No, not all people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) have a "favorite person" (FP), but it's a very common experience, often described as someone they idealize and depend on intensely for validation, though it's not a diagnostic requirement and can also occur in other conditions like CPTSD. FPs can be anyone—partners, friends, family—and the relationship is characterized by strong, sometimes overwhelming, emotional attachment and reliance, serving as a coping mechanism for emotional dysregulation.
Having a favorite person, or being obsessed with someone, is not part of the diagnostic criteria. So yes, you can absolutely have BPD and not have FPs.
They develop spontaneously, and those with BPD often report that it feels out of their control. Additionally, not everyone with BPD has this type of relationship, and FP-like relationships can occur with other types of personality disorders.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition characterized by difficulties with emotional regulation and unstable personal relationships. Many people with BPD have a “favorite person” — this is the person they rely on.
In this type of BPD relationship, a favorite person is relied on for comfort, happiness, and validation. The relationship with a BPD favorite person may start healthy, but it can often turn into a toxic love-hate cycle known as idealization and devaluation.
Some work has found robust links between BPD symptoms and anxious attachment using the ECR-R (Nakashi-Eisikovits, Dutra, & Westen, 2002; Scott et al., 2013), while others have found that avoidant attachment may be most characteristic of individuals with elevated levels of BPD (Levy et al., 2015).
Signs you're someone's favorite person (FP) may include:
Why BPD Symptoms Peak in Early Adulthood. In the 20s, identity formation and independence conflict with emotional vulnerability. Research shows impulsivity and mood swings occur most frequently between the ages of 18-25.
Individuals with BPD can form meaningful and loving relationships with the right treatment and effort. Understanding and patience from partners, family, and friends, along with professional help, can significantly improve their chances of having successful relationships.
What Happens When Someone with BPD Loses Their Favourite Person? Losing a favourite person can be devastating for someone with BPD. It can trigger intense emotional pain, feelings of emptiness, and abandonment fears.
Don't…
Someone with BPD often loves in a way that transcends conventional definitions. Since they know what it is like to be atypical, they know how to embrace the uniqueness of each person. They can often see beyond the surface, connect with others on a soul level, and appreciate the inner beauty that lies within.
A “Favorite Person” is someone with whom a person with BPD forms an intense emotional attachment. This relationship is often marked by a combination of deep admiration, dependence and fear of abandonment. The FP becomes a central figure in the individual's life, often absorbing much of their emotional energy and focus.
To tell if someone has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), look for patterns of intense mood swings, unstable relationships, a distorted self-image, chronic emptiness, impulsivity, intense anger, fear of abandonment, self-harm, and stress-related paranoia or dissociation; a diagnosis requires a mental health professional to assess at least five of these core symptoms, which often overlap with other conditions, making professional evaluation crucial.
Despite a strong desire for intimacy, individuals with BPD may exhibit insecure, avoidant, ambivalent, or fearfully preoccupied attachment styles in relationships, complicating their interactions and connections with others.
Conclusions: Parental externalizing psychopathology and father's BPD traits contribute genetic risk for offspring BPD traits, but mothers' BPD traits and parents' poor parenting constitute environmental risks for the development of these offspring traits.
Middle-aged adults with BPD were more likely to exhibit feelings of chronic emptiness and have higher degrees of social impairment. 4 They were less likely to have impulsivity, engage in self-harm, or have rapid shifts in mood.
The "3 C's of BPD" typically refer to advice for loved ones of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, reminding them: "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it," to help set boundaries and avoid taking on undue responsibility for the person's actions or illness. Another set of "C's" describes core BPD traits for individuals: Clinginess (fear of abandonment), Conflict (intense relationships/moods), and Confusion (unstable self-image).
Focus on self-improvement. Focusing on self-improvement can help someone with BPD shift their focus from the favorite person to improving themselves. This can include setting goals, learning new skills, or taking up a hobby. The key is to find activities that promote self-growth and increase self-esteem.
First, people with BPD are characterized by a biological vulnerability to experience intense emotions (i.e., affective instability), which includes (a) greater reactivity to internal and external stimuli, (b) stronger emotional intensity, and (c) slower return to a baseline level of emotional arousal.
Passionate and emotional – When a person with BPD loves, the love is deep, highly committed and loyal to the relationship. Even though there may be struggles with attachment and fears of abandonment, these are ultimately manifestations of love.
Sexual, physical or emotional abuse or neglect. Losing a parent.
BPD limerence is when borderline personality traits (BPD) meet with obsessive romantic attachment. It creates an emotionally intense experience where fear of abandonment meets desperate longing.
A Swedish national study reported that 95.7% of individuals with a BPD diagnosis had a comorbid psychiatric diagnosis [8]. Mood disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), impulsive disorders, and bipolar disorders are commonly associated with BPD symptoms and diagnosis [9–11].