literally, like, "This is my date." Some prefer the tongue-in-cheek "not-boyfriend." You can be coy ("fancy friend") or a bit crass ("makeout buddy") or cheesy ("this is my luvvah") or even snobbish/fake-French.
But if you want to turn your situationship into a relationship, you've got to get honest and authentic with your partner. Sharing your truth is one of the bravest things you can do in life, particularly in a romantic relationship where it feels as though your heart is in the hands of someone else.
You don't have to talk or prioritize each other every day when you're still in a situationship stage. But if both parties authentically want the relationship to progress to a relationship, there shouldn't be random periods of radio silence for no reason.
The undefined nature of situationships can make them singularly hard to recover from, says Jessica Alderson. As she says, “in situationships, there's often a lack of clear boundaries, commitment, and labels, making it difficult to know where each person stands”.
While it may share some similarities with a friends-with-benefits relationship, the two terms do not mean the same thing. A friends-with-benefits relationship is when friends engage in casual sex without taking on the commitment aspect of a relationship. A situationship, on the other hand, lacks a formal label.
Dr. Romanoff shares some advice that could be helpful if you're in a situationship: Be honest about your feelings: It's important to be honest with yourself and to be clear about your intentions for the relationship.
An “exclusive situationship” offers the opportunity to write your own rules. “That's the beauty of it all,” Kirkland said. “You make them up on your own.”
Does dating exclusively mean you're in a relationship? While the concept can be confusing, dating exclusively doesn't necessarily mean that you're in a relationship, and for some singles, the low-key nature of being with someone without really being with them is exactly what they're looking for.
According to a 2015 dating survey conducted by Time Out of 11,000 people worldwide, people decide to go exclusive and stop seeing other people after six dates — which, for many, falls in line with the one- to two-month mark. They officially declare themselves a couple after nine dates, on average.
Overall, couples should know enough about each other and feel confident they see a future together. They should also feel like the relationship has a strong foundation to build on. As a rough rule, two months in should be a safe amount of time to broach the subject, Stott said.
Be honest, clear, and compassionate while expressing your decision to end the situationship. Avoid blaming or criticising the other person, and focus on your own emotions and needs. After expressing your decision to end the situationship, it's essential to establish clear boundaries.
You never know when you're going to see them
Unlike being in a relationship where you might have set dates and plans, a situationship is spontaneous and lacks consistency. You might see a person many times one week and then not see them again for a few weeks.
Unlike the very casual friends-with-benefits arrangement, situationships have a level of emotional attachment and quality time away from the bedroom.
Things You Should Know
If you can't keep your hands off of each other and often get mistaken as a couple, you could be unofficially dating. Additional signs include talking about each other like you're already a couple, using pet names, and including each other in future plans.
It's emotionally connected, but without commitment or future planning. The labels “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” don't really apply, but it's way beyond a casual hookup. It includes going on dates, having sex, and building intimacy without a clear objective in mind. Enter “situationship.”
Less than a relationship, but more than a casual encounter or booty call, a situationship refers to a romantic relationship that is, and remains, undefined. "A situationship is that space between a committed relationship and something that is more than a friendship," explains psychotherapist and author Jonathan Alpert.
It's been three months or more. Three months is more than enough time to know if you want to commit to someone else. You have an idea of who each other is at this point. If they still “don't know” what they want or what they're looking for, it's in your best interests to walk away.