The negative emotions that originate from seeing the narcissist having “the time of their life” with their new source of narcissistic supply need to be managed immediately because it makes victims of narcissistic abuse extremely vulnerable to hoovering. You see, the love bombing phase doesn't last forever.
The best way to deal with hoovering is to cut all contact with the narcissist. This may be difficult, but it's the only way to protect yourself from their manipulative behaviour and psychological abuse. If you're currently experiencing hoovering from a narcissist, you need to steel yourself not to respond.
So do covert narcissists know what they are doing? While they may be aware on some level that their behaviors have a negative impact on other people, narcissists also tend to lack self-awareness and insight.
Dealing with the vulnerable narcissist involves something the narcissist lacks – empathy. The vulnerable narcissist has emotional wounds that led them to become defensive. They express feelings of grandiosity.
Hoovering is a Power-Play for Narcissists
They lack empathy and the ability to see you as a separate human being. Rather than wanting a relationship for sentimental reasons, they're out for themselves, looking for access to resources, such as sex, money, information, status, or love.
Narcissists may Hoover in a number of ways: by provoking the victim, waxing poetically about how they've changed, or even more sadistically, flaunting a new partner to their previous one after a particularly callous silent treatment or discard.
Hoovering is caused by a narcissist's insecure need for power, control, validation, admiration, and reassurance. A narcissist uses hoovering to reassure their fragile sense of self, suppress their negative emotions, and fulfill their insecure needs.
In fact, narcissists are often attracted to strong, confident, and self-assured women. While this may seem counterintuitive, it is important to realize that the narcissistic traits of grandiosity and confidence are really a mask for deep insecurity.
The short answer is a simple “no.” It is actually highly unlikely that your narcissistic partner is even capable of real love, let alone feels it towards you past the beginning of your relationship.
MD. At the end of a relationship, a narcissist will often spiral down a long-winded gauntlet of manipulation tactics. They may blame you for causing the relationship to fail, work hard to keep you to stay with them, make lofty promises to change their behavior, or badmouth you to everyone around them.
Narcissists will make you question everything about yourself, including the people around you and your sanity. It includes statements like, “There's something wrong with you,” “Everybody's worried about your state of mind,” “That's not what happened,” and “You're crazy”.
If you first try ignoring them, they will probably doubt your endurance and ability to stay strong. They will engage a combination of hoovering tactics- sweet talking, gaslighting, reaching out to others- all to get you back into their orbit.
He will Hoover until he has what he wants. He may take a break for a couple days and then it's right back at it with full force. The longest he worked at hoovering me was 2 1/2 months with tiny breaks aka other supply in between. Any amount of contact buys them more ambition more drive to keep going.
It's a form of abuse where you Hoover yourself.
The term is coined from the famous Vacuum Cleaner, often referring to the abuser trying to “suck” you back into the abuse.
No matter how low the narcissist in your life might make you feel, if you're fulfilling their needs in some way, they want you about. Being highly skilled in manipulation, they will do all they can to reel you back in, including hoovering.
No contact will come easier as the end result of a gentle phasing out of the relationship rather than a direct rejection, which ultimately has more negative consequences than one would expect. Narcissists don't handle rejection or no contact very well at all. Narcissists hate being ignored. It's their worst fear.
Narcissists don't want you to move on from the relationship or from the pain they inflicted. They intend to keep you thinking about them- even if those thoughts are negative. They are wired to crave the attention of others. Without the attention, they often feel completely empty.
Baiting is often used when one person wants to start an argument or some kind of conflict with another person. The narcissist “baits” their victim by purposely doing or saying things to annoy or taunt them. They may also do it in order to get their victim to do what they want.
With severe emotional deficits, the narcissist may be self-aware and knowledgeable about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but these do not lead to healing, merely to behaviour modification.
If you ignore a narcissist and deny them their source, they may become enraged and try even harder for your attention – especially in ways that can be toxic or abusive. Ignoring a narcissist will enrage them because of their fragile egos. They'll feel humiliated and lash out against you to protect themselves.