A 35-year-old woman can make friends by joining groups or classes based on hobbies (book clubs, sports, art), volunteering, using friendship apps like Bumble BFF, taking adult education classes, or tapping into existing networks like parenting groups or work. The key is consistent, low-pressure participation in activities you enjoy, being open to new experiences, and taking initiative to suggest meetups with people you connect with, while practicing authenticity and patience, notes TODAY.com, Flash Pack, and GoodRx.
Join classes or groups, eg. Dance classes, group music lessons, art class, running or walking group, book club. Adult learning colleges or community centres are great if there's one near you. It's people in the same boat and you tend to bond over your interests and gradually share about your lives.
Totally normal! Careers, families, and responsibilities make it harder to keep friendships as effortless as in our 20s, and that's okay. Now it also depends on the kind of bonding and understanding you and your friends share. So, it's absolutely normal.
One of the common reasons why women feel challenged in their friendships is jealousy and competition. The reason for this is rooted in evolution, where our ancestors competed for the safety and protection of mates.
For anyone over the age of 30, you are aware of how full life becomes with your career, possibly marriage and/or kids, and other real life adult responsibilities. This often means that time for developing deep, genuine friendships is lacking, and becomes difficult as you get older.
A YouGov Friendship Study published in December 2021 found that 7% of Britons say they don't have any close friends, increasing to 9% for people over 40. This increases again to 10% of people who describe themselves as introverts.
Research says that if a friendship lasts for 7 years, it'll most likely last your entire life. Because in 7 years, you don't just see the best part of friendship. You also see the worst part of it. You go through so many ups and downs that you get to live a different life with that friend.
The 80/20 rule in friendships (Pareto Principle) suggests that roughly 80% of your joy, support, and fulfillment comes from just 20% of your friends, meaning a few key people provide most of the value, while the other 80% of your friends contribute less. It's a tool to focus emotional energy on these core relationships, acknowledging that not all friendships are equal, and helps set realistic expectations, promoting deeper connections with those who truly matter and reducing emotional drain from less impactful interactions.
A different way of categorizing friendship is by applying “The Three C's”. There are three basic types of people with whom you interact: Constituents, Comrades, and Confidants.
The biggest red flag in a friendship is a lack of reciprocity and respect for boundaries, where the relationship feels consistently one-sided, leaving you drained, unsupported, or feeling bad about yourself, with the friend only showing up when they need something or belittling you. A healthy friendship requires mutual effort, care, and feeling energized, not depleted, by the connection, according to sources like Psychology Today and SELF Magazine, and Spokane Christian Counseling.
It doesn't mean you're inherently undesirable. It's not a red flag if you're capable of maintaining relationships. I have many acquaintances and am able to maintain healthy relationships but choose my people and limit to few. Most people I know over 30 have very few actual friends.
1) Call your friends every 2 weeks or meet them in person. 2) Do some common activity with them every 2 months. Go for a walk, have dinner, pursue a hobby. 3) Go on a long trip with them every 2 years.
The 7-Year Rule of Friendship Is Real and Powerful Psychologists say if your friendship survives past 7 years, chances are… it's for life. 🧠📆 Why? By year seven, you've likely weathered enough career shifts, heartbreaks, and messy life changes to build serious trust and emotional resilience.
You also may have fewer single friends and the pressure to marry might be stronger than it was in your 20s. Whatever the case might be, however, just know that it's not impossible to date in your 30s. In fact, there are tons of people who have met their lifelong partners within this decade.
The 11-3-6 rule of friendship is a theory suggesting it takes about 11 encounters, each around 3 hours long, over roughly 6 months, to transform an acquaintance into a real friend, emphasizing consistent, quality time and different settings for deeper connection. This rule highlights that strong friendships aren't accidental but require sustained effort and shared experiences to build familiarity and understanding.
How to make friends in your 30s & 40s
Friendships of the good
Aristotle considers this third kind of friendship, or virtue friendship, as the highest form of friendship between two people. These friends for life love us for who we truly are and have similar moral values.
Here are 18 signs of a fake friend:
Essential qualities of a good friend
Midlife (Ages 30-50): Stability and Selective Social Circles
The average number of close friends during this period is around 3 to 5, with many people prioritizing a tight circle of trusted, long-term friends. This period is often focused on family and career, leaving less time to form new friendships.
1. Lack of Honesty. Often when we think of honesty, notably honesty in marital relationships, we think of a very tangible “where were you last night” kind of honesty. While this is obviously critically important, there are many other kinds of dishonesty that can destroy marriages.
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Studies have shown that, until your mid-20s, you're regularly making new friends. After 25, your friendship circles shrink rapidly. This decline then continues until death (sorry for bringing the mood down) as people's priorities shift. They get serious in their relationships.
Friends provide connection, fun, and support. Together, friends share joy, sorrow, and everything in between. And friendship brings other gifts, too. Researchers say that social engagement is important to our physical and emotional well-being.
A friendship betrayal can feel especially hurtful, but it's possible to salvage—and even strengthen—your friendship through mutual effort (and time) to repair the trust, vulnerability, and connection. Give each other a chance to talk it out, ideally in person rather than through text.