Yes, giving money at a funeral is often appropriate and appreciated, especially if the family is facing financial hardship or if it's customary in your culture (like Asian traditions with "bai jin"), but it depends on the situation; it's best to follow the family's wishes, such as donating to a charity if they request it, or discreetly offering cash in a card if the death was unexpected or the deceased was the main provider.
The amount of condolences money you give depends on your relationship with the deceased and their family. Here are some guidelines: For distant acquaintances or colleagues, $20 to $50 is appropriate. For closer friends or relatives, $50 to $100 is appropriate.
Don't send cash or money to the family unless requested. In some cases, the family may request donations to support a particular family member, like the spouse or children of the deceased. When you donate to a charity or the family, consider giving what you would typically spend on flowers for the family.
Amount of Money to Give in a Sympathy Card
Start with the amount you would spend on funeral flowers, usually around $50. If you know the family has a high level of need, and you can afford it, give more. If you're very close to the family, consider giving more.
Another traditional gift to bring to a funeral is sympathy cards. You can bring either in combination with flowers or on their own. The most important thing to consider is what to write on a sympathy card. Don't overthink it and write from your heart a few lines that should comfort the bereaved.
How much money do you give at a funeral? People usually give a gift to the bereaved family in order to show their support. The amount of money given usually ranges from $50-$200. Some people may give more or less depending on their financial situation and relationship to the deceased.
You are not usually expected to bring anything to a funeral, unless the family tell you otherwise. If appropriate, you may wish to send a sympathy card or funeral flowers to the home of the grieving family. Alternatively, the family may have set up a memorial page where you can leave a donation.
If you were close friends or family, a larger sum of money may be appropriate. However, if you were less close, a smaller amount or even just a heartfelt note may be more fitting. Ultimately, there is no wrong answer when it comes to deciding whether to put money in a sympathy card.
What NOT to Write in a Sympathy Card
If you do choose to give money, try to be discreet about it—finances can be a sensitive area for some people. The best way to do this is to include your cash or check donation inside the envelope with your sympathy card and hand it directly to the person it's intended for.
During a funeral, maintaining a respectful atmosphere is of utmost importance. As such, using a cell phone to text or keeping sounds on is considered rude and disruptive. These actions can break the solemn atmosphere of the service — potentially interrupting poignant moments of reflection or eulogies.
The tradition of offering Condolence money, known as “Bai Jin” in various Asian cultures and Buddhist funerals, holds a significant place in the ceremonies and customs surrounding funerals.
What to Bring to a Funeral
You might donate it all to one charity that your loved one supported, or you might split it up among a few of their favorites. If there was something you wanted to do for their funeral service and you didn't have the budget for it, perhaps the memorial funds will help you with that.
Condolence money is largely given for a practical purpose: to help the mourning family cover funeral expenses.
Your place is to console, not to judge. Acknowledge the person's loss and avoid saying things like “I'm glad it was you and not me.” Don't tell anyone what to do or to change his or her feelings. Don't ask anything of a bereaved person other then what you might be able to do to help.
Bereavement money is typically given in cash, slipped into a plain white envelope, sometimes with a short message or the giver's name written on the front. The focus is not on the amount, but on the intention behind the gift. While cash is still the norm, we now live in a more digital age.
Funeral directors often won't tell you about more affordable options, like renting urns/caskets or buying them online, the non-necessity of embalming, or that many services are optional, often focusing instead on upselling expensive packages; you can request itemized price lists, use alternative containers for cremation, and veterans get free burial, so it pays to ask questions and shop around. They also might not mention that "sealed" caskets don't stop decomposition or that funeral insurance can be risky, while also using suggestive language to encourage spending.
“I can't imagine the depth of your loss. Please know I'm here if you need anything.” 23. “They loved you deeply, and that love will always be with you.”
At funerals, any form of monetary support to the grieving family is appreciated. You can offer $100 or more, if you wish to offer help.
You should send the Sympathy Card to the closest relative of the person who has died (i.e. the widow or eldest child). In the case where you are familiar with the person grieving, but not the deceased themselves, you can address your Sympathy card to your acquaintance.
Sending flowers, dropping a meal off at the home of the bereaved, having a mass said in honor of the deceased, making a charitable donation in the name of the deceased, and even crowdfunding a funeral, are just some examples of bereavement gifts.
What are some meaningful sympathy gift ideas? Memorial wind chimes, grief journals, sympathy plants, and personalized keepsakes are all meaningful sympathy gift ideas. They offer comfort during times of loss and provide long-term support for someone grieving.
Fruit baskets also make nourishing sympathy gifts instead of sending flowers. It's a gift the whole family can enjoy together. For families with children, a gift certificate to the grocery store or an ice cream shop offers a good way to provide a quiet respite when kids feel overwhelmed.
10 Things to Take to a Grieving Family