People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) don't consciously "choose" a favorite person (FP) in a casual way; rather, an intense, all-consuming emotional attachment forms subconsciously, making the FP a vital source of validation, stability, and happiness, often feeling like they are the only person who can provide this, leading to a profound dependency and fear of abandonment. This isn't just having a best friend; it's an intense idealization where the FP is seen as essential for the person with BPD to function, creating a high-stakes, often volatile dynamic.
Yes--people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can intentionally choose and favor a ``favorite person'' (FP), but the term ``intentionally'' needs nuance: actions may be deliberate, partly driven by emotion-regulation needs, or reinforced by interpersonal dynamics.
People with BPD may form intense, unstable relationships. They might hyper-fixate on a specific individual, creating an idealized image of this person in their minds. These emotions can flip rapidly, leading to a cycle of idealization and devaluation, adding to the instability of their relationships.
the BPD person losing their special person will need to find a new anchor quickly, because they will undergo a void of their identity. it can lead them to become depressed, angry, grief stricken, and or full of despair. that can lead to substance abuse or other impulsive behaviors also.
Signs you're someone's favorite person (FP) may include:
Don't…
In this type of BPD relationship, a favorite person is relied on for comfort, happiness, and validation. The relationship with a BPD favorite person may start healthy, but it can often turn into a toxic love-hate cycle known as idealization and devaluation.
In BPD, hypersexuality can be seen as a maladaptive coping mechanism used to manage intense emotional distress or feelings of emptiness, often associated with the disorder. The temporary relief or pleasure derived from sexual activity can provide a fleeting escape from these uncomfortable feelings.
BPD limerence is when borderline personality traits (BPD) meet with obsessive romantic attachment. It creates an emotionally intense experience where fear of abandonment meets desperate longing.
Focus on self-improvement. Focusing on self-improvement can help someone with BPD shift their focus from the favorite person to improving themselves. This can include setting goals, learning new skills, or taking up a hobby. The key is to find activities that promote self-growth and increase self-esteem.
But there are lots of positive things you can do to support them:
People with BPD may experience rage when they perceive rejection, neglect, or abandonment in a relationship. During rage, a person may say or do things that they later regret. This could lead to ending the relationship in the heat of the moment. BPD rage is often followed by significant regret and shame.
People with NPD can be highly charismatic and confident, traits that appeal to people struggling with self-doubt or identity issues—as is often the case with BPD. For those with BPD, the allure of a narcissist's charm and assertiveness can feel like a solution to their internal struggles.
Changing perception about someone — A common sign of splitting is putting a person on a pedestal but then calling them toxic later on, or vice versa. This can result in begging someone to stay in one's life after pushing them away or trying to cut them off.
Despite a strong desire for intimacy, individuals with BPD may exhibit insecure, avoidant, ambivalent, or fearfully preoccupied attachment styles in relationships, complicating their interactions and connections with others.
Due to the marked similarities between BPD symptomatology and fearful/disorganized attachment (Beeney et al., 2017), it is hypothesized that the combination of anxious and avoidant dimensions will correspond most powerfully with BPD.
The "3 C's of BPD" typically refer to advice for loved ones of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, reminding them: "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it," to help set boundaries and avoid taking on undue responsibility for the person's actions or illness. Another set of "C's" describes core BPD traits for individuals: Clinginess (fear of abandonment), Conflict (intense relationships/moods), and Confusion (unstable self-image).
How can I help myself in the longer term?
A “Favorite Person” is someone with whom a person with BPD forms an intense emotional attachment. This relationship is often marked by a combination of deep admiration, dependence and fear of abandonment. The FP becomes a central figure in the individual's life, often absorbing much of their emotional energy and focus.
Why BPD Symptoms Peak in Early Adulthood. In the 20s, identity formation and independence conflict with emotional vulnerability. Research shows impulsivity and mood swings occur most frequently between the ages of 18-25.
Types of Mothers with Borderline Personality Disorder
Conflicts and disagreements are difficult for people with BPD, as they interpret these as signals of uncaring or relationship termination, generating feelings of anger and shame.
Jobs that draw on empathy, communication, and understanding, traits often strengthened by lived experience with BPD, can also be deeply rewarding. Examples include: Teaching assistant or education support worker. Counsellor, peer support, or mental health worker.
Being married to someone with BPD can make you feel like you're being left alone with your worries and stresses. The stress and uncertainty associated with caring for the individual through their mood swings can take an emotional toll on a spouse.