Those who have BPD tend to be very intense, dramatic, and exciting. This means they tend to attract others who are depressed and/or suffering low self-esteem. People who take their power from being a victim, or seek excitement in others because their own life is not where they want it to be.
It's very common for someone with this disorder to have intense, unstable relationships filled with drastic and quick-changing feelings. A person with BPD may fall in love quickly and assume that the other person will make them happy.
When individuals with BPD start a relationship, the attachment system becomes initially activated. They easily idealize a new attachment figure, as they did with the parent. They attach with the intense and overwhelming need for affection that they felt as children and was never fully (or not at all) met.
An impulsive borderline is often highly charismatic, energetic and engaging. They can be superficial, flirtatious and elusive, seeking thrills and becoming quickly bored. Impulsive borderlines thrive on attention and excitement and often get themselves into trouble after acting first and thinking later.
The Attraction
The reason why these personality types are attracted to one another is they magnetise. Each one helps the other play out their individual drama by fulfilling their needs. In the case of the borderline sufferer, when they first encounter the narcissist, they see everything they are not and cannot do.
Those who have BPD tend to be very intense, dramatic, and exciting. This means they tend to attract others who are depressed and/or suffering low self-esteem. People who take their power from being a victim, or seek excitement in others because their own life is not where they want it to be.
Borderline/dependent: A person with borderline personality disorder (BPD) is well-matched with a person who has a dependent personality disorder (DPD). The BPD has an intense fear of abandonment which is a good match for the DPD who will not leave even a dysfunctional relationship.
No. Borderline Personality Disorder and cheating are not connected, though certain symptoms of BPD could drive someone to cheat. That said, if you and your partner are willing to work through the challenges of BPD and go to therapy, then there is no reason your relationship can't succeed.
In close relationships, a person with BPD may appear jealous, possessive, or hyper-reactive. These individuals often fear being left alone and have deep feelings of worthlessness. In many cases, this disorder is the direct result of childhood trauma, abuse, violence, or neglect.
BPD should not come with a label of “manipulative” or “clingy.” It's not a personality defect. It's a serious personality condition that needs attention and care. If you experience this condition, keep in mind that these symptoms are not your fault.
Another hallmark of borderline personality disorder is having a favorite person—usually a family member, romantic partner, or someone in a supportive role, such as a teacher or coach. For someone with this type of BPD relationship, a “favorite person” is someone they rely on for comfort, happiness, and validation.
If you live with this condition, you might crave close connections with others — but you might also find it challenging to interact with them. You might then withdraw, or you might come on too strong and push others away unintentionally. This can leave you feeling alone and unworthy of others' attention.
People with borderline personality disorder may experience intense mood swings and feel uncertainty about how they see themselves. Their feelings for others can change quickly, and swing from extreme closeness to extreme dislike. These changing feelings can lead to unstable relationships and emotional pain.
BPD can cause a baseline depressed mood that easily swings to hollowness, detachment, irritability, or anxiety, which can last for hours to days. Sometimes these can spike to extremes such as anger, paranoia, panic, or despair.
They do care about family and friends but find it difficult not to act selfishly when experiencing their own heightened emotions. They do want to change, but it is so hard. Here are just a few examples of what it feels like to have BPD: Being extremely sensitive to what people say and do.
People with BPD are often terrified that others will leave them. However, they can also shift suddenly to feeling smothered and fearful of intimacy, which leads them to withdraw from relationships. The result is a constant back-and-forth between demands for love or attention and sudden withdrawal or isolation.
Passionate and emotional – When a person with BPD loves, the love is deep, highly committed and loyal to the relationship. Even though there may be struggles with attachment and fears of abandonment, these are ultimately manifestations of love.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) isn't a personal choice. It's a mental health condition, and it can be managed. Can a person with borderline personality disorder feel love? Absolutely!
A person with BPD will also seek out new relationships (i.e., partners and/or friendships) quite often. Once in a close romantic relationship they will both crave and become terrified of intimacy; fearing abandonment, they will cling to their partner, which will then lead to fears of enmeshment, so they push away.
There's also a lot of anecdotal evidence from other people's experiences that suggest 2-4 years is more common. So, if you want to know how long your relationships might last if you have BPD, it really does depend on the intensity of your condition.
BPD's attention-seeking originates from the traumas they create. It's not a character flaw on the part of the sufferer, and although sufferers from BPD are aware of their behavior and its effects on others, they lack the insight and ability to change their ways of behaving.