Yes, parents hide the Elf on the Shelf in new spots every night as the core of the tradition, acting as Santa's eyes and ears, but many find it a demanding chore, leading some to skip it, modify it, or even use it as a way to "recall" the elf if they forget to move it. The fun (and stress) for parents comes from creatively staging the elf in mischievous or funny scenarios for kids to discover each morning.
Turn the Elf on the Shelf into your positive parenting helper
Top Hiding Places for Christmas Presents:
Santa advises that no family member touch their Elf on the Shelf, but he does describe a few rare instances when an adult may use tongs or potholders to help an elf in an urgent situation. Parents: read on to learn about special, few and far between cases where emergency help will be required.
While parenting challenges vary, research and parent surveys often point to the middle school years (ages 12-14) as the hardest due to intense physical, emotional, and social changes, increased independence, hormonal shifts, and complex issues like peer pressure and identity formation, leading to higher parental stress and lower satisfaction compared to infants or older teens. Other difficult stages cited include the early toddler years (ages 2-3) for tantrums and assertiveness, and the early teen years (around 8-9) as puberty begins, bringing mood swings and self-consciousness.
The 7-7-7 rule of parenting generally refers to dedicating three daily 7-minute periods of focused, undistracted connection with your child (morning, after school, bedtime) to build strong bonds and make them feel seen and valued. A less common interpretation involves three developmental stages (0-7 years of play, 7-14 years of teaching, 14-21 years of advising), while another offers a stress-relief breathing technique (7-second inhale, hold, exhale).
The "3-3-3 Rule" for kids is a simple mindfulness technique to manage anxiety by grounding them in the present moment: first, name three things they can see; next, identify three sounds they hear; and finally, move three different parts of their body. This engages their senses, shifts focus from worries, and helps them regain control when feeling overwhelmed, like during test anxiety or social situations.
The downside of Elf on the shelf:
Many moms struggle with the idea that an Elf is watching over their kids, and the motivation for good behavior all month long is based on a make-believe Elf. That's a fair argument, but it still isn't the basis of my hesitation (I'm not above bribery).
According to Santa, no one in the family, not even the grown-ups, should touch a Scout Elf. Their magic allows them to fly back to the North Pole each night and report on your family's Christmas cheer. If they're touched by human hands, that magic can weaken. However, Santa understands that accidents sometimes happen.
The three rules of the Code of the Elves from the movie Elf are: 1. Treat every day like Christmas; 2. There's room for everyone on the nice list; and 3. The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear, as explained in this Pop Culture and Theology article and this Facebook post.
The 3 Gift Rule for Christmas limits presents to three per person, inspired by the Magi's gifts to Jesus, focusing on simplicity, less materialism, and intentionality, often structured as something they want, something they need, and something to read (or wear), though some adapt it to the biblical Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh (a treasured item, something spiritual, and something for the body/clothing). It helps reduce stress, financial strain, and clutter by promoting quality over quantity.
There's no single "worst" age; losing a parent is devastating at any stage, but often cited as uniquely challenging during adolescence/teenage years (identity formation, dependency) and young adulthood (missing guidance during major life milestones like marriage/children), while loss in early childhood deeply impacts fundamental security and development. Grief evolves, but the absence creates unique pain as life stages change, with many experiencing loss in their 40s-60s, often while transitioning to becoming the elder generation.
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Parents also usually stage the elf in a different scene each night for the children to discover when they wake up. More than one-third (36%) of parents to young children (10 or younger) say that their household has an Elf on the Shelf.
The most important—don't touch your Scout Elf, or they will lose their magic! Scout Elves can't talk, but they are great listeners.
The research, which has not yet been peer reviewed, found that for most children, disbelief crept in gradually about the age of eight – although some three- or four-year-olds had convinced themselves that Santa wasn't real, while other children believed in him until they were 15 or 16.
Maybe it's his favorite spot, just like we all have a favorite spot at the dinner table or on the couch watching TV. Or he has a primo view to watch you from. He slept in…and didn't want you to see him move and ruin the magic. He's entitled to a rest—the North Pole is a hike.
This has definitely become one of our favourite elf traditions. On Christmas Eve the kids can say goodbye to our elf with a big hug since he doesn't need his elf magic to go home that night.
According to The Elf on the Shelf: A Christmas Tradition, the night before Christmas, an elf's job comes to an end. On December 24, most Scout Elves say farewell to their families and fly back to the North Pole following Santa's sleigh. This way, they can help him begin preparing for the year ahead.
Write a nice apology note to your Elf telling your Elf how very sorry you are for touching him. This is a great way for your Elf to regain Christmas magic. Sprinkle some cinnamon near the Elf. Cinnamon is like Elf vitamins and will help your elf get back to the North Pole and make a full recovery!
There is some very mild slapstick violence, including some punching and kicking during a comic fight in a toy store, and a snowball fight in which people are knocked over. Mild bad language includes uses of 'pissed', 'crap', 'friggin' and 'damn'.
If you need a little background, the Elf on the Shelf only has 1 major rule: kiddos can't touch the elf, otherwise they lose their magic. Each morning, your kiddos will find your elf in another (usually mischievous) position…and that's where the fun comes in for parents.
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Red flags in 3-year-old behavior include extreme aggression (hitting, biting), persistent defiance, severe separation anxiety, lack of interest in peers, regression in skills, inability to self-soothe, unusual fears, and significant delays in language or motor skills, suggesting potential issues beyond typical toddler development, like sensory processing problems or ADHD, warranting professional guidance.
1-2-3 Magic divides the parenting responsibilities into three straightforward tasks: controlling negative behavior, encouraging good behavior, and strengthening the child-parent relationship. The program seeks to encourage gentle, but firm, discipline without arguing, yelling, or spanking.