For most of us it's the memories which keep us attached to someone and unable to move on. The narcissist doesn't have this problem. Their brain hasn't stored those memories in the same way so they can quickly move on without the attachment.
It's about status or satisfying personal needs. It's important to note that not everyone who moves on easily after a breakup has a narcissistic personality or a mental health condition. And, not everyone with a narcissistic personality moves on quickly after a breakup.
So when the relationship that a narcissist has with someone ends, it is common for them to move on very quickly because they need to find a new source of supply before they become consumed by their painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
According to Dr. Darlene Lancer, many narcissists can only sustain a relationship for six months to a few years (at the most). Keep in mind, though, we're talking about one four-stage cycle. Too often, a narcissist will initiate the cycle again, training their target to expect them to come back.
In a survey we conducted among 300 people who experienced narcissistic abuse in a romantic relationship, we discovered that the average amount of time it took for a narcissist to get over their ex was three-and-a-half weeks.
We also found that breakups may be tough for those who are high in narcissistic rivalry. They experienced higher levels of negative emotions and walked away with particularly negative views of their ex-partner.
At the end of a relationship, narcissists may become combative, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more controlling. People with NPD often fail to understand other people's needs and values. They are hyper focused on their egos, but do not account for how their actions affect others.
Narcissists hate losing their supply of attention, so they won't let you go easily. Prepare for them to promise "to change." They might suddenly start doing things for you that you'd been complaining about. They may say "you'll be lost without me," or "you'll never find someone like me."
Learn Why Narcissists “Hoover” and What to Do
Beware of narcissists trying to lure you back with hoovering. Breakups with narcissists don't always end the relationship. Many won't let you go, even when it's they who left the relationship, and even when they're with a new partner. They won't accept “no.”
Sooner or later, they will suck their partner dry of money, enthusiasm, self-esteem, or all three, and they discard them without looking back. That's why you should never be jealous of your narcissistic ex's new partner — they haven't changed. They aren't fixed. They aren't happier with this new person.
Narcissists don't value the relationships that they have with other people. They lack empathy, they are selfish, and they are immature. They abuse and manipulate you until you have nothing left and then they jump into another relationship like nothing ever happened.
Narcissists like to maintain a “harem” of people they can use for narcissistic supply, so they can pick and choose between who to turn to according to what they need in that present moment. This is why they are often drawn back to past relationships even after years of being apart.
You should know that narcissists won't go down without a fight when they see you have moved on. Some of the things a narcissist will do to show you that they won't affect defeat are: Badmouthing you or your partner to other people. Playing the victim.
Most of the time they won't even think about you and you know why: They're too busy spinning their web to snare the next unsuspecting spider. They lack a psychological trait known as Object Constancy, so they can't stay emotionally connected to someone who is not physically close.
Narcissistic relationships can last anywhere from a few days or weeks to many years.
They'll try to manipulate you emotionally.
A narcissistic ex won't hesitate to use emotional manipulation to keep you in their life. They might try love-bombing, where they'll shower you with affection and compliments to get you to come back to them.
It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value. You are a possession, not a real person.
The narcissist may indeed regret this loss, but not out of any real concern for the person – instead, they experience regret because they no longer have someone to reflect their false sense of self back to them. It is a superficial kind of regret that has nothing to do with true empathy or understanding.
Relationships with narcissists move very quickly. Neo said some people simply do mesh really well, because they have similar interests, and also complement each other's differences. “But anybody who tries to do it too quickly early on is basically accelerating intimacy, and that is bad news,” she said.
Yes, they often do come back to relationships. A narcissist will repeat their cycle of abuse as long as they need you as a supply. Even their distressing discard performance will leave you in a firm belief they're done with you; a narcissist will come back.
Although most narcissists seem to attempt reconciliation a few times before suddenly disappearing, most eventually stop and proceed with an abrupt separation or divorce.
Sometimes a triggering event will motivate the narcissist to leave. These are usually life-altering events for one of you. If you become ill or incapacitated or unable or unwilling to participate in the life the narcissist has designed, that may prompt the narcissist to leave.
It is a myth that narcissism is synonymous with inability to experience sadness. Like anyone else, people with NPD still experience emotions and crying. However, their experiences are much more likely to be self-serving and less likely to be rooted in empathy.
For most of us it's the memories which keep us attached to someone and unable to move on. The narcissist doesn't have this problem. Their brain hasn't stored those memories in the same way so they can quickly move on without the attachment.
When a narcissist realizes they can no longer control you, it is common for them to use many different manipulation tactics to try to regain control over you, such as gaslighting, baiting, intermittent reinforcement, hoovering, narcissistic rage, discarding, smear campaigns, and self-victimization.